[buyingtime]

So a friend recommended this page for support. Figured I'd get some honest opinion here.

Here is the story. I have been married to my wife for 3.5 years no kids together, I have one girl she has two sons. The first 10-12 months were a breeze, everything was happy easy and carefree. Well we ran into ran into her ex husband one night when we were out (marriage ended rough). Anyway being a **** when he was walking off he said hope you got your herpes treated. I asked what he meant and she told me she has herpes. So a year after Ive been married to her I get told she has herpes and apparently she has been on medication for years for it. Talked it through and everything was OK. I had my doubts but was dealing.
Then I found out she had been hiding money from me putting it up somewhere. Then I found a debit card for an account I didn't know she had. So I finally lost it and asked her just what all have you hidden from me. Well after digging for a month, I found all kinds of stuff she had lied about. I tolerated it for the next 2 years to try to give her time to change. She still lies about stupid little stuff like what she had for lunch or where she was shopping or , she babies her 13 yo kid and does all his homework and virtual school work for him and he's failing because of it, Then one night when we got in an argument about one of her lies she starts in on the pity party of what have to be lies, because I don't see a woman doing this.... She tells me she was raped by her brother, and then raped by two of her brothers friends later, (but her and her brother are best friends) her parents didn't do anything about any of it and she let her kids stay at her brothers house all the time. As far as Im concerned I don't want me or my daughter around any of them after allowing something like that to happen, unless she made that up too, in which case its a sick demented mind.
Im just at wits end with all of this. I told her last night I can't and wont do this anymore and I want a divorce.
Ive already wasted 3+ years of my life being lied to. Everything she told me was lies from the beginning, I fell in love with a figment of her imagination that she created with lies.

 

[shortbus]

My first wife was a habitual liar, notice I said first wife.
Sounds like you can't believe one thing out of her mouth. Because you can't.
I don't want to be the one to tell you to divorce her, but, you should divorce her.
Like yesterday.
Good luck going forward for you and your daughter.

 

[jlg07]

I'm not sure HOW you could move on with a person who has completely lied about herself (seemingly from the beginning of your relationship) and CONTINUES to do so.
Honestly, you DON'T KNOW this person -- you know the image she tried to create.
I could recommend Marriage Counseling, but SHE needs IC seriously to try to understand WHY she lies about everything to you. Without that, the MC will not work. Without that I don't think the marriage will work.

The problems you have financially is that IF she is wracking up debt while you are married, and you get D, HALF of that debt will be yours.
You may want to have a few discussions with a lawyer to see make sure you get a plan together for finances, alimony/child support if any, etc.

 

[Evinrude58]

Lying is the tip of the iceberg as far as her problems. Your decision of logical.

 

[Andy1001]

She lied by omission about the herpes and put your health at risk.
If she’s telling the truth about her brother she’s putting your daughter at risk of sexual assault.
You need to separate right now and the first thing you need to do is find out if your daughter has been harmed in any way. I would go to the cops about this without telling your wife because she’s going to lie to you anyway.
You also need to separate your finances immediately, your wife could be up to her neck in debt and you will be liable for some of it.

 

[Beach123]

There is absolutely no foundation for the marriage. She has ruined it - purposely by lying.

I don’t see how you can expect the marriage to work. She seems toxic.

 

[buyingtime]

She lied by omission about the herpes and put your health at risk.
If she’s telling the truth about her brother she’s putting your daughter at risk of sexual assault.
You need to separate right now and the first thing you need to do is find out if your daughter has been harmed in any way. I would go to the cops about this without telling your wife because she’s going to lie to you anyway.
You also need to separate your finances immediately, your wife could be up to her neck in debt and you will be liable for some of it.

The whole brother thing was supposedly 25 years ago but I’ve always known behaviors of criminals to never change. Everyone has a past. My issue is she didn’t tell me and my daughter has been around a child molester, and even worse her whole family accepts it. If that’s the case I don’t want to be around any of them because they are all messed up in the head, and if she is so low as to make up a story like that of her brother then she has a whole lot of crazy in her that will never go away, and it will be a matter of time before she tries to blame me for something crazy.

