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So I left the cheating husband Tuesday. He found me right away. I talked to him a little that night, but have refused to see him again. He knows how much I love him and will use that to pull me back in. He says he will change. He said that three times now. Cheated over and over. I just can't do it any more. I see a lawyer Tuesday. The day I married him was the happiest day of my life. He ruined it all. Family is very supportive but I just can't quit crying. Who do people do this?
 

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Sorry you're in a he!l created by someone who has no character, no loyalty, no meaninful remorse, and no respect.

Those are the reasons he has done this. It's not you. It's nothing you did. Not at all. Gather your strength. Gather your courage. Move on to better things - they're there - waiting for you.
 

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So I left the cheating husband Tuesday. He found me right away. I talked to him a little that night, but have refused to see him again.
Betrayedwife, a couple things to bear in mind that may bring you some peace: there is no reason whatsoever to stop you from changing your email address or your phone or cellphone number. For example, make a new email: [email protected] or hotmail or yahoo! Likewise for your phone, just ask your cell provider if they would change your phone number and don't give it to him.

Yes he needs to be in touch with the kids--so make sure he has a dependable way to contact THEM. But he does not need to be in touch with you. Being in as complete No Contact as possible will help you to not feel so much pain.

...He knows how much I love him and will use that to pull me back in. He says he will change. He said that three times now. Cheated over and over. I just can't do it any more. I see a lawyer Tuesday.
Okay I want you to think like a 3rd party observer now, not like someone who's in the thick of it When one spouse is used to getting their own way and using their spouse, they will say and do anything to try to get it back to "the way it was." How many times have you seen women go back to their abusive spouse and thought, "Why don't they just leave him?" Well....this is why. Because the abuser knows just the words to say that will push buttons of hope and maybe self-doubt. Soooo...don't be a sucker. Expect that from him. Be prepared for it.

It is highly likely he'll cry. It is highly likely he'll promise to change, or go to counseling. It is highly likely that he will FINALLY say some of the things you've been dying to hear (with no intention to actually DO them) because he knows that will push your button. It is highly likely he'll say something like "How can you leave me when I'm trying?" or ask if you'd really be the kind of person who'd divorce while he's trying. It is highly likely that he'll try to make promises and whatnot first, and if that doesn't work then he'll try anger and intimidation. It is highly likely he'll call over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over. Or text over and over and over just to bug you into caving in.

Be prepared for these. Know that they are coming. He will try every method and trick possible that got you back before, and he'll try EVERYTHING to try to get it back to the way it was...where he got his way and was using you. When you see him squirming and trying to blame you, remember that you knew he'd try... And when he says stuff trying to deflect the attention from his repeated unfaithfulness to you "not letting him try" or "you're demanding perfection" or "how can we repair our marriage if we're separated"... whatever he tries...just know he's gonna try that too and keep bringing the attention back to the infidelity.

That's why I really do suggest to people to memorize this little phrase and say it over and over and over: "Are you ready to end all contact with your affair partners and give 100% of your affection and loyalty to only me? Oh you're not? Contact me when you are. Bye!" And for you, chances are about 100% that he'll say "Yes! Yes I'm ready!" and you can say "Good. Please prove that to me with your actions over the next 6 months (or year) and I'll consider you as a possible life partner after you've proven yourself. Bye."

See it is within the realm of conceivability that before this he thought he could get away with it, and now he realizes he can't and he is willing to put in the hard work to change who he is. It's very unlikely but not utterly impossible! So cool--if he has been unfaithful 3 times already let him take 6 months and go to counseling ON HIS OWN without you "reminding" him. Let him figure out how to get himself there and how to work on himself through the week. Let him come to you and talk to you about what he's learning about himself, his thoughts and feelings, and what he's struggling with as he changes himself. Let him show you by the way he treats you 100% differently...as if your ideas and thoughts and needs were just as legitimate as his. Let him put his money where his mouth is!! If he doesn't, then guess what? All those words were just lies to try to trap you.

...The day I married him was the happiest day of my life. He ruined it all. Family is very supportive but I just can't quit crying. How do people do this?
Honestly, it is the most painful thing you'll ever live through. But Betrayedwife, have some comfort in knowing that the day you left him was the day you showed him enough love to actually allow him to deal with the consequences of his own choices. That is REALLY hard and you were really brave to do so. And for those of us not fogged in by affair baloney--it's clear to us just how much you do love him, to give him the chance to learn and grow as a human, a man, and as a husband. He has a chance to BE A BETTER PERSON and make wiser choices. Whether he takes that chance now is up to him.

I'm sorry it hurts so much, but seriously...GOOD JOB.
 

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So I left the cheating husband Tuesday. He found me right away. I talked to him a little that night, but have refused to see him again. He knows how much I love him and will use that to pull me back in. He says he will change. He said that three times now. Cheated over and over. I just can't do it any more. I see a lawyer Tuesday. The day I married him was the happiest day of my life. He ruined it all. Family is very supportive but I just can't quit crying. Who do people do this?
You were not supposed to get hurt. Why? You weren't supposed to know. This wasn't about you and him, this was separate from your marriage. It was a moment of weakness, he was a fool but he still loves you... and so on.

Oh, dash it all to heck! It's not right to be cheated on. Not nice at all. Welcome to our club. Not keen on being a member myself, but well, welcome anyway.:)
 

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Crying is pretty natural as you honored a very serious committment he's walked all over. That's difficult to swallow, for anyone. It's devestating and makes you question could you have done things different, did that one fight mean more than I thought? Could I have been more adventurous sexually? Maybe a career change?

