FM....... I 110% get the bummed out feeling.... not really having a serious LTR three years after
your D. But for some of that time.....you weren't ready. Same way for me after post-D live-in was kicked out.
I honestly think...LOL....when you live alone and really start to enjoy it, that is when you meet someone
who may have the spark to take it the long haul. Question..... were you wanting a serious LTR
back when you met "hometown girl" and settled for her, knowing it really couldn't "blow up in your face?"
Or a low risk attempt at claiming something that's similar to what you were wanting?
Being alone in Nov / Dec does take a toll on you. Every damn person you see, M...and happily M.
And it is perfectly OK to have thoughts run through your head from time to time pertaining to the affair.
I know it bugs you at times.....she's giving you a standing offer of wanting to get back together.
And you catch yourself thinking about "who she used to be." Then the dragon rears its ugly head and you recall
how she treated you like sheet, betrayed you, and destroyed your family. You don't miss her
nor the family near the end, it's the idea of a family you think of. Sometimes you might catch yourself
thinking back to when your M was great..... because "THAT" is what you're wanting. Not with your XW
and probably not with two young kids under the age of 8.
Ever tried hanging out in book stores, libraries, or coffee shops to meet people?
Could the ideal person you are looking for be out of your age range?
WARNING: NOT 100% infidelity post, but it all stems from infidelity and deals with the aftermath. If moderaters need to delete, I apologize. I’m a one trick pony on this site. I have one thread and I occasionally read other threads.
Chuck - I almost feel like I know you, at this point. You’re a valuable contributor to this site, my friend. This is going to be a long response and hopefully a wake up call to myself. Writing this down feels almost spiritual for me, like acknowledgment... hard to explain.
I’m 43 years old. My ex LD GF from the home town is 34. I wasn’t “seeking” her when we met. I met her at a friend’s Christmas party and we added each other on FB. We kinda just started messaging each other. It was freaking magical. Out of all the women I’ve had any sort of relationship with, after the big D, she is the only one I feel this strong of a connection with.
I’m still in love with her and she has recently told me she loves me, which obviously messes with my head. I KNOW that I need to purge her from my life, but I have been trying for months and failing.
I’m working on writing songs for an album and I’ve actually laid down some tracks already... Almost ALL the songs are related to my relationship with her, although they’re abstract enough where the average listener can’t tell. This blissful relationship and the subsequent breakup (which neither of us are apparently over) has inspired me an unbelievable amount! So, there is definitely a silver lining.
Was it a low risk situation? Yes and no. In the beginning, as so often happens, it was unreal. We were on the same page on so many levels, the sex was amazing, we did adventurous things, I could go on and on... Here’s the sad part. NOTHING went wrong during the relationship, except for the distance problem.
Anyhow, I’d say I opened up and made myself pretty vulnerable to this woman and vice versa. Have I thought about abandoning everything I’ve worked SO hard to get and go move back to my home town? YES! Many, many times. She’s building a house out in the country. It would be incredible, no doubt. But, the truth is, I am 100% certain that I can’t move back there any time soon. My son, who lives with me, has 2 more years of high school, I’ve got a great job that I can’t leave, I own a home that I had to fight incredibly hard to purchase, etc.
Was it a long term relationship I was seeking? If it’s the right person, yes! She seems to be that right person, then again I’ve been wrong in the past.
So, back to how this all ties together. I’m writing these songs and posting them on FB. They’re secretly about her and she knows... so she clicks “love” and randomly texts me... It’s really toxic, but also intoxicating, like a drug... She’ll say “I love love live what we had,” etc. I like refuse to let it go and it’s like I know she knows she has me wrapped around her finger... I know, it’s pathetic and probably toxic!
Meanwhile, I’ve really delved into the local music scene and my FB posts have done great things for me! Because of these posts of original songs, other musicians have messaged me about jamming. So, suddenly, I’m playing with a new band and just kind of meeting several new people/friends...
Speaking of new friends, at this very moment, there is a woman messaging me. She’s probably 50, which would be different for me. Guess what? I’m almost afraid to hurt her or myself. I know I’m not over my ex GF. It’s so messed up. I don’t think I’m ready for a new relationship yet, but I do desire the physical aspect of it. Maybe it would be the best thing for me, but I’m not super physically attracted to her. She’s kinda cute, very fit, seems to be very nice, has a great personality, etc. I don’t know!
Anyhow, thanks for inspiring me to write this. I need to get back to working on me. I need to purge my ex GF from my life. That means de friending her and blocking her on FB, blocking her #, de friending people like her sister, etc. For me to do that is going to be a monumental task. Life is short and I’m not getting any younger. I deserve happiness. I deserve to be in a loving, trusting relationship. Me holding onto what SEEMS like a very loving, heartfelt and sort of sad situation is actually preventing me from growing right now. I AM growing musically, friend wise, spiritually, etc. Like I said before, all aspects of my life are going AWESOME right now, except for the relationship department. Maybe I should go see my old counselor for one visit and get this stuff off my chest because I’m somewhat depressed when I really shouldn’t be. My life is going incredibly well. I shouldn’t be letting an ex GF from a small town be holding me back and that’s exactly what’s going on.
