[lifeistooshort]

This is exactly like what I had with my ex and his snotty daughter. She was 16 when I came into the picture so no baby talk but she was spoiled and excluded me all the time. It frankly only got worse as she got into adulthood and ex was just like your bf in that he didn't like conflict and buried his head in the sand.

I could've even lived with her snottiness except ex demanded I kiss her ass. She didn't have to make any effort at all but I was supposed to ask about her, go out my way to engage her, and show up to her events where I'd be pretty much ignored. It allowed him to avoid dealing with her by blaming me for insufficiently kissing her ass.

Now granted she was much older and this girl is 12 so arguably you should make more effort. But the fact that your bf refuses to address her manipulative behavior, and expects you to not only tolerate it but to avoid "offending" his manipulative brat does not bode well. On top of that you're supposed to chase her while she treats you like crap and even be left alone with her. It further sets you up to fail and still have it be your fault.

He's frankly not that good of a catch with this brat and few women will put up with it.

IMHO, which you are of course free to ignore, you should not have moved in. You need your own place where you can be when it's time for him to cater to baby. You're living there and hoping to God she doesn't end up spending more time there, and he's going to put more and more of the blame on you to avoid dealing with the fact that he's got a manipulative brat.

Been there, have the t-shirt.

Get your own place and reevaluate living together when she's older. If he can't deal with that let him see if he can find another woman to put up with this.

 

[Andy1001]

This is exactly like what I had with my ex and his snotty daughter. She was 16 when I came into the picture so no baby talk but she was spoiled and excluded me all the time. It frankly only got worse as she got into adulthood and ex was just like your bf in that he didn't like conflict and buried his head in the sand.

I could've even lived with her snottiness except ex demanded I kiss her ass. She didn't have to make any effort at all but I was supposed to ask about her, go out my way to engage her, and show up to her events where I'd be pretty much ignored. It allowed him to avoid dealing with her by blaming me for insufficiently kissing her ass.

Now granted she was much older and this girl is 12 so arguably you should make more effort. But the fact that your bf refuses to address her manipulative behavior, and expects you to not only tolerate it but to avoid "offending" his manipulative brat does not bode well. On top of that you're supposed to chase her while she treats you like crap and even be left alone with her. It further sets you up to fail and still have it be your fault.

He's frankly not that good of a catch with this brat and few women will put up with it.

IMHO, which you are of course free to ignore, you should not have moved in. You need your own place where you can be when it's time for him to cater to baby. You're living there and hoping to God she doesn't end up spending more time there, and he's going to put more and more of the blame on you to avoid dealing with the fact that he's got a manipulative brat.

Been there, have the t-shirt.

Get your own place and reevaluate living together when she's older. If he can't deal with that let him see if he can find another woman to put up with this.

I really wish I could like this more than once.
@Ursula this guy is…….delusional.

 

[Openminded]

He’s telling you that nothing is really going to change because he plans to continue living on “hope”. Stay with your parents every other week and when the lease is up on your house move back in and plan to stay. She is going to win long-term because he’s going to let her.

 

[DownByTheRiver]

Now that there's some record of the mom being a drug user, he might even go for full custody.

 

[Ursula]

@Ursula my daughter will be six at the end of this month and she doesn’t talk or behave as childishly as your boyfriends daughter.
Has this child ever been seen by a psychologist?

Yes, she has, but she didn't actually communicate to the therapist.

 

[Openminded]

I don’t think anyone here recommended that you move in with him because it was obvious he was not going to actually parent her. And he hasn’t because he’s too scared to hold her accountable for more than a minute. He keeps hoping she’ll change and you keep hoping he’ll change.

 

[Ursula]

Now that there's some record of the mom being a drug user, he might even go for full custody.

That's not new news for him, and it's one of the reasons he left in the first place. She's a heavy drinker and smokes pot on a daily basis. Was into cocaine, but isn't anymore.

 

[Ursula]

Okay well. BF went out in town for a beer with his buddy, and his daughter and I are home. She's finishing some sort of game, I've got hot chocolates ready to roll, a bowl of snackies, and nail polish with maybe a movie if she's up for it. Let's see how this goes! 🙃

 

[DownByTheRiver]

Okay well. BF went out in town for a beer with his buddy, and his daughter and I are home. She's finishing some sort of game, I've got hot chocolates ready to roll, a bowl of snackies, and nail polish with maybe a movie if she's up for it. Let's see how this goes! 🙃

Good luck!

 

[Ursula]

Good luck!

Thanks! Turned out to be a fun evening of nail painting and playing some Roblox games. BF checked in earlier, he's home now, and hopefully this will kick start some better days now that she sees that I don't bite. Time will tell.

 

[gameopoly5]

So, BF and I just got back from a lovely trip to Mexico, and he picked his youngest daughter up the day after we got back. She's been with us since Wednesday, and it feels like forever! Her mother was all set to get a temp job with odd hours, and daughter was going to move in with us full time (except weekends) until June. Thank God that her mother didn't pass the drug test, and didn't get the job.

The first 2 days that we had daughter, she was in a terrible mood, glaring at me and otherwise giving 1 word answers or grunts when I spoke to her. BF talked to her and she's been much better the last couple days.

They've kind of been doing their own thing, and leaving me out again I'm not sure if she just missed her Dad and I'm reading too far into this, or if she's back to not wanting me around. Today, they went to a play place and I'm at home. Last night. She ran after her Dad to go with him to get milk, rather than spend 10 mins alone with me.

