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Hello everyone!!! I’m very new to this, but I need some advice from those that are married out there. So my wife and I have been married for 6 years, 7 years this summer. Our relationship has had some up and downs just like every other couple. Most recently we’ve had to make some difficult decisions. So my wife decided to quit her job, due to reasons I really can’t discuss and we decided to start looking south for job opportunities. I supported her on leaving the job because it’s what she felt was best. I recently received an opportunity down south for a good paying salary, and it exactly what i have been looking for. It was a hard d decision for us because my wife has lived in the same house she grew up in with her mom and other family members and she has a huge attachment. We have been living here since we’ve been married, had my son, who is now 4, and we have really never been on our own. Although she agreed with the move she was not %100 on board. So it’s been a struggle with finding a place, moving stuff and even coping with the fact that her mom would not be coming with us. Now here’s the kicker!! We found out that she’s 6 weeks pregnant!! Which completely took me off guard! This put even more stress on me and her as well. Some factors that led to the stress were that we had no help down south, my 4 year old would have to wait a year to enter kindergarten, and it would be too hard for her to do it all on her own because it’s too overwhelming for her. Also, she wouldn’t be able to work for a while because of those reasons. AND daycare was out of the question for her. The stress became so unbearable that I decided to call off the move. BUT! now I more than likely have no job to come back to, she has no job, and im back to living at my in laws house. I’ve accepted my decision and the consequences, but I’d like to hear what others would do in my position. Thank you all in advance. Oh, one more thing. Be nice people, I’ve heard it all. I’m not looking for judgment or criticism, just some outside perspective.
 

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I can't exactly speak from experience. My wife and I came close to moving well away from family at one point. The thing I always knew I could count on is that I could always move back if I didn't think it was working out. There's no rule that says you have to stay where you bought a house forever.
 

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How quickly do you think you can get a job? If you can make it work back at home are you okay with just staying there?

I understand your wife's position. My family, as dysfunctional as it can be, is EVERYTHING to me. I've relocated but knew it was temporary but still I struggled. About to relocate again, temporarily. This time we have 3 or 4 families where we will be living that I know very well and get along with and will probably help with our 4, 2, and 1 year olds from time to time. And yet I'm STILL struggling. It's only for 10 months but just the thought of leaving our home and families on both sides is heart wrenching. It's AWFUL being away from my husband for long stretches of time so I don't know what's worse! But I'm going to do this to make my husband happy because he is an awesome husband and father.

The first time I did this I was pregnant also. Ugghhh! Looking back on that time I just couldn't stand it! I was back and forth between him and back home but ended up having the baby prematurely back home. He couldn't even make it back in time. He was there for the weeks in NICU though. But that was so stressful! I can totally understand your wife about this but can sympathize with you also.

I just hope you can find a job and move out of your in-laws' house. Is that a goal for you guys or do you want to stay with them? You were living with them before accepting the new job, right? We've also lived with my parents (mostly me, he was away at the job most of that time). As much as I love my Mom and Dad, it sucks. I always felt like an intruder with my wild and rambunctious kids.

I know I'm all over the place with this post, probably because I understand so well how you and your wife must be feeling. I hope you all can talk it out and come to a solution that will work well for your family. Be supportive but don't be an "anything you say, dear" type because that may cause her to lose respect for you. Plus I'm sure she wants to see strength in you. In life sometimes we have to get out of our comfort zone and it really does make you stronger as a family when you can get through it.

Hope everything works out!
 

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If it were me, I wouldn't have called off the move, especially if you had a fantastic job lined up. How come your 4 year old would have to wait an additional year before entering kindergarten? Wouldn't it be easier with 1 child at home instead of 2? Does your wife have some mental issues that prevent her from doing too much?

If I were you, I would call the job people back, and keep the original plans to move. Look hardcore for a job where you are in the meantime, and if you find something suitable, then great, maybe consider staying where you are. But, for you both to be jobless and almost have a family of 4 would be very silly.
 

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I wish you had come to us sooner. Before you declined the job offer.

Jobs come first. You have to eat. You need a roof over your head. Your wife is suffering in your present location. She would also have suffered in your future location.

At least the latter came with a job. Not with a hope of a job.

You are the head of your household on your tax forms. Act like it. Take charge.
 

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I wish you had come to us sooner. Before you declined the job offer.

Jobs come first. You have to eat. You need a roof over your head. Your wife is suffering in your present location. She would also have suffered in your future location.

At least the latter came with a job. Not with a hope of a job.

You are the head of your household on your tax forms. Act like it. Take charge.
I agree with this. It's just that I can be touched with his wife's position, having gone through it myself, more than once. I kind of see both sides but agree that it's better to have a job than not have one. OP, my sympathies aside, you really need a job, like yesterday.
 

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I must admit I can’t help but wonder why you chose to continue to live with your in laws for 6 years. I just think it means there’s some special circumstances. That’s what I see, anyway.
 

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It seems to me your wife needs to get over herself and grow up. People relocate solely because of a job/career. After you gave up your job for her, she was supposed to continue with the move. Which brings me to the pregnancy. Not everyone has help, especially not mommy right there in the same house. People move and raise their family as babies come along. I don't know where you live, but I haven't heard of 4 year olds entering kindergarten. That's a rarity for most areas, which brings me to the daycare issue. Lots of mothers don't want to place their kids in daycare, but they come to the conclusion that they have to do it, and so they do. Did she even look into the daycare situation in the new city? Some daycares have kindergarten classes also.

At any rate, I think she is being childish. I also think you gave in but shouldn't have. You should have insisted on the move even if temporary until a job and you guys' own home could be found back in your original area. No way should you be moving back to or deciding to stay at her mother's house. It actually sounds like wifey has no plans of ever growing up and out of the nest. Six years is a long time and should have been ample amount of money saved up for that to have happened already. But as soon as it became reality, she was lukewarm about it and didn't want to move away from mommy. The pregnancy posed her perfect excuse not to have to grow up and face life as an adult.
 

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How old are you? Would you rate your maturity and independence as high or low? Personally I have a hard time relating to your lifestyle choices. I moved out on my own 2,500 miles from home at 17 despite a great hometown and family...just no opportunities there.


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I think that living with parents once you are married is a very bad idea. Its stopped her from maturing and being independent. At the very least get a place of your own and move away even if its only a few miles.
I think that you moving right away would have done her so much good, and got her away from the ties that she should have cut years ago. You are her family now.

Not sure what the issue is with her not being able to manage one or two children?

My husband moved to the other side of the world with his first wife in his late 20's, its what people do all the time, move away from wider family.

Many people have no family help with children, I didn't. Its not as if you have 6 kids or something. She has a husband to help, she will manage.
 
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