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Life threw a curve all.

1454 Views 7 Replies 5 Participants Last post by  richie33
Our marriage the last year has been so difficult.
We are in MC, some days we are awesome, the others
we can't stand each other. I don't listen very well, quick to
fight. The old wounds get opened again and it seems all the
progress we made goes down the drain. I love my wife dearly
but I can't seem to be able to just shut my mouth and just
Listen. I get defensive, I hear things than she is not saying.
She never gets her point across cause I shut her down.
Financially our world is crumbling around us. My cc are maxed.
We live paycheck to paycheck. I am always thinking about that.
Her emotional needs are not being met and I can't help cause I
can't stop thinking how will we pay the electric.
We have two beautiful sons. One just turned 2 and the baby just
turned 1. Awesome boys. I can't tell you how much I love them.
We always saw the oldest doing things that weren't " normal" but we got a lot of boys would be boys. But my wife didn't have none of that. She went to the doctors and made sure we got him into a program for early intervention. They said he was delayed and the approved help. In the six months he has improved in some areas. But not to the point my wife was happy, thank God for her. She will fight tooth and nail for her boys. So she requested more help. For that to happen my son would have to be reavaluated. The psychologist came diagnosed my son to have PDD. Which is a form of autism.
For me my world feel apart. I am devastated. If I was useless before helping my wife emotional needs and I am not sure how much help I will be now. I am so sad. I worry what his life will be like. Can I provide the financial costs of specialized schooling? Will my youngest be OK? What did I do or didn't do? I can't get my head around this.
My marriage is not good. We love each other dearly. But I fear if we both don't get on board and get this marriage back on track this latest news will break us. Not really asking a question, more like venting. Maybe someone reads this and has some words of wisdom. Thanks for reading.
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"If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story."

Orson Welles

It's life... you two each have brains... use them. There is this wonderful thing called the Internet use it.

Ditch the MC and pay off a debt. This is between you and your wife.

Consider bankruptcy. You each control your own thoughts, emotions and actions.
Live your lives and don't expect help.
hang in there. You are stronger than you think you are
It's not something you did.... do your homework, read up on it and you'll see.

Also, as a have to do the homework anyway so you'll know what you are dealing with, what your son will have to deal with, etc... You have to know what the options are. And ya know... Knowledge is power. It's all not so scary if you KNOW what the options/odds/solutions are.
Do you realize what autism is, what pervaisive developmental disorder is?

To better understand your son, do the research. Study the crap out of it.

PDD is a high function form of autism, he can most likely be mainstreamed with an iep or integrative educational plan. A special needs teacher called an educational assistant can be present with him in a mainstream class to provide a one on one environment.

Look into aba and cbt therapy. Don't discount your son because of a "label " plenty of "auties " lead very successful and fulfilling lives.

Btw, i am a parent of two kids on the spectrum. One is aspergers the other autism spectrum disorder.

Remember this :

We are not the sum of our disabilities. Our disabilities ARE our abilities.
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Thanks for the kind words. We just found this out on Thursday so this is all new to us.
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Thanks for the kind words. We just found this out on Thursday so this is all new to us.
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If you have questions, please don't hesitate (you or your wife). I will answer anything that I can to help fascilitate a better understanding of the diagnosis. Note that I am *NOT* a professional but I am someone who has been doing the "autism dance" for 9 years running.

I've gone through the diagnosis process, the self blame the realization that I did nothing specific to cause this.

PLEASE don't blame yourselves. You are not the cause of this. His brain is hardwired differently from yours or your wife's or mine. It doesn't mean he is not capable of love, of smiling, of speaking or laughing. It doesn't mean he is not capable of being a productive child and in the future member of society.

It's on a physiological level, not necessarily genetic either (still debating genetic links in the medical forum). It's physical pathways of the brains neurons that are build differently than ours. They see things and people and environments extremely different from us. They process it differently. They are not disabled in the least. Not one bit.

Don't lay self blame at your feet, either of you. You aren't to blame at all. You could not have done anything or done anything to cause this at all.

As for your marital problems. COMMUNICATION!!! That is the key to everything in a relationship, communication. MAKE time for yourselves - even if it's 20 minute pillow talk.

If you can make time to sit and watch an hour long television show you can make time for an hour for each other.

Again, please don't hesitate to ask any questions you may have. You or your wife.
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Thank you CantePe. Very nice of you to go out of your way. Lot of good people on here.
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