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FM...... how'd the holidays go with the kids?
Went real good! On Thursday, we had our mini celebration with the two boys, my ex and me. That went well. Then, Saturday through Tuesday, I took the younger boy to the home town. The ex was cool with that. Spent time with my family, etc.

I have to admit, I did kind of have the Christmas blues... I occasionally get saddened from missing what my family used to be. Everything is different now.

I also briefly saw my ex LD GF in the home town. She’s still crazy about me and vice versa. But, we didn’t hook up... just hugged and a couple kisses on the cheek.
 

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I tend to agree with DjDjani.

American men are rather pathetic as a whole, and we are getting even weaker and more pussified by the year. Pretty soon women will have no more use for us for anything other than sperm dispensers.
 

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Random update time, for anyone who cares, haha!

Everything in my life is going incredible, yet I’m freaking bummin’ out, hard. I’ll elaborate...

My family is awesome. My kids are doing well. The 15 year old boy lives at my townhouse with me, full time. My 19 year old college student lives with me when ge comes home. The ex and I are awesome as team members.

Musically, my life is going incredibly well. I’ve been writing the best songs I’ve written in over a decade, playing with amazing musicians, playing paying acoustic gigs, heck I was even approached to essentially lead a string band.

Financially, my life is going great, considering I’ve been grinding hard since my divorce, which will be about three years in May.

Yet, I still strongly desire a loving relationship and the fact that I don’t have one bums me right out. I think a horrible winter is affecting my mood/possible depression.

I still long for my ex girlfriend, from my hometown. Our long distance relationship lasted 6 months officially, but more like 9 or 10 months. Just to re-cap, we live four hours apart and neither can move... really long story, haha. The last time we “saw” each other was October of last year. I know that many people may immediately think ”if neither of you can make the move towards the other, are you truly on love?” I get that. It doesn’t make it hurt any less. I believe she loves me, to this day. In fact, as toxic as it sounds, she told me those exact words less than a month ago.

Then, I think about my ex wife, who looks amazing, physically. As we all know, there’s much more to it than looks.

The whole affair topic still creeps its ugly head into my brain, occasionally.

Thanks for reading. Sorry, y’all. I just realized I should probably start a new thread at life after divorce. I was going to talk about the fear of being vulnerable with someone new, but this is probably off topic.

I’m feeling depressed at the moment, but I think I can shake it and it’s temporary.
 

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Random update time, for anyone who cares, haha!

Everything in my life is going incredible, yet I’m freaking bummin’ out, hard. I’ll elaborate...

My family is awesome. My kids are doing well. The 15 year old boy lives at my townhouse with me, full time. My 19 year old college student lives with me when ge comes home. The ex and I are awesome as team members.

Musically, my life is going incredibly well. I’ve been writing the best songs I’ve written in over a decade, playing with amazing musicians, playing paying acoustic gigs, heck I was even approached to essentially lead a string band.

Financially, my life is going great, considering I’ve been grinding hard since my divorce, which will be about three years in May.

Yet, I still strongly desire a loving relationship and the fact that I don’t have one bums me right out. I think a horrible winter is affecting my mood/possible depression.

I still long for my ex girlfriend, from my hometown. Our long distance relationship lasted 6 months officially, but more like 9 or 10 months. Just to re-cap, we live four hours apart and neither can move... really long story, haha. The last time we “saw” each other was October of last year. I know that many people may immediately think ”if neither of you can make the move towards the other, are you truly on love?” I get that. It doesn’t make it hurt any less. I believe she loves me, to this day. In fact, as toxic as it sounds, she told me those exact words less than a month ago.

Then, I think about my ex wife, who looks amazing, physically. As we all know, there’s much more to it than looks.

The whole affair topic still creeps its ugly head into my brain, occasionally.

Thanks for reading. Sorry, y’all. I just realized I should probably start a new thread at life after divorce. I was going to talk about the fear of being vulnerable with someone new, but this is probably off topic.

I’m feeling depressed at the moment, but I think I can shake it and it’s temporary.
FM....... I 110% get the bummed out feeling.... not really having a serious LTR three years after

your D. But for some of that time.....you weren't ready. Same way for me after post-D live-in was kicked out.

I honestly think...LOL....when you live alone and really start to enjoy it, that is when you meet someone

who may have the spark to take it the long haul. Question..... were you wanting a serious LTR

back when you met "hometown girl" and settled for her, knowing it really couldn't "blow up in your face?"

