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I can't deal with my husbands lies anymore. He has always told lies about stupid things he does that I may not have been happy about, but the fact that he lied makes it far worse. I have tracked him on GPS and he is rarely where he says he is. I don't really think he has cheated, but I did catch him texting someone a few months ago, trying to hook up. He claimed it was just a joke and an ego trip.

I try not to track him anymore, because it just drives me crazy. But how can you trust someone that lies so much. We have been married 15 years and I don't think he has cheated, but sometimes I feel like I must be a fool to think that. Most of his lies are usually stupid things, like saying he is at work, but is actually at home or lying about how much money he has spent or something.


I hate being lied to. :( He insists he does nothing wrong...but honestly if you aren't doing anything wrong why lie???
 

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Perhaps he fears your judgment? First, take a look at yourself and ask if you are overbearing on him in any way. Maybe he thinks it's easier to lie to you about something he thinks doesn't matter anyway than to tell you the truth and risk having a fight over something he thinks doesn't matter. I was in this boat in my marriage of 8 years until I decided to alpha up, so he bears most, if not all the responsibility here if he hasn't alpha'd up himself. But all you have the power to do is control yourself.
 

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I can't deal with my husbands lies anymore. He has always told lies about stupid things he does that I may not have been happy about, but the fact that he lied makes it far worse. I have tracked him on GPS and he is rarely where he says he is. I don't really think he has cheated, but I did catch him texting someone a few months ago, trying to hook up. He claimed it was just a joke and an ego trip.

I try not to track him anymore, because it just drives me crazy. But how can you trust someone that lies so much. We have been married 15 years and I don't think he has cheated, but sometimes I feel like I must be a fool to think that. Most of his lies are usually stupid things, like saying he is at work, but is actually at home or lying about how much money he has spent or something.


I hate being lied to. :( He insists he does nothing wrong...but honestly if you aren't doing anything wrong why lie???
You are right.

You can't really trust a husband that is trying to hook up with another woman. Saying it was a "joke" is standard cheater-speak.

So you know he is a liar & either cheating or looking to cheat.

Book a marriage counseling appointment & keep snooping.
 

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Him telling you he is at work when he isn't, is not a stupid lie though. Its a lie that needs to be taken seriously.

If he isn't cheating, then can he account for where he is at when he tells you he is one place, but yet he is really at another?

If he is at home, then why lie and say he is at work or some other place etc? Does he think marriage and peoples feeling are a game?

If you really want to know whats going on, you will need to do some more digging. The trust is already gone, might as well find out for sure what is up with the lies.
 

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I can't deal with my husbands lies anymore. He has always told lies about stupid things he does that I may not have been happy about, but the fact that he lied makes it far worse. I have tracked him on GPS and he is rarely where he says he is. I don't really think he has cheated, but I did catch him texting someone a few months ago, trying to hook up. He claimed it was just a joke and an ego trip.

I try not to track him anymore, because it just drives me crazy. But how can you trust someone that lies so much. We have been married 15 years and I don't think he has cheated, but sometimes I feel like I must be a fool to think that. Most of his lies are usually stupid things, like saying he is at work, but is actually at home or lying about how much money he has spent or something.


I hate being lied to. :( He insists he does nothing wrong...but honestly if you aren't doing anything wrong why lie???
Because of his track record, I would always assume he was lying just based on the fact his mouth was moving.

People lie for all kinds of reasons. His may be pathological, or simply just to amuse himself. The question isn't so much why he lies, but why after years of this you expect something else?
 

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I really love that when a female poster complains about their husband being a liar or any other issues, one of the comments is always "are you being an overbearing female and forcing him to be a liar/cheater" and that he obviously needs to "get alpha."
And that obviously, if you don't like being lied to you are being "over emotional" and "judgmental" and "picking a fight over nothing."

OP - there's one of a few options:

1 - He's conscious of what he's doing and lies because he enjoys getting a rise out of you and/or is trying to gaslight you.

2 - He's conscious of what he's doing but doesn't feel any compulsion to tell you the truth, he doesn't feel you have a right to know the truth.

3 - He's conscious of what he's doing and is hoping if he lies long enough and frequently enough you'll stop bothering to ask what he's doing so he can finally get away with something (AKA actually cheat with that hookup that was "just a joke.") without you suspecting anything, as it will just be another one of his lies.

4 - He's unconscious of what he's doing and he's simply a pathological liar due to some emotional/mental issue.

So - has this always been the case, has he always had a problem with lying, or is this a recent development? If its a recent development, then #4 is unlikely.

But to get to the bottom of it - you might need to get him into some MC or IC - a marriage can't survive when there is no trust. And - if every time his mouth is open he's lying, that's a trust problem.
 

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I really love that when a female poster complains about their husband being a liar or any other issues, one of the comments is always "are you being an overbearing female and forcing him to be a liar/cheater" and that he obviously needs to "get alpha."
I have said this but only in response to "little" lies not big ones. If a man lies about having junk food for lunch when he said he was on a diet its likely because he fears judgement at home.

If a man lies about going to work when he's not and says trying to hook up was a joke - well this is something completely different. These are the actions of a man with something big to hide. My BIL used to lie about going to work but what he was doing was yes having an affair among other addictions.
 

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I don't really think he has cheated, but I did catch him texting someone a few months ago, trying to hook up. He claimed it was just a joke and an ego trip.
Keep in mind: Lying can work all the time.

II try not to track him anymore, because it just drives me crazy.
Bad move. Why does it drive you crazy..because it illustrates how often he is lying?

.. We have been married 15 years and I don't think he has cheated, but sometimes I feel like I must be a fool to think that. Most of his lies are usually stupid things, like saying he is at work, but is actually at home or lying about how much money he has spent or something.
Lying about being at work is a small thing? Really?

Hm. My thought is you need to bring the hammer down on this. You can either bring it to a head and deal with it - or continue to keep the status quo.

The entire 'it was a joke' thing really bothers me. He is entirely full of S#iT - and I think you know it - but afraid to admit it to yourself because you now what it would mean. You already know he is full of it, but afraid to acknowledge the consequences.

First things first however. You need to start making some changes if you are still interested in doing so. Poste haste.
 
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