I talked to BF and he said that he doesn't think she's back to her old antics, and I extended an olive branch earlier to her. I asked her if she'd like to have a nail and toenail painting fiesta with me. First thing she did: point at her Dad's feet and said, "I wanna paint Dada's toes!!" It had to be explained to her that dada wouldn't be taking part and that it was just a girl's thing. Do I have a right to expect her to know that nail painting is more of a female thing, or am I expecting too much from a 12 year old?

Her Dad maintains that she just missed him while we were away, and I get that, but to a point. So, I left to go on a dog walk, and he talked to her. Apparently, he's going to be leaving the house so that her and I can spend some time together this evening. He said that I need to try with her and make some effort. I agree and that's what the olive branch was for. I'm worried about tonight, only have so much more "try" in me with this kid, and really don't want to be left alone with her. If she can't be alone for 10 mins with me, what the hell is she going to do with a couple hours without her dada?!?

I feel like I'm beating a dead horse here, but really do appreciate the advice and tips that you all give. ☺

When a person forms a relationship with someone who has a child or children from a previous relationship, the kids and the parent of the children all come as a package.
Your boyfriend will always give his children priority over you.
This is a situation you`ll have to accept because it won`t change.

 

[In Absentia]

Thank God that her mother didn't pass the drug test, and didn't get the job.

Not sure it's something to be thanking God for... sorry to be harsh, because your situation is not pleasant at all. The little girl will grow out of it. She might turn into a different type of "unpleasant", but it's matter of a couple of years. It's really up to you if you want to put up with this situation right now. I wouldn't, because her dad is always going to side with her, which is normal.

 

[lifeistooshort]

Not sure it's something to be thanking God for... sorry to be harsh, because your situation is not pleasant at all. The little girl will grow out of it. She might turn into a different type of "unpleasant", but it's matter of a couple of years. It's really up to you if you want to put up with this situation right now. I wouldn't, because her dad is always going to side with her, which is normal.

This isn't a case of him needing to side with his daughter. Of course he should protect her and look out for her best interests.

But "siding" with her over her had behavior is ridiculous. True she will probably grow out of this but Ursula will always be dependent on the daughter being decent because her bf isn't going to have her back.

I remember when my ex's daughter was almost 30, married, and still sending cards to him. Only him....from her and her husband. She called our house and when I answered I got "is Greg (not his real name) there?". No hello, nothing. I asked my ex how old she had to be to expect adult courtesies out of her and he stammered on about not knowing why she was like that. But he did nothing.

That's what you have here. A guy who does nothing except set her up.

Regardless I'm glad the evening went well and hope things improve.

 

[She'sStillGotIt]

Sadly, this crap is what you can usually expect when you pair up with a guy with female dependent children. That's why it was my FIRST rule to avoid this hell at all costs. I remember a while back advising that you run fast, you run quickly, and you run like the wind without looking back. Maybe one day you'll put on those running shoes.

Until then....

 

[She'sStillGotIt]

The little girl will grow out of it. She might turn into a different type of "unpleasant", but it's matter of a couple of years.

LOL...you said a mouthful.

That "different type of unpleasant" usually comes in the way of being even more sneaky, evil, diabolical, nasty and manipulative. The older they get, the more practiced at it they become. I've seen this happen WAY too many times...

 

[In Absentia]

LOL...you said a mouthful.

That "different type of unpleasant" usually comes in the way of being even more sneaky, evil, diabolical, nasty and manipulative. The older they get, the more practiced at it they become. I've seen this happen WAY too many times...

It's a possibility.

 

[In Absentia]

This isn't a case of him needing to side with his daughter. Of course he should protect her and look out for her best interests.

But "siding" with her over her had behavior is ridiculous. True she will probably grow out of this but Ursula will always be dependent on the daughter being decent because her bf isn't going to have her back.

I remember when my ex's daughter was almost 30, married, and still sending cards to him. Only him....from her and her husband. She called our house and when I answered I got "is Greg (not his real name) there?". No hello, nothing. I asked my ex how old she had to be to expect adult courtesies out of her and he stammered on about not knowing why she was like that. But he did nothing.

That's what you have here. A guy who does nothing except set her up.

Regardless I'm glad the evening went well and hope things improve.

Protecting and siding are often blurred concept when when it's the result of a broken marriage. It's understandable that the father would side with his daughter more than being fair and equal. It's human nature. I did say I would not put up with it. The father has shown Ursula numerous times that he is incapable of dealing with his daughter in a healthy manner. At this stage, the only thing Ursula can do - if she desires to stay in the relationship - is to find alternative strategies to deal with the situation, hoping that the issues will go away in the future. I have no advice.

 

[Livvie]

Thanks! Turned out to be a fun evening of nail painting and playing some Roblox games. BF checked in earlier, he's home now, and hopefully this will kick start some better days now that she sees that I don't bite. Time will tell.

The things is... she's known you for years. She already knows you don't bite. She just treats you like crap when she happens to want to. She didn't happen to want to last night.

 

[lifeistooshort]

The things is... she's known you for years. She already knows you don't bite. She just treats you like crap when she happens to want to. She didn't happen to want to last night.

Agreed. It's like living on scraps and being thankful when you get them.

 

[DownByTheRiver]

Thanks! Turned out to be a fun evening of nail painting and playing some Roblox games. BF checked in earlier, he's home now, and hopefully this will kick start some better days now that she sees that I don't bite. Time will tell.

Well done. Did she use baby talk on you?