Or a low risk attempt at claiming something that's similar to what you were wanting?

Being alone in Nov / Dec does take a toll on you. Every damn person you see, M...and happily M.

And it is perfectly OK to have thoughts run through your head from time to time pertaining to the affair.

I know it bugs you at times.....she's giving you a standing offer of wanting to get back together.

And you catch yourself thinking about "who she used to be." Then the dragon rears its ugly head and you recall

how she treated you like sheet, betrayed you, and destroyed your family. You don't miss her

nor the family near the end, it's the idea of a family you think of. Sometimes you might catch yourself

thinking back to when your M was great..... because "THAT" is what you're wanting. Not with your XW

and probably not with two young kids under the age of 8.

Ever tried hanging out in book stores, libraries, or coffee shops to meet people?

Could the ideal person you are looking for be out of your age range?
 

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FM....... I 110% get the bummed out feeling.... not really having a serious LTR three years after

your D. But for some of that time.....you weren't ready. Same way for me after post-D live-in was kicked out.

I honestly think...LOL....when you live alone and really start to enjoy it, that is when you meet someone

who may have the spark to take it the long haul. Question..... were you wanting a serious LTR

back when you met "hometown girl" and settled for her, knowing it really couldn't "blow up in your face?"

Or a low risk attempt at claiming something that's similar to what you were wanting?

Being alone in Nov / Dec does take a toll on you. Every damn person you see, M...and happily M.

And it is perfectly OK to have thoughts run through your head from time to time pertaining to the affair.

I know it bugs you at times.....she's giving you a standing offer of wanting to get back together.

And you catch yourself thinking about "who she used to be." Then the dragon rears its ugly head and you recall

how she treated you like sheet, betrayed you, and destroyed your family. You don't miss her

nor the family near the end, it's the idea of a family you think of. Sometimes you might catch yourself

thinking back to when your M was great..... because "THAT" is what you're wanting. Not with your XW

and probably not with two young kids under the age of 8.

Ever tried hanging out in book stores, libraries, or coffee shops to meet people?

Could the ideal person you are looking for be out of your age range?
WARNING: NOT 100% infidelity post, but it all stems from infidelity and deals with the aftermath. If moderaters need to delete, I apologize. I’m a one trick pony on this site. I have one thread and I occasionally read other threads.

Chuck - I almost feel like I know you, at this point. You’re a valuable contributor to this site, my friend. This is going to be a long response and hopefully a wake up call to myself. Writing this down feels almost spiritual for me, like acknowledgment... hard to explain.

I’m 43 years old. My ex LD GF from the home town is 34. I wasn’t “seeking” her when we met. I met her at a friend’s Christmas party and we added each other on FB. We kinda just started messaging each other. It was freaking magical. Out of all the women I’ve had any sort of relationship with, after the big D, she is the only one I feel this strong of a connection with.

I’m still in love with her and she has recently told me she loves me, which obviously messes with my head. I KNOW that I need to purge her from my life, but I have been trying for months and failing.

I’m working on writing songs for an album and I’ve actually laid down some tracks already... Almost ALL the songs are related to my relationship with her, although they’re abstract enough where the average listener can’t tell. This blissful relationship and the subsequent breakup (which neither of us are apparently over) has inspired me an unbelievable amount! So, there is definitely a silver lining.

Was it a low risk situation? Yes and no. In the beginning, as so often happens, it was unreal. We were on the same page on so many levels, the sex was amazing, we did adventurous things, I could go on and on... Here’s the sad part. NOTHING went wrong during the relationship, except for the distance problem.

Anyhow, I’d say I opened up and made myself pretty vulnerable to this woman and vice versa. Have I thought about abandoning everything I’ve worked SO hard to get and go move back to my home town? YES! Many, many times. She’s building a house out in the country. It would be incredible, no doubt. But, the truth is, I am 100% certain that I can’t move back there any time soon. My son, who lives with me, has 2 more years of high school, I’ve got a great job that I can’t leave, I own a home that I had to fight incredibly hard to purchase, etc.

Was it a long term relationship I was seeking? If it’s the right person, yes! She seems to be that right person, then again I’ve been wrong in the past.

