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@frustratedman,
Did you ever confirm a PA with your ex?
Chuck is correct! I never confirmed PA and my ex whole heartedly denies anything physical. Either way, I'll never know the truth and no matter how you slice and dice it, she 100000% lied to me, on multiple occasions, even after we agreed all contact with her EA partner was to end (in marital counseling).

It's funny because when the ex found out about the new GF, she kept saying "I can imagine what you tell people about me - you probably make me out to be a monster," etc.
 

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To further elaborate on the younger now ex GF... It sounds like she hasn't had the best track record with relationships. Her and her daughter's father couldn't even keep it together until their child was a year old. I never got the entire story, but it sounds like he was more the problem.

Our small, common home town is in an area that I guess you could say is a bit "red neck" and many of the men treat their ladies like crap, frankly. My ex GF literally told me, multiple times, that she'll never find someone who treats her with the kindness and respect that I treated her with.

The sex was fantastic, as well! I have never felt so desired and manly, LOL. I guess I'm "AMAZING," haha.

About a month in, she flat out told me she loved me, which I thought was too soon. I (probably foolishly and against my good judgement) shared that sentiment with her after 5 months... only to be "dumped" a month later, lol. It was like her biological clock suddenly kicked in and she saw no future with me.

I was willing to continue the LDR and would put tons of effort into the relationship. It just wasn't enough for her.

Although I'm hurting a bit right now, my life is actually pretty damn good. I'm in a good spot for the long term. The other day I posted a FB pic of my younger son with me for his birthday and people were commenting things like "happy birthday to your younger brother." By that, I mean, I still look pretty young, I'm in good shape, etc.

I've done a lot of self reflection and realize that I've pretty much had or saught a female companion since the damn 4th grade. I guess I'm just a lover and that's all there is to it. I find that having a female companion adds so much joy to my life. It's not just the sex. It's the feeling that someone out there cares and that we have future plans to do this or that...

Life is interesting and you never quite know how things will end up. I've learned a lot about life, love and myself through this traumatic experience of marital infidelity (emotional at best, physical at worst). The biggest takeaway is that, unfortunately, the ONLY person that I can really rely on at this point is myself!
 

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Chuck is correct! I never confirmed PA and my ex whole heartedly denies anything physical. Either way, I'll never know the truth and no matter how you slice and dice it, she 100000% lied to me, on multiple occasions, even after we agreed all contact with her EA partner was to end (in marital counseling).

It's funny because when the ex found out about the new GF, she kept saying "I can imagine what you tell people about me - you probably make me out to be a monster," etc.
Frustrated - Hope you are doing well. Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you say that you had some evidence that created some suspicion that her affair went beyond just emotional but to the physical? I remember the discussion about the condoms, but didn't you say that you had more evidence?
 

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Frustrated - Just an idle thought. If you ever think you may succumb to the siren song of your ex, you should make a precondition of even thinking about Reconciliation that you both start Retrouvaille over again!
 

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Sorry for the delay!

I'm still around.

So the newest GF (the LDR) lasted from February until late June... sort of. She's 33. I'm 42. She lives a couple hundred miles away. Minus the distance and a couple other huge deal breakers, oh my goodness - we REALLY hit it off. She said several times it's like we're meant for each other.

About the deal breakers, you ask? First, she wants more kids. She has a 2 & 1/2 year old and wants more. I think I'm done having kids... I'm near the end of that journey. I'll be 45 when my youngest graduates HS.

Deal breaker #2? She's building a home near our common home town, in a very rural area, with not many jobs and a fairly depressed economy. I live in the big city, where there are jobs, culture, action, etc. Ideally, she wants a man to live with her and she isn't willing to move to live with me. Her child's father lives in our home town and he's a good Dad, etc.

It's funny you posted, Chuck! I'm actually trying to get over the LDR, at the moment. Feeling bummed. She is like hot & cold. Even though we technically "broke up," we continued seeing each other for a couple months, including just 2 weekends ago. But now it's feeling really over. Ugggh - more heart break for me, but that's what I get for going for a home town gal, who lives 200 miles away!

