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My wife and I love each other tremendously! We are 28 and have been married for almost 3 years. We have a 21 month old little boy! Well....I am going to get right to it. We have sex once (1) every week or two...mostly on Saturday during our son's nap. Seems planned and not spur of the moment. I personally would love to have sex much more...2 or so a week would not be crazy I think. We argue about this a lot. It seems as though my wife feels like "we need to have sex so you will not complain", but she says no. We have great sex...nothing crazy just normal.

HELP....we are tired of the arguments!!! What can we do????:scratchhead:
 

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It sounds like you're creating the situation that you're unhappy with - by arguing about sex, you're probably pushing your wife further away. Try working on your relationship first, then intimacy will improve and sex will come more naturally. Treat your wife with respect and listen to her nonverbal cues, if she doesn't seem interested in sex, don't push it. When's the last time you two got a babsitter and went out on a date?

It's going to take time, so you need to be patient. No one's ever died from lack of sex... the arguing is probably much more destructive to your relationship than not having sex.
 

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Yeah, it has been a while since we have actually been on a date just her and I! Yes, I do agree that we need some time to ourselves. I do not want to push her away (obviously)! The one thing that stays in the back of my head is that we are still young and in our sexual prime and we are rarely having sex (once every two weeks or so)! What is going to happen 5, 10 or 15 years from now?? At this rate....we will be luck to have sex once a year! She tells me all the time that she wants to have sex and hopes that I do not think that she does not. But the times we can....at night after our son is in bed....she is tired. How do I over come this? Personally, I really do not care how tired I am...if she would be interested....we would have sex!

I feel that you are right....it seems as though I am pushing her away with my desires! But, if I do not show interest to her...then she gets upset and wonders what is wrong. So, I am confused on how to change things! Anymore advice?? Thanks again!!!
 

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Well, my husband & I have had the same arguements only I was the one complaining! He had really been working alot but I feel the same way, even if I'm tired, I could perk up for a session! We fought about it alot. I dropped it for awhile. But I feel like sex is a big part of marriage & I wanted a compromise. We were driving in the car one day & I just said, " can we talk about our sex life without fighting?" We actually talk calmly & I expressed how important it was to me & how it made me feel when he didn't show interest(like having a roommate!). We've been having alot more fun together!

GOOD LUCK!!!:smthumbup:
 

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My wife and I love each other tremendously! We are 28 and have been married for almost 3 years. We have a 21 month old little boy! Well....I am going to get right to it. We have sex once (1) every week or two...mostly on Saturday during our son's nap. Seems planned and not spur of the moment. I personally would love to have sex much more...2 or so a week would not be crazy I think. We argue about this a lot. It seems as though my wife feels like "we need to have sex so you will not complain", but she says no. We have great sex...nothing crazy just normal.

HELP....we are tired of the arguments!!! What can we do????:scratchhead:

Once a week? I'm lucky if my wife and I make love once a month!! Don't worry about it. You are doing fine. Most couples don't have sex but once or twice a week. Make sure that you make it memoralble for her, though. Do a little getting in the mood thing. Romance her. Even if you feel like she just wants to get done with. FInd a way to make sparks fly.
 

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Honestly, the best way to get your wife in the mood is to help her with the house and the baby. It probably doesn't seem romantic to you, but I bet with a 21 month old she is just exhausted.

Here are my suggestions for things that would get me in the mood:
Do a chore without being asked
Light some candles
Offer your wife a nice drink -- whatever she likes that will relax her -- a glass of wine, a cup of tea
Rub her feet

Trust me -- that is better than any other foreplay you have ever used.
 

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My wife and I go through these spells also. We are starting to find out that it has a lot to do with our daily schedules and how much we push ourselves with all sorts of out of the house activities. It starts to make sense when you come home from being busy all the time and sex is somewhat of a last minute thought and there is usually not enough energy on both our parts to make it great sex if there is any sex.
 

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Listen, when it comes to limited sex, I'm a wife who knows exactly how that condition occurs... My line is not "I'm tired", but rather, "Leave me, I'm not in the mood!"...

Reasons that would cause me to feel this way is that sex is always the same... Nothing different... Same, same, same...

