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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My background. Wife of 5.5 years/ 12 years together, left me May '12. Another WAW. No kids. I got us into marriage counseling until Sept when she quit. I tried everything I could think of to save this because I love her with all of my heart. She announced she wanted D in Nov. I finally got the balls and went dark a month ago. Today out of the blue she sent me an email saying

Hey, I tried these recipes the other night and they were fantastic. Here are the links where I found them on the internet. I think you would like them a lot.

I did not respond. This was a nothing email. She is never the one to initiate contact. So Why now? I told myself I was not going to think about it and try and figure out her motives, but it has been bothering me all day. Was this just a tester email to see if I would still respond? Is she really that naive and just thinks she is being nice? By the way she has a masters degree so she is not stupid. All through this she really hasn't played any games at all but why send a stupid email like that then. Since the day she left I do not feel that she even one time tried to save the marriage. Not even once. She just showed up to counseling and our "dates" that was it nothing more.

And then on the other hand in the back of my mind I start to wonder for the thousandth time "Maybe she finally realizes the dumb mistakes she has been making". I know she doesn't, but man just a simple stupid email can mess with your head. ARG. I am frustrated with my life.
 

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Stay dark! They can sence when you let your guard down, and normally after you do you will have regretted it!
If she had any interest she would not be talkin about food but ur marriage .. Just my two cents! Good luck stay dark!
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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I am staying dark but it would be so easy to send a simple reply saying that I will try them. Then I asked myself what good would that do? Answer nothing.

Still don't understand her motivation for the email though, it bugs me.
 

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She had another man on the go, they fell out, and shes trying to make contact with you. Thats the only explanation. Sorry to be so blunt.
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l sorta go with this one and she's making small talk to suss out your response.
You don't just ring up and say you wanna talk about us .
 

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There could be a ton of reasons she sent that email. The only fact you can discern from it is she is trying to make some contact with you and being generic and friendly to mask her true intentions.

Whether its to make her feel better about what she's done to you or because she wants you back or just wants to manipulate you more. No one can answer that. She's probably testing the waters to see your response. Again for what reason I do not know.

I would ignore the email. My ex did the same thing yesterday when I had to meet her to get a necklace. Later she started texting me about where I could get a good silver cleaner etc. She hasn't texted me in months and now all of a sudden starts acting all friendly. I just ignored the texts and didn't allow them to enter my mind. I'm tired of having to decipher and analyze her intentions and could care less.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Well she email last night and asked about taxes. I already told her months ago I would take care of it. For some reason she sent her summer reservation to hike in a national park, with the other man I am sure, to our house. I emailed her back to not send those things here again. I also reminded her that I already agreed to do our taxes. Nothing else. I am so tired of trying to play a game with a woman. Every answer I have to think about. I miss when I could just respond to her with my qenuine feelings.
 

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striker,

When someone says they have a WAW to me it means that they are done and just leave. They DON'T have another guy in the wings

It's clear that your wife left because of an affair. Sorry but you know this is right.

Saty dark. Do the 180 to move on and I hope you find someone who will love you and be faithful to you in the future. You deserve that
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Thanks Toffer

I am pretty sure this guy only showed her how "free" she could be without a marriage. He seems to have a little harom of 7-10 women about 8 years younger than him that are all single. It still almost qualifies for an EA though.

I really do hope I can move on from this and actually trust another woman. I cannot see it now but hopefully someday. I miss having someone to tell my life to. Tonight my nephew, two years old, went to the hospital with an allergic reaction and I found myself just wishing I could talk about it with my spouse. I can't help, because they are on the other side of the country. I miss having someone there for me no matter what happens.

Anyone? How do you deal with the loneliness when you have no one to talk to? My friends are all dudes and they clam up whenever a real emotion comes out from me.
 

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you do need to get out more...or possibly start dating...or reaching out to the opposite sex..yes...I miss male companionship myself..

I know i can't help you much here other than you need to find a way to meet women...

but I can tell you this...your stbxw...IS NOT the answer to how your feeling right now...it will pass...

you and i are in the same boat here... I miss it too...and my stbx is NOT the answer ...

so don't hang yourself...stay dark...stay strong... stay in control...
 

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You are not alone! I was just thinking the same thing lastnight just with a male instead of a female. Seems all I have left are my friends are girls!!!
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Striker,

Have you startedworking on yourself yet? Try dealing with any issues that your stbxw brought up as well as going to the gym, getting new clothes etc.

Make yourself Striker 2.0 for the next lady in your life
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
you do need to get out more...or possibly start dating...or reaching out to the opposite sex..yes...I miss male companionship myself..

I know i can't help you much here other than you need to find a way to meet women...

but I can tell you this...your stbxw...IS NOT the answer to how your feeling right now...it will pass...

you and i are in the same boat here... I miss it too...and my stbx is NOT the answer ...

so don't hang yourself...stay dark...stay strong... stay in control...
Stella I agree with everything you said. Two problems. I have no idea how to meet women, and I don't think that it would be fair to them if I cannot be fully committed to them . I am still not over my stbxw. I really wish I was. I love your last line it was perfect.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Striker,

Have you startedworking on yourself yet? Try dealing with any issues that your stbxw brought up as well as going to the gym, getting new clothes etc.

Make yourself Striker 2.0 for the next lady in your life
Yep I have been working on myself. I am sore as crap because I did start working out again. I have been trying to go out and do things, but most of my friends are married and otherwise occupied. I work with only one other person and my customers are generally in their fifties so I am having a hard time meeting new friends.

I am trying to be 2.0. and learn from this marriage. It is still a long lonely road though. Work is not busy right now so I have too much time to think.

In a lot of ways I kind of wonder if I won't get over this until I find another person, but that does not seem healthy.
 
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