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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So I've been unhappily married for 2-3 years now. I've been waiting for the kids to get older before I leave and divorce. I have 3 boys
oldest is turning 20. So no child support here
middle will be 18 in June. But he is still in High School, so Child support for a year
youngest will be 15. So child support until 18.

Last Sept I met a woman. She knows I'm married and nothing could happen. She also knows I'm unhappy

After first we met every other week at Starbucks for coffee. We would talk about 1 hour, then she would return to work.

She is Chinese and in Nov she went back to China with her son for 3 weeks to visit her mom and dad.

I seen her 2 more times for coffee before the end of the year. We talked a lot about my unhappy marriage and she listened.

Since the new year we have had coffee once a week now.

Well, we are starting to fall in love.

She has a 1 bedroom apartment she lives in with her son. Her lease is up the end of this April.

She knows I want to leave my wife, but in NC I need to be separated for 1 year before I can divorce and I can not afford to live on my own. So we thought about a 2 bedroom apartment.
This way it's easier for her and also easier for me.

If I legally separate and move out and share an apartment with her during my separation, can I get into trouble?

I can not survive on my own, and we known each other 7 months now and she know's my situation. She knows it will be a year until I can divorce and she is okay with it.

Any advice...
 

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So I've been unhappily married for 2-3 years now. I've been waiting for the kids to get older before I leave and divorce. I have 3 boys
oldest is turning 20. So no child support here
middle will be 18 in June. But he is still in High School, so Child support for a year
youngest will be 15. So child support until 18.

What State do you live in?
Does your wife have a lawyer?

If your state is no fault, well I believe it doesn't matter what you do as
Far as living w a woman, lover or not.
What do you mean get in trouble?


Last Sept I met a woman. She knows I'm married and nothing could happen. She also knows I'm unhappy

After first we met every other week at Starbucks for coffee. We would talk about 1 hour, then she would return to work.

She is Chinese and in Nov she went back to China with her son for 3 weeks to visit her mom and dad.

I seen her 2 more times for coffee before the end of the year. We talked a lot about my unhappy marriage and she listened.

Since the new year we have had coffee once a week now.

Well, we are starting to fall in love.

She has a 1 bedroom apartment she lives in with her son. Her lease is up the end of this April.

She knows I want to leave my wife, but in NC I need to be separated for 1 year before I can divorce and I can not afford to live on my own. So we thought about a 2 bedroom apartment.
This way it's easier for her and also easier for me.

If I legally separate and move out and share an apartment with her during my separation, can I get into trouble?

I can not survive on my own, and we known each other 7 months now and she know's my situation. She knows it will be a year until I can divorce and she is okay with it.

Any advice...
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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I live in NC
According to NC statutue's
52‑13. Procedures in causes of action for alienation of affection and criminal conversation.
(a) No act of the defendant shall give rise to a cause of action for alienation of affection or criminal conversation that occurs after the plaintiff and the plaintiff's spouse physically separate with the intent of either the plaintiff or plaintiff's spouse that the physical separation remain permanent.

So my understanding is once I'm legally separated then if something occurs between and this other woman I should be fine
 

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What advice could there be? You made the decission the moment you decided to start "talking to this OW" instead of your wife. Of course your in love now and thinking of leaving... funny how you couldnt leave before the crutch of another W no matter how "un-happy" you were. does your wife know about this unhappiness? have you put as much time in talking with her about the relationship as you have with the OW? also you said 2-3 years married so the children are not yours or not her's?

legally you may not get into trouble but emotionally with your children is another matter.......
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
2-3 years unhappy
Married 22 years, yes the 3 kids are mine

When I told my mom I was unhappy she said she could sense it when she visited recently.

Yes, I've talk to the wife. The only thing this other woman will do is provide a financial scapegoat. I've put all my expenses in Excel and if I tried to move out, I would be negative every paycheck.

This other woman who has a son and is in a one bedroom apartment, will now move into a 2 bedroom apartment which we will share expense's. So;
1) I can afford it
2) She also is better off financially
3) It's a trial to see how things progress further for us
 

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Find a male room-mate then, it will earn you a little more respect.
 

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I have no words. Your kids will find out sooner or later how you left your wife. Seriously. Be a man and move out on your own and make it work before you jump into another relationship only because you can't survive on your own.
 

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I live in NC
According to NC statutue's
52‑13. Procedures in causes of action for alienation of affection and criminal conversation.
(a) No act of the defendant shall give rise to a cause of action for alienation of affection or criminal conversation that occurs after the plaintiff and the plaintiff's spouse physically separate with the intent of either the plaintiff or plaintiff's spouse that the physical separation remain permanent.

So my understanding is once I'm legally separated then if something occurs between and this other woman I should be fine
:rofl:

Key word: "After". Which means that those coffee dates and meetings with this OW who you intend to move in with to see how things go, since they happened BEFORE you decide to live together are indeed evidence of plan.

In short. No. You will not be "fine". You met this OW. You dated this OW. You have future plans with this OW all BEFORE you moved out. "Inclination and Opportunity" is all that is needed to prove adultery. Your word alone, that "nothing happened" is not good enough and your W, when she finds out about this relationship can use this information against you to obtain the better portion of the marital assets.
 

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As others have said, think beyond the financial aspect (for which you should talk to a lawyer anyway). You move out of your house, in with a woman. Do you really think anyone is going to buy the "just a friend" story? Do you really think it will stay as a friend? You're about to skip from one bad relationship to the next, with no chance to deal with your issues. Your part in the failed marriage. Bad idea. Find a male roommate if you need one.

C
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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
:rofl:
Your word alone, that "nothing happened" is not good enough and your W, when she finds out about this relationship can use this information against you to obtain the better portion of the marital assets.
As far as the financial aspect.
I will leave her the house with pretty much everything in it. Minus a few of my items;
My clothes
My dresser (it's not part of bedroom set)
Love Seat in Bonus Room
My computer
and a few other minor items
She will get the house
Has a large deck, above ground pool, 2 sheds
And everything else within it
She will get one car
I will also pay child Support
I will give her 1/2 of my 401K
I won't contest anything.
The kids will remain on my medical. Once divorced she will be removed from it.
So overall she is coming out ahead of me.
 
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