Want a great tip!!! Rent a movie to watch with your wife after the kids go to bed... RENT "THE NOTEBOOK"!!! It is the most beautiful love story today!!! Make sundae's with the works!!! Pick one up at Friendly's if you can!!! Let her enjoy movie!!! I rape my husband after that movie EVERY TIME!!! Something about it!!! Don't know, don't care, but Damn!!! Great Sex everytime!!!

Now for the same, same, same issue... If you're one of those guys, like my husband is, that just grabs and sucks and is ready to go, there's your problem... I tell my husband all the time, RELAX MAN! He just can't control himself!!! Guys just don't get it... That's NOT Sexy!!!

Take it slow!!! Kiss............. Slowly...................... Lightly.................... Let US come to YOU!!! We will if you could just control yourselves!!! Don't look for it.... Just Kiss........................ Slowly....................... That's really all it takes....................... Oh, and be sure to brush your teeth beforehand... It only takes 3 minutes... Try to keep your hands from touching any part of your wife's body!!! Just sit up in bed and Lightly kiss!

The hottest thing EVER is when a guy just kisses slowly and makes me work to get it!!! I tell my husband this ALL the TIME but I'm too damn "hot" for him.... It's a curse for me really!!!

Hope you guys have the stamina to handle yourselves better... Let me tell you this... If you do, you'll get laid like when you were in your 20's again!!! LOL!

Let me know how you make out!!!
 

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Honestly, the best way to get your wife in the mood is to help her with the house and the baby. It probably doesn't seem romantic to you, but I bet with a 21 month old she is just exhausted.
As a mother of three and a wife of 21 years -
I give this suggestion............ :smthumbup: :smthumbup:

And don't forget to compliment her through out the week and give her little non-sexual touches, kisses, hugs and playful gestures..... for she is like a crock pot and needs to shimmer for hours before she is ready.

Plus... believe it or not - it is a big turn on for some women to see their man spend time with the kids.
 

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Listen, when it comes to limited sex, I'm a wife who knows exactly how that condition occurs... My line is not "I'm tired", but rather, "Leave me, I'm not in the mood!"...

Reasons that would cause me to feel this way is that sex is always the same... Nothing different... Same, same, same...

Want a great tip!!! Rent a movie to watch with your wife after the kids go to bed... RENT "THE NOTEBOOK"!!! It is the most beautiful love story today!!! Make sundae's with the works!!! Pick one up at Friendly's if you can!!! Let her enjoy movie!!! I rape my husband after that movie EVERY TIME!!! Something about it!!! Don't know, don't care, but Damn!!! Great Sex everytime!!!

Now for the same, same, same issue... If you're one of those guys, like my husband is, that just grabs and sucks and is ready to go, there's your problem... I tell my husband all the time, RELAX MAN! He just can't control himself!!! Guys just don't get it... That's NOT Sexy!!!

Take it slow!!! Kiss............. Slowly...................... Lightly.................... Let US come to YOU!!! We will if you could just control yourselves!!! Don't look for it.... Just Kiss........................ Slowly....................... That's really all it takes....................... Oh, and be sure to brush your teeth beforehand... It only takes 3 minutes... Try to keep your hands from touching any part of your wife's body!!! Just sit up in bed and Lightly kiss!

The hottest thing EVER is when a guy just kisses slowly and makes me work to get it!!! I tell my husband this ALL the TIME but I'm too damn "hot" for him.... It's a curse for me really!!!

Hope you guys have the stamina to handle yourselves better... Let me tell you this... If you do, you'll get laid like when you were in your 20's again!!! LOL!

Let me know how you make out!!!
this is one hellava post! :smthumbup:
 

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OH HELL NO! Try going without (REGULARLY) for a month or more like is the case in our marriage. She (my wife) tried to pull some stuff recently and she made me wait 2 months, a little bit longer I think but I didn't check.

Yeah, women will have a billion reasons why they are not in the mood and a billion suggestions on what you can do to get them in the mood. You have to understand or you have to be more understanding or some stuff like that.

Like I said, I have been living this hormonal hell for about three years now, as it just gets worse and worse, and all I get is, all you care about is sex, you put too much pressure on me, you have to understand, blah, blah, blah... That was o.k. for the first few months, maybe the first year, year and a half, but not a realistic existence for a health man in reproductive age.

