I have recently decided to end my marriage. After the holidays, I will be leaving my husband and setting out as a single mother. My main reasons are in a post in the considering divorce thread.
Here is where it gets complicated... I have a male friend that I have known for nearly five years. Our relationship has been purely platonic because we are both married. About a year ago, I realized that I was starting to develop feelings for him, which in addition to other reasons, made me start to question why I was still married to my soon to be ex husband. I never acted on these feelings or did anything that would give anyone reason to suspect that I cared for him as any more than a friend.
A couple of months ago, he told me that he and his wife are having problems and he wanted to leave her. He asked me not to say anything as he would deal with that himself. His wife is the type that would not have taken the news from me any better, so I have not said anything.
Earlier this month, they got into a fight and he left. Even though I had nothing to do with their arguement, she accused him of sleeping with me. I let her know how mad I was to hear that and told her I would never do anything with her husband behind her back. While he was gone. she even behaved inappropriately, threatening suicide where her daughter could hear, taking family pics down, and telling the kids that he didn't care about them. Out of concern for the kids, I asked him to go back and give it another try, as she promised she would make changes if he did. I also selfishly realized that if they split, I would lose atleast one of them as a friend permenantly. My son adores her husband and I would hate to see him lose him.
During their fight he also told me that he has not been in love with her for years and he is in love with me now. He has a job lined up near my hometown area (out of state) where his family is also and a place of his own to live when he gets there. He wants me and my son to go too...
A couple of weeks later, he confided in me again that she has not changed and he is planning to leave again. He is now waithing for my answer.
He is everything I have always wanted. I do love him and my son has said he wishes he were his daddy instead of my husband. My son has even slipped and called him daddy and his wife thought it was cute how close they are. He loves my son as much as his own kids and would be great to him.
The problem is that if his wife realizes how unhappy he is, she doesn't show it. She says she loves him deeply, but she gets aggitated when he is home or calls her while he is at work. When he is home, she wants him to go to work. When he is at work, she wants him home. She has been told she is bipolar, but refuses to get help because of how her mother is on medication for it.
I don't know what to do. She is my best friend and I would never do anything to hurt her, but knowing he feels the same about me as I do him is making things difficult. I don't want to tell her because I will lose her as a friend, but if I went with him, I would end up with her as an enemy and she would turn their kids against me and him. His daughter said when he left last time that when she was 13 she would tell a judge she wants to live with him, but I don't know how much her mother will change that in the next 3 years.
I don't want to lose anyone. He does so much for me, like fixing my car cheaper than a shop would charge and being a father figure to my son. She will not be able to help me make it on my own as money will be tight for both of us, so I may have to move back home anyway. I wish things were back the way they were and they could stay together and be happy and I just continue to keep my feelings a secret...