 

[buyingtime]

There is absolutely no foundation for the marriage. She has ruined it - purposely by lying.

I don’t see how you can expect the marriage to work. She seems toxic.

I wholeheartedly agree. I’ve begun my transition. Protecting my assets, moving my insurance policies around, changed my beneficiary To my daughter on everything that’s mine.
I have a phone conference with my attorney today.
I need to make sure my house is protected as I have a lot of equity and owe very little on my mortgage.
I spent all my money and assets on a 2 year court case for custody of my daughter, so not much cash sitting anywhere.
Retirement accounts are equal so that’s easy enough.
I guess I need to find out if we’ve been married long enough for her to be able to get half my equity more than anything.

 

[MJJEAN]

So a year after Ive been married to her I get told she has herpes and apparently she has been on medication for years for it.

Lie by omission and a very serious one. Lying about a communicable disease that is incurable is unforgivable to me. I'm surprised you stayed, honestly. I am not without sympathy. I have friends and family members with herpes or genital warts and I understand how difficult it is for them to tell new partners, but they're decent honest people who disclose before sexual activity. To risk someone else that way is just...so many levels of ****ed up and wrong.

Then I found out she had been hiding money from me putting it up somewhere. Then I found a debit card for an account I didn't know she had. So I finally lost it and asked her just what all have you hidden from me. Well after digging for a month, I found all kinds of stuff she had lied about.

Get a lawyer involved ASAP. Depending on state law you may be responsible for half of the debt she's run(ing) up. Perhaps more, depending on how she did it, who is on the accounts, etc.

Keep digging. You may find more.

Also, please separate your finances. Run your credit report. There may be accounts you don't know about in your name. You'll need to talk to your lawyer about how to handle joint or shared accounts. Some states prohibit changes until the divorce is final while others allow changes at separation.

She tells me she was raped by her brother, and then raped by two of her brothers friends later, (but her and her brother are best friends) her parents didn't do anything about any of it and she let her kids stay at her brothers house all the time.

She's a known liar. You cannot believe anything she says. It may be true. Maybe that's why she's the way she is. It may be a complete fabrication because she knows you're done with her and she is trying to keep you sucked in with her poor abused waif story. Doesn't matter.

Let me repeat that. It does not matter. Regardless of the reason, she is toxic soup and you need to eject her from your life.

Im just at wits end with all of this. I told her last night I can't and wont do this anymore and I want a divorce.

Danger, Will Robinson, Danger!!!

This woman is clearly unhinged and willing to lie to obtain what she wants. This is a dangerous time for you. You have no idea what she will say or do once she realizes you're serious. You may want to keep a voice activated recorder on you if you're in a 1 party audio recording state. You may also want to consider "security cameras" around the house if you don't already have them. Store data in the cloud so she can't erase it.

Well we ran into ran into her ex husband one night when we were out (marriage ended rough).

Might want to give him a call. She hasn't changed and he's been where you are. He can tell you how she behaved and what she did or tried to do. Forewarned is forearmed.

 

[buyingtime]

Lie by omission and a very serious one. Lying about a communicable disease that is incurable is unforgivable to me. I'm surprised you stayed, honestly. I am not without sympathy. I have friends and family members with herpes or genital warts and I understand how difficult it is for them to tell new partners, but they're decent honest people who disclose before sexual activity. To risk someone else that way is just...so many levels of ****ed up and wrong.



Get a lawyer involved ASAP. Depending on state law you may be responsible for half of the debt she's run(ing) up. Perhaps more, depending on how she did it, who is on the accounts, etc.

Keep digging. You may find more.

Also, please separate your finances. Run your credit report. There may be accounts you don't know about in your name. You'll need to talk to your lawyer about how to handle joint or shared accounts. Some states prohibit changes until the divorce is final while others allow changes at separation.



She's a known liar. You cannot believe anything she says. It may be true. Maybe that's why she's the way she is. It may be a complete fabrication because she knows you're done with her and she is trying to keep you sucked in with her poor abused waif story. Doesn't matter.