I finally had to tell her, either you start giving it to me more regularly or start being cool with me getting it somewhere else, bottom line. I told her, I love you and all and if I have to wait someday for a real reason like illness or if you had a reason to be stressing like a death in the family, I would be the most caring, patient man on earth. I will not however be at the whim of a womans moods, they are too unpredictable and unstable.
Sex for us men is just that, sex, it is not nor should it be so complicated.
 

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Oh my god, you sound just like my husband. We fight about the same thing. We just had a fight right now about it.Since you are like my husband in that aspect maybe I can understand him more by talking to you. Do you think your wife has a sexual disfunction? Why do you feel that she just does it because she has to? How come you can't understand that she could actually be tired, god forbid or maybe not in the mood. Is all the expections put on her? Meaning, you wait for her to initiate and when she doesn't you get mad? Or you initiate and she does not feel like it and then you hold that against her forever? These are things you should think about. You want sex period. But you don't want to put in the effort it takes to have sex. Relationships change and you have to learn to change with the relationship. This marriage is not only about you and your needs. Lets say you go out and get it somewhere else, you maybe sexually satisfied but believe me when I say you will find something wrong with that person. There is no perfect marriage. Learn to work with what you got and stop stressing her about when you get it because you are pushing her away and your putting pressure on her. That's exactly what I am going through. My husband claims he is not sexually satisfied. Do you understand how that makes me feel? Do you think that will make me want to hop in bed with him, uhh no..... So please do yourself a favor and stop beating her over the head with your demands, that approach obviously does not work. Try something different maybe you should look at yourself and wonder why she does not want to sleep with you. Theres always room for improvement.
 

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OH HELL NO! Try going without (REGULARLY) for a month or more like is the case in our marriage. She (my wife) tried to pull some stuff recently and she made me wait 2 months, a little bit longer I think but I didn't check.

Yeah, women will have a billion reasons why they are not in the mood and a billion suggestions on what you can do to get them in the mood. You have to understand or you have to be more understanding or some stuff like that.

Like I said, I have been living this hormonal hell for about three years now, as it just gets worse and worse, and all I get is, all you care about is sex, you put too much pressure on me, you have to understand, blah, blah, blah... That was o.k. for the first few months, maybe the first year, year and a half, but not a realistic existence for a health man in reproductive age.

I finally had to tell her, either you start giving it to me more regularly or start being cool with me getting it somewhere else, bottom line. I told her, I love you and all and if I have to wait someday for a real reason like illness or if you had a reason to be stressing like a death in the family, I would be the most caring, patient man on earth. I will not however be at the whim of a womans moods, they are too unpredictable and unstable.
Sex for us men is just that, sex, it is not nor should it be so complicated.
icompletely agree with u on that, except the roles are reversed, my husband is dead, when it comes to sex. He could care less if we ever done it, so im about to the point to go somewhere else for satisfaction, because talking sure dont do any damn good. good luck.
 

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Really, with a young child around, I don't think your situation is abnormal at all. I also think it'll improve in time.

However, by continually pushing the issue you'll likely push your wife further away. There's nothing that puts me off sex more that feeling obliged to, and I expect your wife feels the same.

Try laying off the nagging, and cherishing her by day to day touches, hugs, and making her feel special.
 

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My first question is, is your child still sleeping with you? Also, does your wife work? I am a stay at home mom and so I have a little more energy than maybe a mother who works all day and then does the chores and takes care of a baby. But I am a women who really doesnt feel the need to have sex all the time either. But I did read a good book that helped me understand how my husband feels about sex. Its called The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. Anyways, it was an eye opener as far as sex was concerned. Who knew it was SO important. It is definitely not important to me. We have a small child too, and if I am not in the mood, then I tell him he can just have a quickie, ie. he gets in gets out sort of thing...thats fine for me, if I am tired and not in the mood, the last thing I want to do is have sex. But really, a lot of guys think you can just mention sex and your wife will be up for it right away. It doesnt work like that with us, we cant just hear the word and be turned on. Romantic kisses, backrubs and such really will go a long way.
 