So, back to how this all ties together. I’m writing these songs and posting them on FB. They’re secretly about her and she knows... so she clicks “love” and randomly texts me... It’s really toxic, but also intoxicating, like a drug... She’ll say “I love love live what we had,” etc. I like refuse to let it go and it’s like I know she knows she has me wrapped around her finger... I know, it’s pathetic and probably toxic!

Meanwhile, I’ve really delved into the local music scene and my FB posts have done great things for me! Because of these posts of original songs, other musicians have messaged me about jamming. So, suddenly, I’m playing with a new band and just kind of meeting several new people/friends...

Speaking of new friends, at this very moment, there is a woman messaging me. She’s probably 50, which would be different for me. Guess what? I’m almost afraid to hurt her or myself. I know I’m not over my ex GF. It’s so messed up. I don’t think I’m ready for a new relationship yet, but I do desire the physical aspect of it. Maybe it would be the best thing for me, but I’m not super physically attracted to her. She’s kinda cute, very fit, seems to be very nice, has a great personality, etc. I don’t know!

Anyhow, thanks for inspiring me to write this. I need to get back to working on me. I need to purge my ex GF from my life. That means de friending her and blocking her on FB, blocking her #, de friending people like her sister, etc. For me to do that is going to be a monumental task. Life is short and I’m not getting any younger. I deserve happiness. I deserve to be in a loving, trusting relationship. Me holding onto what SEEMS like a very loving, heartfelt and sort of sad situation is actually preventing me from growing right now. I AM growing musically, friend wise, spiritually, etc. Like I said before, all aspects of my life are going AWESOME right now, except for the relationship department. Maybe I should go see my old counselor for one visit and get this stuff off my chest because I’m somewhat depressed when I really shouldn’t be. My life is going incredibly well. I shouldn’t be letting an ex GF from a small town be holding me back and that’s exactly what’s going on.
 

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FM...... thanks for the compliments. If you would like, I will PM my FB handle. Back in the day, way

before I began to write....I was a songwriter. Got a few I would love to give to either Celine Dion or

Peter Cetera. She knows you can't move to her because of your children and work. She should respect that.

But I feel she is still tugging at you to move. If you love someone....you want what is best for THEM....

not just yourself. Two main characters in my book, she gets a scholarship to a university but

she doesn't want to leave her b/f. They are teenagers....he tells her she has to go.....for her.

Yes they meet later in life. And you may run into her again, maybe after the kids are grown.

But your home is there, your job is there, your kids are there. Plus your XW would block a move that far

away because it would impact her seeing the youngest child. If the two of you are unable to talk on "just

friends" terms.....you should block her. Or can you deal with just seeing her once every 6-8 weeks?

That is a choice only you can make. If music is your passion, then by damn follow it. Do shows......

you'll end up with more groupies than you can handle. And let's remember....if you pulled your youngest

out of HS....he would flip a gasket. His friends are there, the girl he has a crush on is there.....and his mom

is there. If your luck is like mine LOL you will write many songs about your x g/f and they go on

to be Top 10 hits. Then she sues you for part of the earnings!
 

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FM...... thanks for the compliments. If you would like, I will PM my FB handle. Back in the day, way

before I began to write....I was a songwriter. Got a few I would love to give to either Celine Dion or

Peter Cetera. She knows you can't move to her because of your children and work. She should respect that.

But I feel she is still tugging at you to move. If you love someone....you want what is best for THEM....

not just yourself. Two main characters in my book, she gets a scholarship to a university but

she doesn't want to leave her b/f. They are teenagers....he tells her she has to go.....for her.

Yes they meet later in life. And you may run into her again, maybe after the kids are grown.

But your home is there, your job is there, your kids are there. Plus your XW would block a move that far

away because it would impact her seeing the youngest child. If the two of you are unable to talk on "just

friends" terms.....you should block her. Or can you deal with just seeing her once every 6-8 weeks?

That is a choice only you can make. If music is your passion, then by damn follow it. Do shows......

you'll end up with more groupies than you can handle. And let's remember....if you pulled your youngest

out of HS....he would flip a gasket. His friends are there, the girl he has a crush on is there.....and his mom

is there. If your luck is like mine LOL you will write many songs about your x g/f and they go on

to be Top 10 hits. Then she sues you for part of the earnings!
She pretty much can’t sue me, to my knowledge. The paperwork is signed, sealed and delivered! Not only that, my ex simply would not do that. I know it seems crazy, but I’ve completely nailed exactly what she would/wouldn’t do and I’ve been 100% accurate so far, haha.
 

