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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I found out my wife has been hiding money for a long time and just found some marijuana in the bathroom, and she secretly(trys to be) smokes cigs...Can I trust her anymore, We have a 6 yr old son. We argue all the time, she is very very selfish. Constantly lies...Will not admit when shes wrong or express any feelings other than all her faults are a result of me.We've been together for 7 yrs. Its been a roller coaster. Many times she has lied and even when shes caught red handed she won't admit it or she'll make a stupid excuse. Her answer to everything is f... you I want a divorce. She has a terrible temper. Basically she not the person I thought she was, but we have a son...?????Now she is staying with her Mom I'm at home with our son.What now???
 

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grnt,
I would be concerned about the hiding money and marajuana for sure! The cigarettes thing, well....I'm currently trying (AGAIN!!) to quit smoking. It's very, very, very hard! If she's lying about smoking cigs, it's for the same reason that I was "sneaking" them for a while: I'd make this big deal about quitting and that I was really going to do it this time, yadda, yadda. Then when it got too hard and I caved, I was frustrated and embarrassed and didn't want my husband or kids to know because I didn't want them disappointed in me, or mad at me, or whatever. So the cigs thing is something she has to decide for herself and only herself and she'll need alot of understanding and support. Again, it's a serious addiction, it's totally bad for you, and it's very, very, very hard to stop.

The marajuana....1. it's illegal! Whether or not it should be doesn't matter (I think it should be illegal btw) 2. She has a child. Pot alters your state of mind (I know, I did it when I was younger and stupider), it also well, it's pot, come on!

The hiding money....is she hiding it so she has money for pot/cigarettes? Or is there another reason? Usually women hide money when they're planning on leaving. I'm not saying she is, but just dig deeper into it.

Your title suggests that it's not necessarily the actions themselves but the lies she's telling about these actions that really gets you and I completely understand that. It is hard to trust someone who you know is lying to you. My suggestion is to not make any drastic divorce decisions until you know exactly what's going on and why. Or do you already know, and just didn't post it?

Just some thoughts...
Good luck!
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I forgot to mention that she also has a gambling problem. She just won't admit anything or get help, her parents are worthless in this field. Thats where some of the money goes. I want to be with her for my son. I would be fine without her. I don't want my son to have to chose between his mom and dad, grow up with divorced parents parents like I did, my dad said when he divorced my mom I didn't handle it to well... as a kid. Maybe thats why I got into some trouble as a kid and know have relationship problems. I don't want my son to live like that.
 

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You're absolutely right on the divorce issue. It's a mess. Been there too. The hard thing is (as you know) that she refuses to admit her addiction(s) or get help for them....I really wish I had some good advice for you, but I'm here to "listen" if nothing else.

~Sarah
 

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Grnt, I don't think you're over reacting, or wrong for wanting better for your son. My suggestion is to write things that she does down, get some type of collaboration, and then force her hand. If she wants to continue to be a part of your son's life, then she has to get help. If she refuses to get help, then (even though it will be hard on your son and you), let her go. Begin divorce proceedings and take your evidence with you to the lawyer, ask for full custody of your son. If your wife is smoking pot, is she doing it in your son's presence? If so, do you know the effects pot will have on a child that age? You might want to do some research and find out. Also, if she's hiding money so she can "feed" her addictions (pot, smoking, gambling), if she were to have custody of him, would she have his best interest at heart, or would her addictions be more important? I know it's not an easy decision to make, but you have to protect your son.

Let us know what happens. I've prayed for you.
 

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You sound like a nice man and a good father. Don't settle for less because if you do, your son will have less. People will treat you the way you allow them to. Remember: if this continues, you allow her to treat you and your son this way. There are a lot of good women that would love to have a good man in her life, but you will never have one if you stay in this marriage. Cut your losses and invest the time in your life with someone that will be a good friend, wife and mother to your son. Don't be a human scrafice for anyone. Show your son that life does not have to be disfunctional. She is a liar and a thief. Is that how you want your son to see women? Don't let her steal your happiness and your chance to have a healthly loving relations. Take care.
 

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I posted my situation with my liar a few hours ago, you can read it if you want, but I went to truthaboutdeception.com-- and spent quite a while reading about why ppl lie in relationships, etc.....and found some reasons as to why he might be acting like an ass. Not that ANY of it is an excuse, it just sort of explains why. Fromwhat I understand, a relationship is always a power struggle, in one way or another, and when some ppl feel like they are 'losing' or have no control, they do stupid stuff, and lie about it, to kind of level the playing field. Makes sense. Doesnt offer much of a solution, but, sometimes it helps to gain a deeper understanding, ya know? ALSO- you cant force an addict to admit they have a problem... they kinda have to hit rock bottom.
 
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