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Well Chris H., I've also always wonder if any partners give the other the "green light" in these types of situations.my wife's response was what you would have expected, a big "HELL NO!"
I of coarse plead my case without arguing with;
If I do, I won't bug you anymore! We can go without sex for as long as you'd like! Just because you don't have a sex drive don't expect me not to!
That kind of thing.
Amazingly she did agree with the logic of most of my points, she don't do logic well, and so I end up where I started.

fredfoxw28,
You said it your self, "This marriage is not only about you and your needs.", yet women want us to wait until they are ready without thinking about our needs.
You also mentioned, "Lets say you go out and get it somewhere else, you maybe sexually satisfied but believe me when I say you will find something wrong with that person."
I should have explained better, but if I went somewhere else for "sex" I would go to a professional and so would almost be pretty much guaranteed satisfaction. I'm not looking for a better wife or even a woman that truly cares about my needs, just sex.

I don't know if your husband is at this point yet, but trust me your sex is no different or more special that anyone other and if you make your man work too hard for it, he will quickly realize that it just ain't worth it and will eventually go somewhere else or just leave. You best realize that you shouldn't make it so hard to get your sex before your husband just stops asking someday.

jeanette, I feel you sister. You did your part by trying to talk it out, if that didn't work you go ahead and take care of your needs since he don't care. Simple as that, and if they don't like it then maybe they should do their jobs, right? Because, I'm sorry but yeah it it the spouses job to satisfy the others reasonable sexual needs.

Green-Moo,
Please know that I am normally a very caring and understanding man, I am all about fairness also, she has simply exhausted my patience. For example, she just got into a bad car accident on Monday, that's why it took me till today to reply, I've been taking care of her. I've told her before, if for some medical reason she can't have sex with me I will wait forever and be faithful, but I will not put up with games or having to jump through hoops for no reason other than a her issues.
 

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"Try going without (REGULARLY) for a month or more like is the case in our marriage."

Bad idea dude -- once she gets used to having it less, you won't even get the "bad sex". How do I know that? 6 months and counting, thats how.

She has convinced HERSELF that something is wrong, and she isn't going to change her opinion until she is darn well ready. You can try and try and try. You can do all the housework, pay 100% of the bills, shower her with gifts, and all you'll end up doing is rewarding bad behavior.

All this "I'm not in the mood", I'm too tired" they are just excuses. I'm not saying people are never "not in the mood" or never "tired" but when you get the same routine 3 or 4 times in the row, you know its a lie.

Make peace with it because the odds are highly against it changing the way you want it to.
 

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"Try going without (REGULARLY) for a month or more like is the case in our marriage."

Bad idea dude -- once she gets used to having it less, you won't even get the "bad sex". How do I know that? 6 months and counting, thats how.

She has convinced HERSELF that something is wrong, and she isn't going to change her opinion until she is darn well ready. You can try and try and try. You can do all the housework, pay 100% of the bills, shower her with gifts, and all you'll end up doing is rewarding bad behavior.

All this "I'm not in the mood", I'm too tired" they are just excuses. I'm not saying people are never "not in the mood" or never "tired" but when you get the same routine 3 or 4 times in the row, you know its a lie.

Make peace with it because the odds are highly against it changing the way you want it to.
Dang Chopblock, I feel your pain or rather the pain of my own is a lot like yours.
I tried the patiently waiting for sex and 1 month without quickly turned into 3 and she didn't even flinch. I've also tried being nice not a hard thing to do since it's in my nature to be that way anyway, but nope.
I have, like Chopblock here, have come to the conclusion that you just have to get yours, somewhere else, and stop expecting any magical sex to fall from the sky.
Just yesterday, my wifes best friend was telling my wife that her man keeps bugging her for sex and that she just ignores him, going as far as calling him to respond to a text he had sent her saying simply,"I need sex!" and her response she had to say in person was, "So, what do you want me to do about it."
I was just sitting there playing with our 15 month old baby boy giving them their hen time and my wife says "I'm doing the same thing to him, huh babe." The cold blooded bi_ch had the nerve to say, huh babe, like I would somehow laugh along with them or something.
I later asked her, do you guys seriously see what you do as a joke or take pride in making us go without for some reason?
She got all defensive and told me I always ask that same question, news to me because I have never said that to her before. Anyway, I asked her oh yeah, and so what is the answer then, to which she simply walk away.

LOOSER... I thought, I'll be glad to finally cheat on your selfish uncaring ass.
 
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