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You compared me saying standards reflect self worth with the car you drive reflecting financial worth. I disagree. Not everyone values a car, so they wouldn’t put a lot of money into it. But standards meaning... how you expect to be treated, does reflect self worth to a certain degree. Some people have little self worth they are willing to put up with abuse, and bad treatment.

What I mean about too high and too low standards is needing to be treated a certain way before you can pass go.

For example, I have a girlfriend that thinks men should treat a women they are interested in a certain way. So she needs the man to setup a date. Pay 100% the bill. Open doors, and walk her to her door etc. she is the type of women who would stand by the car door waiting for it to be opened for her. And walk back in the house if it wasn’t.

Some women have no standards. They set up the first date, are willing to keep trying to set up dates even when the guy cancels, they don’t expect the man to pay the bill, they are the ones always reaching out, they are easy to have sex with even though you didn’t have to work that hard or even be that nice. Women they essentially chase men and are happy with scrapes of effort.

IMO, your girlfriend does not have standards. She has hoops that she expects men to jump through to earn her time/interest. The way I refer to women like this is that they are 'projects'. For me personally, I would be looking for a woman to be a 'partner' not a 'project'.

This particular example does not fit the idea of 'high maintenance' either (as suggested by @JustTheWife). High maintenance is a reference into how easy she is to 'have fun with'. If it takes a lot of time, money and effort for her to be ready to go have some 'fun', then she is high maintenance. (FYI, every other man on here may describe these ideas differently than I just did)
 

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Discussion Starter #23
IMO, your girlfriend does not have standards. She has hoops that she expects men to jump through to earn her time/interest. The way I refer to women like this is that they are 'projects'. For me personally, I would be looking for a woman to be a 'partner' not a 'project'.



This particular example does not fit the idea of 'high maintenance' either (as suggested by @JustTheWife). High maintenance is a reference into how easy she is to 'have fun with'. If it takes a lot of time, money and effort for her to be ready to go have some 'fun', then she is high maintenance. (FYI, every other man on here may describe these ideas differently than I just did)


Standards or hoops weave out men who want us for one night vs someone who wants a long term relationship. It lets us know who is serious about us and who doesn’t really care.
 

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Standards or hoops weave out men who want us for one night vs someone who wants a long term relationship. It lets us know who is serious about us and who doesn’t really care.
The original comment I had here was not helpful to anyone.

I will just say as one man who has only ever had one partner and who believes in long term relationships, your girlfriends 'standards' would repel me. And they would not help her with any man I have ever discussed such a topic with. (Admittedly, that is not an overly large number and all of the men were like me in believing in commitment and long term relationships. So men that are not looking for flings)
 

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Was the girl interested in him? And was this an American show?
It was American if I remember correctly and she would have continued with more dates but was flabbergasted that he thought she was too heavy with him clearly being more overweight than her.
 

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Standard is what I am talking about. Not preference. There is a difference and I don’t think you understand the distinction.

Do a quick google search with the differences of standards vs preferences. Preference has to do with an individual liking something and preferring something over another. I prefer men who are physically fit. I prefer men who have advance degrees. Standard has to do with quality. A base level of care/behavior. Some parents have a high standards for their kids. Some people have high standards that need to be there before anything can happen. A preference is preferring one thing over another and is not a need.
I think a better way to explain standards is to use the word boundary instead. There are preferences and there are boundaries. Preferences are flexible. Boundaries typically are not.
 

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Having had a "attractive" partners, you learn what you want to live without more than what you want to live with. So if i ever get divorced, my list is simple.

No brain meds, i can deal with a lil crazy, i cant deal with crazy in a bottle
No smoking
No personality change when drunk
700+ credit score. You laugh, but if you've lived with a 400, the score if basically a snap shot of their all around life choices

and lastly, i just need to be attracted to them, not a 9 or 10, just attractive.
 

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I think a better way to explain standards is to use the word boundary instead. There are preferences and there are boundaries. Preferences are flexible. Boundaries typically are not.
I agree. There two different distinctions here that are important and the OP (with respect) seems to be confusing them.

