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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
We have been back together for 3 years. Rough start but we've gotten back to a really good place.

Those of you who know how to use instagram know that you dont need to be a follower or a friend to someone to 'like' their photos if their profile is public.

Also when you like photos on instagram it shows up in your facebook newsfeed. A few of our friends are friends with the girl he cheated with.

So yesterday morning im scrolling through my facebook and low and behold it said that my husband liked a photo on instagram...a photo of her.

He claims he was scrolling through his newfeed and one of our other friends liked the photo so he clicked it..and then double clicked the photo on accident to like the photo. When I saw the post I clicked it and the photo was no longer liked by him..but it still showed up in my news feed. So I guess he unliked it after he liked it on accident.

So either he innocently some how managed to open the photo and then like it by accident...or he went out of his way to search for her and go through her photos and accidentally liked one of her pics that way.

Either way seeing that post killed me. Ugh.

How would you feel? What would you say?
 

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Well I don't use instagram, but I would say WTF!?!?!?

I smell a rat. Seems to me like he "liked" her photo and then figured out that was a bad idea and tried to cover his tracks. Does that mean that he temporarily succumb to a little bit of fog and pulled his head out of his ass or does it mean he's still pining for her and didn't want to get busted? I don't know. Pay attention.
 

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Whether he was looking at her pictures in private, or with a friend, it's a bad idea. It may not violate the letter of no contact, but it violates the spirit. He may not be able to stop himself from thinking of her from time to time. But he needs to work on not reinforcing that by seeking her out online. If you saw that he liked her picture, I'm sure she saw it too. It doesn't take much to reinstate contact and then renew an affair.

Good luck.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Is it psycho or out of line for me to ask him delete his social networks?
 

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You can ask him but then you should do it also.
Posted via Mobile Device
 

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After this, no. But I would do it as well. Simply tell anyone who asks that you want to focus on your family.
I agree. Whether it was a mistake or not doesn't matter. Its one more injury to deal with. He needs to learn there are consequences to every action. Intent doesn't figure into it.
 

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Did you look at his browsing history to see if he is searching for her or how he arrived at the photo? Please don't say he deletes browsing history. Or messages of any kind. I would suggest that if he wants those things deleted to improve computer speed or the like, that he ask you to delete them.

My understanding is that if she was blocked on Facebook, her name would not appear on his page. Is that not true? Is she blocked on his Facebook?

I don't think you are out of line for asking him to delete his social networks. I don't know your story, but I take it that he cheated on you, not you on him. If he is the one who cheated, and now he is "accidentally" triggering you by "accidentally" looking at photos of his old cheating partner and "accidentally" liking them, then it's up to you what you can tolerate. I can understand not wanting to go back to having to monitor all his social networks like it was d-day all over again after you finally re-built some amount of trust. I also don't think that you should have the same consequence as him as far as deleting the social networks. He cheated, not you.

I also suggest that in the future, he should tell you first before you find it on your own when he "accidentally" comes across a photo and likes it of the woman he cheated on you with (if he doesn't delete his accounts).
 

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No way was this an accident. The accident is that he didn't realise you would spot that he did it.

He is probably using it as a way of "telling" her he still thinks of her.

It sounds harsh, but you are better knowing where you are here.

It is not out of line at all to ask him to delete his profiles, but be prepared for him to take it underground.

I think you are better not asking him and keeping a check.

Trust but verify. Asking him to delete is not trusting and you also cannot verify what you cannot see.
 

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To piggy back on Will's post, if you log into a FB account, you can see ALL of their activity on their Activity Log.
It will show if they searched for a person, posted, liked, every single thing they have done on FB since they had an account will show, including anything they hid from someone else.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
This was done from his phone. Neither of us use the computer much at home so checking the history isnt much help.

I've checked the history on his phone and have seen nothing.

Her facebook is private so he cannot view anything but her profile picture if he searches her. But her instagram isn't private. I have no way or knowing if he searches for her on instagram frequently or not.
 

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Is it psycho or out of line for me to ask him delete his social networks?
I would insist.

After my wifes affair she closed her social accounts, got a new email address, a new phone number, and threw away anything she wore in pictures she sent him. I also bought her a new phone and took the one she used in the affair so I would never see her holding it again.
 

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Well, this was so unecessary, wasn't it?

I sometimes wish a cheater could totally hate the person he cheated with, but that doesn't seem to happen. They end up regretting it when they realise that it could cost them their more valuable relationship and the harm they have done.

Since he unliked the picture without you telling him to do that, he realized that it was wrong or an accident. At least he proved that common sense. Being this a first time incident, I would probably tell him how important it is for me not to happen again.

I sure hope for you that he is a nice guy and loves you and respects you as you deserve!
 

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It was an accident. When you scroll through instagram on a touch screen you have to move your finger from the bottom of the page to the top. You like a photo by tapping on it twice. This is easy to do when simply scrolling. At the very least he was going through her page.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Yes. The double tap could and very well possibly was an accident. But navigating out of his way to her profile?...not so much.
 

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He shouldnt be fb friends with any mutual friends. Its R 101! Come on here. these arent "friends" if they know she is OW. so he must defriend ALL mutual friends or close his fb. Simple enough and perhaps stop using instagram as well.
 
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