Talk About Marriage banner
Cancel

Left with 4 kids and unbearable heartache some days

2120 Views 13 Replies 11 Participants Last post by  forevermemorable, 
T
I dont see how people live thru this. I have posted previously but to bring everyone up to date I made my husband of 18 years leave on September 1, 2012 after finding out about an EA with a coworker and an attempted PA with his bestfriends pregnant wife! I am in weekly counseling, going to church, joined a Divorcecare group. I am doing everything I can to help myself but yet I am still so miserable. It is so unfair to be left holding the bag and taking care of 4 kids under the age of 12 while he is out getting an apartment and new furniture living the single life:( Blaming me for a lack of attention doesnt help matters. I was home taking care of him, the house, the kids, his neices and nephews. I feel like such a failure sometimes:(:( I just want to feel better and be happy with life and my kids, easier said than done. Help.
Save
Like
Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 14 of 14 Posts
daggeredheart
I'm really sorry you are going through this pain. It's scary and terribly sad. I feel your pain. I know it doesn't sound like a recipe for happiness, they say time time time time...... but the in between the discovery and the healing really sucks. ;(
Save
Like
  • Like
Reactions: 1
T
take him to the cleaners... so to speak!!
Save
Like
  • Like
Reactions: 1
T
really... pregnant Bf wife? was she responsive? That is crazy
Save
Like
  • Like
Reactions: 2
Plan 9 from OS
This is a good place to get help and support. One thing to do - easier said than done - is to not take any responsibility over his cheating. You may be responsible for some of the marital issues that the 2 of you had, but the cheating is 100% him. If he had issues with you, he should have come to you right away and voiced his concerns. We aren't mind readers but sometimes our spouses expect us to do just that.
Save
Like
  • Like
Reactions: 2
H
Good for you for making him leave. That right there shows how strong you really are. Many - in fact most - BS's are too scared to do such a thing.

It's only been a little over a month. Not what you want to hear, I know, but time is what will do it. You will slowly realize that you are spending less and less time thinking about what he did and being immobilized by it. You will reawaken and realize that you are healing. You are taking the right steps by going to counseling and the group - keep that up!

Make sure you take time out to grieve. Are you familiar with the grieving process? Because that's what you have to go through. My thoughts are with you for a steady recovery.
Save
Like
  • Like
Reactions: 5
T
The bishop said:
really... pregnant Bf wife? was she responsive? That is crazy
Click to expand...
She was actually the one that told me but she did wait 6 weeks after the incident as she didnt want to be the reason we split up...after she found out about the EA with the coworker from me and once she got the nerve up she told me what happened:/ It was the breaking point for me. So unbelievable. He was a good man until he wasnt any more
Save
Like
L
Hi there! I too was left with 4 kids while my husband was with his OW and we were married for 20 years. It's been almost 4 months since I kicked him out and I feel that I am at a much better place than I was 4 months ago. The first month was the hardest for me, especially seeing how sad my kids were. But as the days went by, I started to feel stronger and my kids were starting to get used to their dad not being around.

I'm proof that life does get easier and better with time. It's still pretty fresh for me (5 months since D-day) but I am MUCH more happier and at peace now than I was before. So hang in there, it does get better.
Save
Like
  • Like
Reactions: 5
W
The bishop said:
take him to the cleaners... so to speak!!
Click to expand...
This.. wow....:(

Posted via Mobile Device
See less See more
Save
Like
unsure78
like the others said its time thats the best healer. it sounds like you are doing the right thing by taking care of yourself. Its not fair that you are left holding the bag while he gets to go out and have his new fun single life, but in the long run by you working on yourself you will end up being much happier.
Posted via Mobile Device
Save
Like
  • Like
Reactions: 1
maincourse99
I can attest to the fact that the passage of time is your best friend, it's been 5 months for me and every week that goes by I feel stronger. I ended up needing some medication for the anxiety/panic attacks, it was a last resort. I hate to recommend meds, but if it gets too bad, don't dismiss it.
Save
Like
  • Like
Reactions: 2
C
I'm so sorry you're going through this, it's heartbreaking. I think you married a narcissist and I suppose it's best you got out of the relationship in the end. Going after his best friend's pregnant wife?! I mean really?!?

Look out for yourself and your children from now on.

Best of luck.
Save
Like
  • Like
Reactions: 1
maincourse99
Yours is a really heartbreaking situation. It's good to see that you're being proactive and getting help. You'll make it, my situation is not nearly as bad as yours, but there were days that i was sure I wouldn't live through. But I did. You will too.
Save
Like
forevermemorable
I want to plead to your spiritual side on this topic, because you brought up church group. And let me say how my heart breaks for your predicament. I can't even imagine.

You carry a lot of hurt, resentment, maybe bitterness, and most definitely anger. Its a perfect response anyone would have in light of what has befallen you by your husband. Your husband is wrong for his actions and he will have to answer to a Higher power as a result. Just as your husband will have to answer for his wrongful and hurtful actions, you will also have to answer for your heart and mind.

I firmly and adamantly believe that giving yourself the opportunity to be resentful, bitter, and angry with your husband will hurt the very person you are. You are a loving and loyal wife and a responsible mother. And God is well pleased in you for this! Don't let the enemy rob you of your identity! And don't give in to the hatred the enemy would want you to have.

The HARDEST, yet best cure for you, is to forgive. You cannot start healing until you start forgiving! I promise you this! And when you forgive (truly forgive), I guarantee you that you will see things in a whole new light and understanding. You will not understand what I am saying until you commit to forgiving. "But he did the wrong. He hurt me." You might say. And you are right...you have been hurt and you are hurting and God knows this, but God cannot do any healing within you, until you first forgive. I implore you and utterly encourage you to take every thought captive and not give the enemy a place in your head to think ill-will and hateful towards your husband...forgive and watch how the Lord will intercede in and through you.

I will be praying for you.
See less See more
Save
Like
1 - 14 of 14 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Talk About Marriage
A forum community dedicated to married life between you and your spouse. Come join the discussion about love, romance, health, behavior, conflict resolution, care, and more!
Full Forum Listing
Explore Our Forums
Coping with Infidelity General Relationship Discussion Sex in Marriage Going Through Divorce or Separation The Men's Clubhouse
Top