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Just to clarify, I’m not saying reading this site made me pathetic. I was just pathetic in general, haha.
Not pathetic at all. The FM in 2015, 2016.... was just looking for answers. Nice thing about your thread is

you can go back and re-read it and see for yourself, how far you have came.

If you are content where you and gf are, then proceed along. As long as both know, no addresses will

be changed for a good number of years.
 
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Well, time for a check in, for anyone familiar or interested.

I come on here sporadically. It's therapeutic at times, other times it triggers emotions. I often just read threads without commenting. It's sometimes sad, but dang, the stories are often very similar.

I kind of broke up with the LDR GF from my home town. I was honest with her from day 1.

She wants (and deserves) more than I can give. The relationship lasted a year but I just couldn't fully commit because I saw a new side to her that I didn't care for. I also discovered things about her that lead me to believe we're incompatible.

Also, I found that I'm just not super physically attracted to her. She doesn't take care of herself. For example, she told me how long it's been since she's been to the dentist and my jaw hit the floor.

I did enjoy her company to a degree but bottom line, I didn't love her. After a year of dating, you kind of just know.

I guess the old cliché "rebound relationships don't work," came true.

That was about a month ago.

Then, the latest big life event was that my oldest son graduated from HS. We threw a grad party for him this last weekend at my new townhouse.

This led to me speaking and spending much time with my ex wife, to prepare this large party. It was bizarre. This was the first big encounter with her and my family and vice versa.

My background story may be quite different than many but my ex and I have had ZERO fights about anything since the separation and divorce. She lives with her mom (which sucks for her) and I live in this really nice place that I purchased on my own. If the average person was asked who is succeeding more in life, it would clearly be me.

Anyhow, a lot of our mutual friends came to the grad party and it went absolutely fantastic. Her girlfriends asked for a tour of my place and they were all amazed at how nice it is. I actually felt bad for my ex. She must feel somewhat humiliated.

At one point during the party, I guess my folks were talking to her mom in the kitchen. I wasn't present. My folks basically told her mom that there's no hard feelings, they still care about my ex, etc. Her mom said she still cares about me, etc. My ex walked in and told them that she will always love me but she couldn't stay married to me. Weird.

I found that out from my mom the day after the party.

So, rewinding to the grad party, Saturday night... After things wind down, she asked if I wanted to join her and her best girlfriend (also a lifelong friend of mine), to have a couple drinks at a nearby bar.

I must admit, she looked freaking gorgeous. I went with them and she was a little buzzed. I swear she was giving me the sexy eyes... Weird again. We had a couple drinks, bs'd and went our separate ways.

I've dreamt about my ex the last two nights. Uggh. It's like the situation TRIES to make me sad and just think "what a shame that we were married for 17 years, together for 23 and things ended up like this!" I've been working so hard to get over her and this has somewhat set me back a bit.

Then, I remember her emails to her little work friend and it pi$$es me off for a while. Then, later she texts me something about the kids and is all super nice, etc. Ugggh.

What's the point? I don't know. I guess it tells me that I really need to STAY FOCUSED on myself and the kids.

Since I moved and live on one income with tons of bills, I'm trying to get a better paying job for within the company I already work for.

I quit my gym membership about 9 months ago, but I do some things to stay in shape. I need to get back in there!

Just going on a tangent... Wondering if anyone else has relapsed and can't seem to shake their ex, who had broken trust either emotionally, physically or both. Is this normal? Am I normal? Am I just a freak? Lol. Hard to say.

Any thoughts, comments or criticism accepted!
I just discovered your thread since I saw chuck post lol.

My X cheated, I never confirmed and she never admitted but they are engaged now so I am certain I was correct. In some ways we have similar stories, I am also Bald and lost my hair young, never had a lot of confidence in my looks and stil today feel guilt about my X.

She is an insecure person, overly emotional and we were married for 12 years, since we split she has lost basically every friend she has ever had and we only live in a small town so her life is getting worse and worse.

I just have to reread some messages she sent me to get over it usually but occasionally wish I could intervene to stop her from alienating herself further, I do not want to be involved with her but I would like her to be happy so she leaves me alone and is good for the kids.

In regards to being Bald, I actually get more attention and told how much it suits me so I guess I am lucky, i feel like my current GF is Smoking hot and I had planned a Hair transplant and she was hugely against it and thought I would look weird LOL, I just shave it every 2 days and keep a light beard and hit the gym often.
 