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I’m down for the LDR and have been the entire time. She’s not and I understand why. It’s a sad love story, I guess. I need to stop being sad and go back to being awesome!!!
You told her this is what you are capable of giving right now and the next 3-4 years to come.

You were 110% up front and honest with her. Her refusing to accept the best you can offer....

is her choice and HER problem. You have kids, she has kids..... neither can uproot for a number of years.

You offered LDR, she declined. Ok.....end of story. FM..... in a few months, when she decides to

accept the LDR, be careful. She will enter into the LDR with resentment.

Stick to music and the kids for awhile. Again.... check out book stores, libraries, coffee shops.

If you like to read or research...... best places. Coffee shops..... it's like a "bar" for sober

people. Stay away from the bar scene..... unless it is an upscale bar. And if you hit

OLD..... post your profile and let them come to you.
 

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You told her this is what you are capable of giving right now and the next 3-4 years to come.

You were 110% up front and honest with her. Her refusing to accept the best you can offer....

is her choice and HER problem. You have kids, she has kids..... neither can uproot for a number of years.

You offered LDR, she declined. Ok.....end of story. FM..... in a few months, when she decides to

accept the LDR, be careful. She will enter into the LDR with resentment.

Stick to music and the kids for awhile. Again.... check out book stores, libraries, coffee shops.

If you like to read or research...... best places. Coffee shops..... it's like a "bar" for sober

people. Stay away from the bar scene..... unless it is an upscale bar. And if you hit

OLD..... post your profile and let them come to you.
I doubt she would have resentment, as we totally understand each other’s situations.

As far as meeting women, I have plenty of possibilities... no worries meeting new gals at all. I’m kind of getting heavily involved with a music scene in a great city for music. I probably go to 6 shows per month and perform publicly 4 times per month.

Things will work out, when the right person comes along... Not to sound arrogant, but damn it, I’m a catch. I’m successful, have a good job, own a home, I’m a great dad and have essentially raised two great young men, I’m a great multi-instrumentalist/singer/songwriter, I have many hobbies, many friends, I’m in decent shape, I’m ok looking (I hope, haha) and essentialy, I have my $h!t together. On top of all the above cash and prizes, I’ve been told I’m a great lover. There has got to be someone out there for me...
 

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I doubt she would have resentment, as we totally understand each other’s situations.

As far as meeting women, I have plenty of possibilities... no worries meeting new gals at all. I’m kind of getting heavily involved with a music scene in a great city for music. I probably go to 6 shows per month and perform publicly 4 times per month.

Things will work out, when the right person comes along... Not to sound arrogant, but damn it, I’m a catch. I’m successful, have a good job, own a home, I’m a great dad and have essentially raised two great young men, I’m a great multi-instrumentalist/singer/songwriter, I have many hobbies, many friends, I’m in decent shape, I’m ok looking (I hope, haha) and essentialy, I have my $h!t together. On top of all the above cash and prizes, I’ve been told I’m a great lover. There has got to be someone out there for me...
Well...... at least this post is much more positive than the one you made on 6-20-17......post #1097.......

"Being born with a crappy head shape and sucky hair kind of really stinks. That's why lots of bald dudes like myself go crazy in the gym. They want to work on something they can actually change about their appearance."

You just keep on being you. They will come......

 

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FM....... hows life treating you??
 

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My ex wife is blown away because she now sees the man I used to be,

Marriage slowly turned you beta. It gradually sucked out your masculinity. I think that's what happened to you. this happens a lot. You became complacent and thought everything was locked down. this is where many guys go wrong. the woman's attraction meter fluctuates up and down whereas the man's, for the most part, tends to stay at a more even keel. You came into the marriage alpha, whereas you didn't propose. Good Move. Your ex wanted to lock you down at that time.. The fastest way to rekindle that attraction with an ex wife is to find a girlfriend. Forget therapy and all that other crap. New girlfriend is the fast route.

Be careful in future relationships that you don't drift back into mr nice guy. Recommend the book the Rational Male
if you haven't read it. Another thing, all those love songs are pretty beta, especially country music, so put up the mental wall. You dont have to believe it to play it. Also take a look at rich coopers videos on youtube and rollo tomassi's.

i think you handled your situation quite well.
 
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