As for the ex... When she found out about me dating this younger girl from our home town, she went into jealous mode. It was quite surprising! "I thought we could reconcile," and "You'll always be the love of my life," etc.

It was a GREAT divorce, financially, from my perspective.

It's still a damn shame that my relationship with the ex ended like it did... Truth be told, physically, she's looking hot. Of course, that means nothing... just an observation. Then, there's the financial aspect. We would be entering easy street! We both make damn good money right now after both advancing in our careers.

The kids are both fine and they still don't know the exacts regarding why we divorced. I know there are different schools of thought on this subject, but I have no regrets in my handling of that situation. I'm glad my sons don't hate their mother.
Let's see.... wants more kids, you don't. She has every right to want more kids. But if you do not,

that would eventually kill it. Wants you to move to her....ok. You still have a minor child,

and another still a teen. Add a job you can't transfer. Unless you like Green Acres.... would be a bad move

just financially. Much less uprooting your kids and / or not seeing them as much. How about not a no

but a hell's no? Being hot and cold is almost a red flag, if you had seriously dated for awhile.

As for the XW..... SHE lied, had an EA and I still suspect, PA. But the EA was enough for you.

I'm sure XW never thought about being set $$$-wise.... that affair fog is strong.

LDR gal.....she put her cards on the table, you have to commend her for that. Even IF ....YOU

wanted to move back home, and had a secure job with near-mirrored pay..... what about the kids?

There may be a stipulation in the D that forbids another from moving out of city / county / state until

both kids are over 18. ................ Right girl?, wrong time! Been there.... several times.
 
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To further elaborate on the younger now ex GF... It sounds like she hasn't had the best track record with relationships. Her and her daughter's father couldn't even keep it together until their child was a year old. I never got the entire story, but it sounds like he was more the problem.

Our small, common home town is in an area that I guess you could say is a bit "red neck" and many of the men treat their ladies like crap, frankly. My ex GF literally told me, multiple times, that she'll never find someone who treats her with the kindness and respect that I treated her with.

The sex was fantastic, as well! I have never felt so desired and manly, LOL. I guess I'm "AMAZING," haha.

About a month in, she flat out told me she loved me, which I thought was too soon. I (probably foolishly and against my good judgement) shared that sentiment with her after 5 months... only to be "dumped" a month later, lol. It was like her biological clock suddenly kicked in and she saw no future with me.

I was willing to continue the LDR and would put tons of effort into the relationship. It just wasn't enough for her.

Although I'm hurting a bit right now, my life is actually pretty damn good. I'm in a good spot for the long term. The other day I posted a FB pic of my younger son with me for his birthday and people were commenting things like "happy birthday to your younger brother." By that, I mean, I still look pretty young, I'm in good shape, etc.

I've done a lot of self reflection and realize that I've pretty much had or saught a female companion since the damn 4th grade. I guess I'm just a lover and that's all there is to it. I find that having a female companion adds so much joy to my life. It's not just the sex. It's the feeling that someone out there cares and that we have future plans to do this or that...

Life is interesting and you never quite know how things will end up. I've learned a lot about life, love and myself through this traumatic experience of marital infidelity (emotional at best, physical at worst). The biggest takeaway is that, unfortunately, the ONLY person that I can really rely on at this point is myself!
May be true...... maybe not. You NEVER hear the "whole" story from an XW/XH.

She was fast tracking things IMHO. Would've been great until about a year / 18 months in. But with her

wanting children, good chance M would be tabled well before the holidays.

You miss the connection.....I get that. But is it the connection or the fact of being M?

It takes years to really get that deep connection.... y'know....like you and XW had at one time.

Was she aware of your kids custody arrangement when she wanted you to move in with / to her?

About having a g/f.... and more specific, a g/f with that "connection,"

you don't live in misery if you don't have it. It's better to be alone than in a dead-end LTR or

even a continuously rocky one. I was alone for 2.5 years, met gal, ended it. Handful months later

met another.... still together. For the most part, love finds you and usually when you aren't looking.

Now I have to ask.....if your kids were each over 21 and you still "considered" having another child......

Well???
 