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I hear ya and there’s an element of truth to that. If only you could read one of the two letters she sent me... haha! But, to your point, maybe I don’t really “love” her, if I’m not willing to give up everything for her. But, man, it sure feels right.
Yeah... that's limerance. Don't trust it.

Her actions are not commensurate with the emotions she's conveying. She's not walking her talk, so her words are meaningless no matter how good they taste.
 

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Let me ask you,do you like to lie to your kids?? Why on earth dont you tell them the truth? You are already divorced,why are you still afraid??? I dont get you Americans,you are such a weak people,chikens.
 

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I just discovered your thread since I saw chuck post lol.

My X cheated, I never confirmed and she never admitted but they are engaged now so I am certain I was correct. In some ways we have similar stories, I am also Bald and lost my hair young, never had a lot of confidence in my looks and stil today feel guilt about my X.

She is an insecure person, overly emotional and we were married for 12 years, since we split she has lost basically every friend she has ever had and we only live in a small town so her life is getting worse and worse.

I just have to reread some messages she sent me to get over it usually but occasionally wish I could intervene to stop her from alienating herself further, I do not want to be involved with her but I would like her to be happy so she leaves me alone and is good for the kids.

In regards to being Bald, I actually get more attention and told how much it suits me so I guess I am lucky, i feel like my current GF is Smoking hot and I had planned a Hair transplant and she was hugely against it and thought I would look weird LOL, I just shave it every 2 days and keep a light beard and hit the gym often.
FM..... this guy has a few threads you may want to check out. MF was like you at one time......

Both of you are striving and achieving. And are 100x happier now. That is why TAM is here and why

me and other people stuck around after our DDay, to show newbys the "light" we eventually saw.

MF used to receive 2x4s....now he gives them.

MF and FM.... nice seeing Padawans walk the path toward becoming a Jedi.
 

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Let me ask you,do you like to lie to your kids?? Why on earth dont you tell them the truth? You are already divorced,why are you still afraid??? I dont get you Americans,you are such a weak people,chikens.
My.....how constructive!
 
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But realy,why is he afraid now? Why does he alow his kids to resent him becouse he divorced their mother? No one will die if he tells them the truth, I dont get it.
 

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In regards to being Bald, I actually get more attention and told how much it suits me so I guess I am lucky, i feel like my current GF is Smoking hot and I had planned a Hair transplant and she was hugely against it and thought I would look weird LOL, I just shave it every 2 days and keep a light beard and hit the gym often.
Self confidence is the key on that one. Nice to see you embraced it and hit the gym instead. Smart move.
Smoking hot girlfriend ..... see ...what more proof do you need ? :nerd:

I'm usually swinging 2x4's in these forums ...... if you do the comb over thing then you will get your turn >:)
 

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But realy,why is he afraid now? Why does he alow his kids to resent him becouse he divorced their mother? No one will die if he tells them the truth, I dont get it.
As Blanch's H would bellow in the 1950's sitcom, "Boulderdash!"
 

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Self confidence is the key on that one. Nice to see you embraced it and hit the gym instead. Smart move.
Smoking hot girlfriend ..... see ...what more proof do you need ? :nerd:

I'm usually swinging 2x4's in these forums ...... if you do the comb over thing then you will get your turn >:)
Exactly self confidence, being more self confident automatically improves outward appearance. Another thing that helps me with self confidence is participating in activities I enjoy and I am always looking to find new social activities which do not involve alcohol since that was a bog problem for me when I was recently divorced, all my activities took place in a bar.

Going to the gym just makes me feel better in general and a good side effect is you usually look better.
 

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But realy,why is he afraid now? Why does he alow his kids to resent him becouse he divorced their mother? No one will die if he tells them the truth, I dont get it.
Not all Americans are like that. I value truth. But sometimes you forgo truth to avoid an unpleasant situation.

Wife; " Do these pants make me look fat"?
Me; " Um... Not really".
 

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... It still saddens me that my ex wife made the decisions she made. I talk to her often about kid stuff and we get along great. I truly believe she regrets her past actions. But, even though she has referenced us getting back together a few times since she found out about my GF (lol), I can’t see it happening. She would need to really work hard and I don’t know if I could ever trust her again...)
Hey Frustrated - It's been awhile. Glad to see you are doing well. Have you ever sat your ex-wife down and said these things to her face? That might be her road to Damascus moment to either fix things or leave you alone once and for all.
 