One distinction is between flexible "preferences" and inflexible "must haves" that an individual may hold.

The other distinction is between a universal quality standards scale and personal/individual preferences, needs, boundaries, etc.

My point was simply that there is no universally agreed quality scale for things like how much attention a partner should give (e.g. more attention = higher quality????). Short of agreeing that an abuser or someone criminally active is "low quality" (to put it mildly), I don't think we can rate the quality of people by things like what they look like, how much they weigh, how much attention they give to their partner, who pays for a date, how many times they call, etc. If an individual would rather date someone who gives them constant attention then that's a personal preference. If someone will not date someone who doesn't give them constant attention, then that's a personal need or "boundary". It has nothing to do with a universal quality standard - e.g. someone has low standards if they will date someone who is more distant or they have high standards if they only date someone who gives them constant attention. Frankly that makes so sense.
 

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I dunno.

Some men would say; they'd sleep with many, and only a few would filter into the possible ltr group. I myself, albeit before M of course, was one of these.

The only absolute was "not psycho" of which a couple sneak through at first, have to quit quickly.

And only one would get through the final "wife" filter.

I was lucky, I happily married my match. Still happily married.
 

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Having had a "attractive" partners, you learn what you want to live without more than what you want to live with. So if i ever get divorced, my list is simple.

No brain meds, i can deal with a lil crazy, i cant deal with crazy in a bottle
No smoking
No personality change when drunk
700+ credit score. You laugh, but if you've lived with a 400, the score if basically a snap shot of their all around life choices

and lastly, i just need to be attracted to them, not a 9 or 10, just attractive.
Per the OP's definition, I'm left scratching my head trying to determine if you have "high standards" or "low standards"???? :grin2:
 

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I find it funny that people are not use to the word standard. I use it all the time. I read about it all the time, I hear about it al the time. Whether it be have higher/.lower standards, or a standard of living, or as a Christian person I try to hold myself to a higher standard.
 

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I hear what you're saying.

Perhaps it's because as a standalone word, "standards" benefits greatly when it has a descriptive word prefacing it.

Moral standards?
Dress standards?
Good character standards?
Sexual?
Dating?
Vocabulary, English, speech?
Physical?
Work?
Credit worthiness?
Financial?

Now don't get me wrong, kindly I get what you're inferring as standards in general but it is kind of an open ended subject description.

Great topic! 🙂🙂
 

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I find it funny that people are not use to the word standard. I use it all the time. I read about it all the time, I hear about it al the time. Whether it be have higher/.lower standards, or a standard of living, or as a Christian person I try to hold myself to a higher standard.
From my experience Christian standards are behavioral ideals one places on themselves. As an extension of living your life by a set of standard you want a spouse who helps you keep those standards. So Christian are encouraged to find a partner that has the same set of standards.

If you are talking about self-help literature you will constantly here things like don't lower your standards, you might need to change your standards etc. The word standard in this field is usually referring to a persons wants.

Standard of living is a term usually used by governmental agencies or sociologists to describe a groups living conditions. I have never heard this term used in a personal conversation unless is was specifically referring to said groups.

Yes, I have heard the term a lot, just like you. In this particular thread I think you are using the term as the self-help literature would use it. Which leads to the type of comments that @JustTheWife has made. Are you talking about needs or preferences?
 

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Discussion Starter #34
When I started dating I was a born again Christian, and it was what was always taught to me during youth group and bible study and even pastors on YouTube etc. and it’s basically that men should be a certain way and women should be a certain way. And women are to have certain standards which how they should be treated. Because we were all dating with the expectation of waiting till marriage to have sex, so we dated to get married not date for fun.
So it was always drilled in my head that if a man is truly interested in you he will treat you a certain way, and put in a lot of effort. It was also preached that women should give the man space and allow him to take the lead and be the man.
So when I think of standards, I don’t think of looks or income. I think of a man treating me a certain way.
 