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Discussion Starter #1,188
Frustrated - Hope you are doing well. Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you say that you had some evidence that created some suspicion that her affair went beyond just emotional but to the physical? I remember the discussion about the condoms, but didn't you say that you had more evidence?
The main "evidence" was an email, from D-Day #3. Her coworker said "I had a tough time not trying to kiss you," or something like that. Never found the smoking gun though.
 

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May be true...... maybe not. You NEVER hear the "whole" story from an XW/XH.

She was fast tracking things IMHO. Would've been great until about a year / 18 months in. But with her

wanting children, good chance M would be tabled well before the holidays.

You miss the connection.....I get that. But is it the connection or the fact of being M?

It takes years to really get that deep connection.... y'know....like you and XW had at one time.

Was she aware of your kids custody arrangement when she wanted you to move in with / to her?

About having a g/f.... and more specific, a g/f with that "connection,"

you don't live in misery if you don't have it. It's better to be alone than in a dead-end LTR or

even a continuously rocky one. I was alone for 2.5 years, met gal, ended it. Handful months later

met another.... still together. For the most part, love finds you and usually when you aren't looking.

Now I have to ask.....if your kids were each over 21 and you still "considered" having another child......

Well???
Everything you said is spot on. My ex LDR GF has definitely clearly stated her intentions. But you're right - there are some red flags there.

Would I have more kids? After my D, I basically said I'm 90% sure I'm done having kids. If it were the absolute right circumstances, I found the perfect girl who lived nearby and that was a deal breaker, MAYBE one more kid!
 

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Everything you said is spot on. My ex LDR GF has definitely clearly stated her intentions. But you're right - there are some red flags there.

Would I have more kids? After my D, I basically said I'm 90% sure I'm done having kids. If it were the absolute right circumstances, I found the perfect girl who lived nearby and that was a deal breaker, MAYBE one more kid!
FM...... how goes it? Break things off with her?
 

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FM...... how goes it? Break things off with her?
Well? Funny you should ask. Long story short, she broke up with me in late June but kept me hanging around for months. It was still LD, but we would see each other occasionally.

In October, she kind of pissed me off a little bit and I ended it (even though it was already over). But, she’s still all I think about.

So, to the point... She emailed me on Monday of this week and asked if I’m coming “home” (aka home town), for Christmas. Basically, I think she wants to get together for, ummm yeah, that. Plus she’s still in love with me and vice versa. I don’t know if I’ll ever find someone who just meshes so well with me. Maybe I have tunnel vision. I don’t know.

We’re madly in love with each other but it can’t work. Go figure... She can’t move here. I can’t move there. It is impossible without one of us dramatically affecting our children (or child, in her case).

PS. Chuck - You’re amazing. Thanks for keeping this post alive and checking in. My days of viewing this site are pretty much over. I used to obsessively read all the recent posts, trying to understand people’s different perspectives, etc. Now, I no longer think aboit infidelity on a daily basis. It still saddens me that my ex wife made the decisions she made. I talk to her often about kid stuff and we get along great. I truly believe she regrets her past actions. But, even though she has referenced us getting back together a few times since she found out about my GF (lol), I can’t see it happening. She would need to really work hard and I don’t know if I could ever trust her again. It really is a bummer. Life kind of flies by and now here we are, each having to rebuild out lives. I’m very grateful to be crushing in life right now and I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished. My ex wife is blown away because she now sees the man I used to be, prior to me becoming insecure, due to her relationship with her secret work pal. Dang, that was a long PS. :)
 

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I do, but at the moment, I’m in love with a woman I can’t have. But, your point is definitely understood, Tunera!
Sounds more like limerance than love. A woman who truly loves you and wants to make a life with you would be willing to compromise and meet you halfway on things. This gal doesn't sound like she wants to. That's not love... more like Harlequin Romance goo-goo emotions and drama.
 

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Well? Funny you should ask. Long story short, she broke up with me in late June but kept me hanging around for months. It was still LD, but we would see each other occasionally.

In October, she kind of pissed me off a little bit and I ended it (even though it was already over). But, she’s still all I think about.