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Let me ask you,do you like to lie to your kids?? Why on earth dont you tell them the truth? You are already divorced,why are you still afraid??? I dont get you Americans,you are such a weak people,chikens.
Not all of us.

I think this is right but not to get revenge.

Not bashing so much but...

OP I'm glad your doing well but I think you as well as the people around your ex-wife have contributed and still contribute to her dysfunction. You have done everything in your power to avoid her having to deal with the truth of what she has done. Just like her mother does. You don't tell her the truth of what you think and her actions to her face. You don't tell the kids the truth of what she did. In all these ways she has never faced true consequences so she has never had reach rock bottom and grow. Yes her life is stuck, but she hasn't faced the truth that she is immoral and her immoral decisions caused this. Maybe I she did she could become a more healthy person. Until she does she will continue to deteriorate.

Are you sure you are doing this to protect your ex and kids or are you doing it because that's easier then having to deal with the conflict being honest would cause. Is it altruism or really just avoiding confrontation. For your last relationship it really doesn't matter much but going forward it's important because relationships without confrontation don't work. All that does is enable your spouse to abuse you and eventually demean themselves. I wonder if this was one of the big problems in your last relationship. Relationships where one party is too afraid to be real are not real relationships because they are not honest. It's interesting to me that your new relationship is kind of also stuck in limbo.

Worst is you are not truthful with your kids. You might want to think about how they would feel if they found out say years from now? I know I would not be happy about it. Everyone deserves the dignity of the truth, that was their family too and a big part of their history.

IMO the truth is more important then fear.

By the way my Dad cheated on my mother. I don't hate him, actually we are very close, but I am realistic about who he is. That is actually better because we have a real relationship. I can't imagine how our relationship would have changed if I had been led to believe for years that he was one type of person only to find out years later that he was different. It wouldn't have been good, it would have been like starting all over again, and I would have been pissed at my Mom for lying to me for years. As it is now I appreciate and respect my Mother's strength though that whole thing. It also made me much more thoughtful when I entered my marriage an still now, I think that has helped me have a better one. Thank God she told me the truth when I asked. Unless they are very young you are not doing anyone any favors by hiding the truth.
 

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Worst is you are not truthful with your kids. You might want to think about how they would feel if they found out say years from now? I know I would not be happy about it. Everyone deserves the dignity of the truth, that was their family too and a big part of their history.
My dad cheated on my mom. I never knew because she wanted to protect me. So I grew up watching him move out and act like a stud horse. Him telling me my mom wouldn't be a homemaker like he wanted, so he had to go out and marry someone who would take care of him 24/7. I grew up thinking he had all the power and my mom (i.e. women in general) had no power. My teen years proved out that if you don't have sex with boys they dump you so I started having sex just to stop being dumped. To this day I hate sex. And I gave the men in my life all the power.

I didn't find out the truth until I was about 50 - that my dad cheated on my mom, she kicked him out, he came crawling back and, because he'd been such a horse's ass throughout the marriage (spoiled, angry, entitled), she told him to pound sand. She remained single the rest of her life and never looked back because she wasn't about to bend herself in a pretzel to please some man again. In the end, SHE was the one with the power.

But I never knew that. I never knew the truth. And it 100% shaped who I became. (and that's not a good thing)
 

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My dad cheated on my mom. I never knew because she wanted to protect me. So I grew up watching him move out and act like a stud horse. Him telling me my mom wouldn't be a homemaker like he wanted, so he had to go out and marry someone who would take care of him 24/7. I grew up thinking he had all the power and my mom (i.e. women in general) had no power. My teen years proved out that if you don't have sex with boys they dump you so I started having sex just to stop being dumped. To this day I hate sex. And I gave the men in my life all the power.

I didn't find out the truth until I was about 50 - that my dad cheated on my mom, she kicked him out, he came crawling back and, because he'd been such a horse's ass throughout the marriage (spoiled, angry, entitled), she told him to pound sand. She remained single the rest of her life and never looked back because she wasn't about to bend herself in a pretzel to please some man again. In the end, SHE was the one with the power.

But I never knew that. I never knew the truth. And it 100% shaped who I became. (and that's not a good thing)
As the twig is bent, the tree shall grow. I am sorry that you went through that. There are some pretty crappy people in the world.
 

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