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I find it funny that people are not use to the word standard. I use it all the time. I read about it all the time, I hear about it al the time. Whether it be have higher/.lower standards, or a standard of living, or as a Christian person I try to hold myself to a higher standard.
Hold on. We weren't born yesterday. Nobody said that people "are not [to use] the word standard". So giving examples like standard of living does not prove any point. You're trying to discredit us by arguing against a point that none of us made! We can't let that one by without calling it out. :laugh:

It should be obvious that Standard of Living is very different as it's based on a clearly defined scale with clear factors that people generally accept. Not necessarily 100% agreement but general acceptance of how it's computed and the factors going into the computation. Same with my example of USDA quality standards for meat.

There is no such generally accepted quality scale or standards of quality for a boyfriend, girlfriend, or husband or wife. There simply is none. Short of obvious insidious things like abuse, people want or need different things from their partners. So short of extremes like abuse and neglect, I don't know how anyone can have "high standards" or "low standards". With respect, except for the obvious point of abuse being "low quality", your examples make no sense. Plenty of people want their space and don't want a partner giving them constant attention. Others need it. To each their own. Some people are more comfortable pursuing the person they want. Or paying for dates. There is no universally accepted pecking order of low and high quality in these things.

Simple. Not sure how else this can be explained.
 

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When I started dating I was a born again Christian, and it was what was always taught to me during youth group and bible study and even pastors on YouTube etc. and it’s basically that men should be a certain way and women should be a certain way. And women are to have certain standards which how they should be treated. Because we were all dating with the expectation of waiting till marriage to have sex, so we dated to get married not date for fun.
So it was always drilled in my head that if a man is truly interested in you he will treat you a certain way, and put in a lot of effort. It was also preached that women should give the man space and allow him to take the lead and be the man.
So when I think of standards, I don’t think of looks or income. I think of a man treating me a certain way.
I'm a Christian too (a VERY strict conservative Christian upbringing and active church member). However, i recognize that certain things "drilled" into us are not valued by everyone in the world. I completely get what you're saying about how we were raised. Just because a man treats you in a different way than the "certain way" you wish (or require) him to treat you, it doesn't mean he's low quality (assuming he's not abusive, etc). It also doesn't mean that a woman has "low standards" if she dates a man who does not treat her in the "certain way" that you need to be treated.

Therefore, what YOU need and value in a man has no relationship to OTHER WOMEN having high standards or low standards.

I think the reason for the disconnect is now much clearer.
 

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You are indicating that you were raised in a conservative christian background (so was I, and I am still active in it), and that you were taught that 'chivalry' is what is required for dating. You were also taught that a woman must stand fast to this standard and expect her suitors to measure up to it. You were also taught to let the man lead.

What your posts have not made clear is whether this is what you want now or do you want something else?
 

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I'm a Christian too (a VERY strict conservative Christian upbringing and active church member). However, i recognize that certain things "drilled" into us are not valued by everyone in the world. I completely get what you're saying about how we were raised. Just because a man treats you in a different way than the "certain way" you wish (or require) him to treat you, it doesn't mean he's low quality (assuming he's not abusive, etc). It also doesn't mean that a woman has "low standards" if she dates a man who does not treat her in the "certain way" that you need to be treated.



Therefore, what YOU need and value in a man has no relationship to OTHER WOMEN having high standards or low standards.



I think the reason for the disconnect is now much clearer.


Your not understanding what I am saying.

Everything is subjective. I am not saying that a man who doesn’t treat me the way I want to be treated is low quality. I am saying that we are not compatible.
What high and low standards are to me is different than what they are to someone else. The point of this thread was to talk about standards and what they think low or high standards are to them. I thought it would be a interesting conversation to hear what people’s view on standards are.

And I think that we can all say someone has low standards (based on our beliefs and judgements) not that it matters because that person isn’t us. The truth is some people DO have too high and too low standards.

No duh what my standards are is different than others. That goes without saying. I thought it would be fun to talk about what OUR view of standards are. People come in here to get others peoples views and opinions because it’s fun and it makes us think. I am not judging IR pushing my standards on anyone and telling them to live according to my rules.
 
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