So, to the point... She emailed me on Monday of this week and asked if I’m coming “home” (aka home town), for Christmas. Basically, I think she wants to get together for, ummm yeah, that. Plus she’s still in love with me and vice versa. I don’t know if I’ll ever find someone who just meshes so well with me. Maybe I have tunnel vision. I don’t know.

We’re madly in love with each other but it can’t work. Go figure... She can’t move here. I can’t move there. It is impossible without one of us dramatically affecting our children (or child, in her case).


SMDH....You n her sound like a country song from 1966 LOL

PS. Chuck - You’re amazing. Thanks for keeping this post alive and checking in. My days of viewing this site are pretty much over. I used to obsessively read all the recent posts, trying to understand people’s different perspectives, etc. Now, I no longer think aboit infidelity on a daily basis. It still saddens me that my ex wife made the decisions she made. I talk to her often about kid stuff and we get along great. I truly believe she regrets her past actions. But, even though she has referenced us getting back together a few times since she found out about my GF (lol), I can’t see it happening. She would need to really work hard and I don’t know if I could ever trust her again. It really is a bummer. Life kind of flies by and now here we are, each having to rebuild out lives. I’m very grateful to be crushing in life right now and I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished. My ex wife is blown away because she now sees the man I used to be, prior to me becoming insecure, due to her relationship with her secret work pal. Dang, that was a long PS. :)
Thank you FM..... I will send you a bill 8>). No what kept this thread alive is YOU posting how you

felt and what you were going through. All I did, like the others, is respond with comments or thoughts.

Maybe.....you and hometown gal are just meant to be "weekend lovers" until the kids are grown,

and maybe then..... Good bet time and distance apart are the root of you n hers issues. Was the very thing

which broke Mike and Angie up in my novel.

When about everyone first gets here, they read threads veraciously. -Ok he is past the horror

show now but in his 1st post he was miserable...whad'd he do- Humans relate to similarity.

Small consolation others are going through same thing but, at that time anything is helpful.

It is healthy to slowly draw yourself away from the boards. It is healthy also to come back every now

and then to sharpen your beak, in your own maintenance of boundaries. Posting on other's thread

helped me a ton when I came here in late 2012. I was still a basket case with my STBXW, wanting to

save the M. Then I looked in the mirror one day "Hey...Fhead, why don't you follow the advice you're

giving others" Stepped into the Tao and XW didn't have a snowballs chance in hell.

Start a LaD thread... let everyone know how you're doing. You can help the many who struggle trying

to re-build their life, after a D. I've had a LaD thread since 2013. Check it out.

.....Really glad you and XW are at least on speaking terms, bodes well for the kids. Your XW has admitted

her faults on many levels. And I would go as far to say, she regrets her actions with co-worker.

Bu she regrets, what it caused...... Had she not gotten caught and you were still together, I don't see

her regretting anything. That's a huge difference. FM you are a perfect example of why I and others,

tell guys to work on themselves, better thy self, learn about self. Because it is a win-win.

If the WS notices these changes, they will be attracted to you (just like when they first met).

Then it is the BSs decision to make. If the WS does not notice the improvement, you are in a better

standing about yourself, for your next LTR.

FM....love yourself, and your kids. Any female who comes into that fold will find a man with healthy

boundaries. Your XW made her bed, now she must lay in it. Cautionary warning for those who consider

having an EA or PA. Is it worth it? 99.9% no.

Now......FM What is FM doing to improve FM? Hobbies? Activities? Time with kids?

Are you out and about mingling -just mingling not scoping females-?

Do you volunteer any? Offer your skill set to others (I offer my financial background to Habitat, to

teach people how to budget $, separate wants from needs). According to DeMello's masterpiece

"Awareness," that is giving a #2. Giving without expecting anything in return. FM... y'know what

would be awesome? You meet a female there who is also giving a #2.

Mutual attraction? Who knows. But it sure as hell beats the BS of dating sites. That is simply a $ grab.
 