Let me repeat that. It does not matter. Regardless of the reason, she is toxic soup and you need to eject her from your life.


Danger, Will Robinson, Danger!!!

This woman is clearly unhinged and willing to lie to obtain what she wants. This is a dangerous time for you. You have no idea what she will say or do once she realizes you're serious. You may want to keep a voice activated recorder on you if you're in a 1 party audio recording state. You may also want to consider "security cameras" around the house if you don't already have them. Store data in the cloud so she can't erase it.



Might want to give him a call. She hasn't changed and he's been where you are. He can tell you how she behaved and what she did or tried to do. Forewarned is forearmed.

I have vor with me at all times. I have cameras in my house and more to replace them if she finds them and destroys them. I’ve heard the nasty lies she’s telling friends and her family about me. I’ve done this before, I know to protect myself. I know I can’t remove her from my home by force. I know if I change the locks she can bust out windows and get back in. Luckily the title to my house is solely in my name, which is part of why I am meeting with the attorney to see what I can and can’t do.

 

[MJJEAN]

I know I can’t remove her from my home by force.

Nope, but you can always hope she decides to leave on her own.

I mean, depending on what the lawyer says it's entirely possible you can cut her off for the most part and perhaps she will find living with you without access to your resources doesn't suit her. Especially once you remove all the other benefits of sharing a space such as companionship, help with whatever confounds her, and so on.

 

[buyingtime]

Nope, but you can always hope she decides to leave on her own.

I mean, depending on what the lawyer says it's entirely possible you can cut her off for the most part and perhaps she will find living with you without access to your resources doesn't suit her. Especially once you remove all the other benefits of sharing a space such as companionship, help with whatever confounds her, and so on.

She works so she can support herself. She just doesn’t make near as much as me.

 

[MJJEAN]

She works so she can support herself. She just doesn’t make near as much as me.

Yeah, which is why cutting her off as much as possible may work. Once she realizes she cannot spend her money and yours she may look for greener pastures.

 

[Rowan]

How long did you date your wife before you married her?

 

[Ragnar Ragnasson]

I don't see why you haven't started divorce proceedings already. Really don't.

 

[Diana7]

The whole brother thing was supposedly 25 years ago but I’ve always known behaviors of criminals to never change. Everyone has a past. My issue is she didn’t tell me and my daughter has been around a child molester, and even worse her whole family accepts it. If that’s the case I don’t want to be around any of them because they are all messed up in the head, and if she is so low as to make up a story like that of her brother then she has a whole lot of crazy in her that will never go away, and it will be a matter of time before she tries to blame me for something crazy.

Its highly unlikely that she would want to be around her brother if that actually happened. I suspect its more lies.

 

[buyingtime]

How long did you date your wife before you married her?

About a year.

 

[buyingtime]

I don't see why you haven't started divorce proceedings already. Really don't.

It's in the works.

 

[Openminded]

It’s also possible that if she can’t make it on her own, and can’t find someone to help, she might end up back on your doorstep. Be prepared.

 

[buyingtime]

It’s also possible that if she can’t make it on her own, and can’t find someone to help, she might end up back on your doorstep. Be prepared.

That will never happen, she will never be welcome around me or my daughter again.

So I talked to her mom and brother today. They are both blown away. None of this stuff ever happened.

I said well I wanted you all to know one way or the other, so maybe yall can attempt to help, BECAUSE IM DONE!!

They understood, they apologized and said they held no hard feelings against me. I mean this is like psych ward mentality here.

Attorney said, lets draw the papers up for no fault, split cash down the middle, each keep own retirement, give her hers and her sons vehicles, and I keep the house and all equity.

But we need to do it and do it today.

Ive gotten my finacials in order, benificiarys changed, her name off my credit cards. Trying to figure out how to handle insurance and stuff on vehicles. My company won't split policies under the same roof. I can't make her leave for the 60 day waiting period.

Should I call her childs father and tell him whats going on? Someone that will lie about stuff like this will do anything. I don't want her kids being caught in some crazy stuff.