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Sounds more like limerance than love. A woman who truly loves you and wants to make a life with you would be willing to compromise and meet you halfway on things. This gal doesn't sound like she wants to. That's not love... more like Harlequin Romance goo-goo emotions and drama.
I hear ya and there’s an element of truth to that. If only you could read one of the two letters she sent me... haha! But, to your point, maybe I don’t really “love” her, if I’m not willing to give up everything for her. But, man, it sure feels right.
 

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Thank you FM..... I will send you a bill 8>). No what kept this thread alive is YOU posting how you

felt and what you were going through. All I did, like the others, is respond with comments or thoughts.

Maybe.....you and hometown gal are just meant to be "weekend lovers" until the kids are grown,

and maybe then..... Good bet time and distance apart are the root of you n hers issues. Was the very thing

which broke Mike and Angie up in my novel.

When about everyone first gets here, they read threads veraciously. -Ok he is past the horror

show now but in his 1st post he was miserable...whad'd he do- Humans relate to similarity.

Small consolation others are going through same thing but, at that time anything is helpful.

It is healthy to slowly draw yourself away from the boards. It is healthy also to come back every now

and then to sharpen your beak, in your own maintenance of boundaries. Posting on other's thread

helped me a ton when I came here in late 2012. I was still a basket case with my STBXW, wanting to

save the M. Then I looked in the mirror one day "Hey...Fhead, why don't you follow the advice you're

giving others" Stepped into the Tao and XW didn't have a snowballs chance in hell.

Start a LaD thread... let everyone know how you're doing. You can help the many who struggle trying

to re-build their life, after a D. I've had a LaD thread since 2013. Check it out.

.....Really glad you and XW are at least on speaking terms, bodes well for the kids. Your XW has admitted

her faults on many levels. And I would go as far to say, she regrets her actions with co-worker.

Bu she regrets, what it caused...... Had she not gotten caught and you were still together, I don't see

her regretting anything. That's a huge difference. FM you are a perfect example of why I and others,

tell guys to work on themselves, better thy self, learn about self. Because it is a win-win.

If the WS notices these changes, they will be attracted to you (just like when they first met).

Then it is the BSs decision to make. If the WS does not notice the improvement, you are in a better

standing about yourself, for your next LTR.

FM....love yourself, and your kids. Any female who comes into that fold will find a man with healthy

boundaries. Your XW made her bed, now she must lay in it. Cautionary warning for those who consider

having an EA or PA. Is it worth it? 99.9% no.

Now......FM What is FM doing to improve FM? Hobbies? Activities? Time with kids?

Are you out and about mingling -just mingling not scoping females-?

Do you volunteer any? Offer your skill set to others (I offer my financial background to Habitat, to

teach people how to budget $, separate wants from needs). According to DeMello's masterpiece

"Awareness," that is giving a #2. Giving without expecting anything in return. FM... y'know what

would be awesome? You meet a female there who is also giving a #2.

Mutual attraction? Who knows. But it sure as hell beats the BS of dating sites. That is simply a $ grab.
I’m at work right now, but I will definitely respond to this post later tonight!
 

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I hear ya and there’s an element of truth to that. If only you could read one of the two letters she sent me... haha! But, to your point, maybe I don’t really “love” her, if I’m not willing to give up everything for her. But, man, it sure feels right.
Do not listen to what she says, watch what she does. That is a popism and a Conradism.

You "love" the connection when you are together. Outside of that, at your own residences, business as usual

minus a few F letters back and forth. Neither of you can do anything because you put your kids first.

Very commendable. But she is brow beating you to move to her. That is a sign of things to come,

if you moved to her. Sound familiar?
 
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Thank you FM..... I will send you a bill 8>). No what kept this thread alive is YOU posting how you

felt and what you were going through. All I did, like the others, is respond with comments or thoughts.

Maybe.....you and hometown gal are just meant to be "weekend lovers" until the kids are grown,

and maybe then..... Good bet time and distance apart are the root of you n hers issues. Was the very thing

which broke Mike and Angie up in my novel.

When about everyone first gets here, they read threads veraciously. -Ok he is past the horror

show now but in his 1st post he was miserable...whad'd he do- Humans relate to similarity.

Small consolation others are going through same thing but, at that time anything is helpful.

It is healthy to slowly draw yourself away from the boards. It is healthy also to come back every now

and then to sharpen your beak, in your own maintenance of boundaries. Posting on other's thread

helped me a ton when I came here in late 2012. I was still a basket case with my STBXW, wanting to

save the M. Then I looked in the mirror one day "Hey...Fhead, why don't you follow the advice you're

giving others" Stepped into the Tao and XW didn't have a snowballs chance in hell.

Start a LaD thread... let everyone know how you're doing. You can help the many who struggle trying

to re-build their life, after a D. I've had a LaD thread since 2013. Check it out.

.....Really glad you and XW are at least on speaking terms, bodes well for the kids. Your XW has admitted

her faults on many levels. And I would go as far to say, she regrets her actions with co-worker.

Bu she regrets, what it caused...... Had she not gotten caught and you were still together, I don't see

her regretting anything. That's a huge difference. FM you are a perfect example of why I and others,

tell guys to work on themselves, better thy self, learn about self. Because it is a win-win.

If the WS notices these changes, they will be attracted to you (just like when they first met).

Then it is the BSs decision to make. If the WS does not notice the improvement, you are in a better

standing about yourself, for your next LTR.

FM....love yourself, and your kids. Any female who comes into that fold will find a man with healthy

boundaries. Your XW made her bed, now she must lay in it. Cautionary warning for those who consider

having an EA or PA. Is it worth it? 99.9% no.

Now......FM What is FM doing to improve FM? Hobbies? Activities? Time with kids?

Are you out and about mingling -just mingling not scoping females-?

Do you volunteer any? Offer your skill set to others (I offer my financial background to Habitat, to

teach people how to budget $, separate wants from needs). According to DeMello's masterpiece

"Awareness," that is giving a #2. Giving without expecting anything in return. FM... y'know what

would be awesome? You meet a female there who is also giving a #2.

Mutual attraction? Who knows. But it sure as hell beats the BS of dating sites. That is simply a $ grab.
I’m definitely focused on the kids. The oldest is in college and the youngest lives with me full time. Kinda cool that he chooses to live with me! There’s no child support or money exchanged. My ex and I fairly split kid expenses (which have been crazy, lol). I’m living in a beautiful townhouse that I fought REALLY hard to get, working SUPER hard (10 hours OT/week) and killing it musically. I play an open mic once a week, self promote on FB and people are hiring me to play their bars. I’m recording an album, too! So I’m pretty much winning all the way around. It’s not perfect but again, my ex is probably blown away. She lives with her mom and I don’t see that changing... ever! Meanwhile, I’ve successfully purchased a home, paid all my bills, take care of the kids, am extremely blessed to have many great friends and succeeding in my true passion... music!

As far as ex LDR GF, she isn’t really trying hard to persuade me to move back to the home town, just to put it in better context. She knows the battle I’ve fought to get where I’m at and totally respects that. She just wishes we could be together more/live with each other.

I will say that when it finally felt over (which it actually wasn’t), I was ultra inspired to write lyrics, which has been a struggle for about a decade! I wrote a tune I’m quite proud of and have many more in the works.

I’ve also done a lot of self reflection. Moving back to my home town is the opposite of evolving. There’s nothing there. Same people at the same bars, night after night. There aren’t many jobs either. So, to stay true to myself, that simply won’t be happening.

But, my heart still longs for this woman. Of the few relationships I’ve had since the big D, this one was, BY FAR, the best. I get your point about it being nothing but fun since we only saw each other on weekends and carried on with our respective lives when we’re apart. I’m very aware of that and feel I’m pretty aware in general.

I’ve definitely learned that the only person I can 100% trust is myself. I need to protect my heart. The ex LDR GF definitely broke through to me and I made myself more vulnerable to her as our relationship advanced. I believe that’s kind of what love’s all about, along with companionship, sex, etc.

Anyhow, going off on another tangent like normal...

I hope this post clarifies where I’m at and what I’m doing. I’m gonna need to check out your LAD post. I haven’t gone there much. Just CWI, non stop, back when I really needed it. I reflect on that and can just see how pathetic I really was. Then, I think about where I’m at now and i feel a lot of happiness and pride!
 
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