This is the true impact of cheating. It makes honest and loyal individuals question their own worth, versions of situations and values. It's horrible as it takes someone such as yourself and puts them into a situation they did not initiate or participate in but now have to finish.

Look at this as the ultimate new years resolution with the oppertunity to start over. A new oppertunity to meet someone who does value you and honors you.
Should you choose to stay, make this the ultimate request for someone who's had no problem asking sacrafice of you, to sacrafice without self interest for your benefit.
 

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Girl I cried off and on the whole time I was separated. I hated everything about life and wanted to just stay in bed and not have to get up the next day to deal with the same crappy feelings over and over. Its totally natural and one day you'll probably look back and wonder why you even shed a tear.

Everytime you feel like you might give into him...come here and we'll do what we can to deter you! :)
 

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This site has been great for me. Everything you warned me of, he has tried and said. Honestly, all of you have helped me have the strength to follow through with this. It is so sad that we have all gone through, and are going through these things. It is nice to know I have so much support. I will do the best I can to help as many people on here as I can, just like you have helped me.
 

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So I left him two weeks ago today. The past two weeks have been very emotional. He goes back and forth between begging for another chance and being extremely mean. I don't understand it. We also have not been married very long. We don't have any property or children. I have already paid for my lawyer, but he is wanting to contest this divorce so we will both have to put out a bunch of more money. I don't get it. Why? There is nothing to fight about. He doesn't seem to understand that maybe I can't give him one more chance. Maybe I have been hurt by his infidelity so much that I don't want to give any more chances. He says his heart has changed and he finally realizes how much he loves me and that he will be a good husband. Maybe, at this point, I don't want to hear it because maybe now, I don't care.
 

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So I left him two weeks ago today. The past two weeks have been very emotional. He goes back and forth between begging for another chance and being extremely mean. I don't understand it. We also have not been married very long. We don't have any property or children. I have already paid for my lawyer, but he is wanting to contest this divorce so we will both have to put out a bunch of more money. I don't get it. Why? There is nothing to fight about. He doesn't seem to understand that maybe I can't give him one more chance. Maybe I have been hurt by his infidelity so much that I don't want to give any more chances. He says his heart has changed and he finally realizes how much he loves me and that he will be a good husband. Maybe, at this point, I don't want to hear it because maybe now, I don't care.
Not likely that he's changed, more that he feels ENTITLED which is why he turns mean when he doesn't get his way. He's used to being persuasive and being able to control the outcome.

I'm so sorry - you deserve so much better.
 

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So I left him two weeks ago today. The past two weeks have been very emotional. He goes back and forth between begging for another chance and being extremely mean. I don't understand it. We also have not been married very long. We don't have any property or children. I have already paid for my lawyer, but he is wanting to contest this divorce so we will both have to put out a bunch of more money. I don't get it. Why? There is nothing to fight about. He doesn't seem to understand that maybe I can't give him one more chance. Maybe I have been hurt by his infidelity so much that I don't want to give any more chances. He says his heart has changed and he finally realizes how much he loves me and that he will be a good husband. Maybe, at this point, I don't want to hear it because maybe now, I don't care.
He wants control.

Let me guess. He'll get all weepy and begging for a little while and when he sees that its not working thats when he goes Mr Hyde on you?

If so thats a typical narcissistic move, so he may be borderline. These kind of people can't fathom that someone could just up and leave them like that when they're supposed to be the center of everyone's universe.

Hes not going to stop anytime soon, and if he harasses you which I suspect he may try(waiting outside your new place of living in his car, calling and then hanging up, etc) get a restraining order.
 

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He lost it, he resist the loss. That's all.
Keep moving on. Glad to hear you have your loved ones support.
 

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You're that brilliant woman who got a cell phone & pretended to be the OW in order to unmask your H, aren't you?

You're very smart already & have already managed to cut weeks, months, years off of the heartbreak that he would have caused you. So, stay smart and strong & don't under any circumstances cave to his appeals.

He sounds like he's used to putting on the great face and having everyone fall for it. When you don't buy the act, he gets mad. People like that flip out when they can't control.

He also obviously thinks very highly of himself - after all, if he's God's gift to women, who is he to keep his fabulous self from all the women who want to experience that gift? If he's married, well, that just means that he won't tell you, because he LOVES you and doesn't want to hurt you.

If he starts to draw you in, I hope you won't be embarrassed to come back here and tell people. You're only human. Very sorry that things turned out this way for you.
 

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Yes, I am the woman who set up the cell phone sting. Lol. I can't go back to him. Honestly, throughout all the pleading, I just don't believe him. He said it took me leaving for him to realize how much he loved me. How screwed up is that? I could see him making a mistake once, but not three times. I'm done. It hurts because I am having to give up my dream. I have finally realized however, that he will never be any different. I do think he is a narcissist. It was always about him and his ego. Even through the pain I have resigned to the idea that he will never be any different that what he is. It really sickens me in a way. Oh, and not to mention my children and family HATE him for all of this. I just want this divorce over as soon as possible because I know I am not willing to give any more chances. He had the chance to do the right thing when I pretended to be the other woman with the cell phone. He failed the test. Now I must move on.
 

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Yes, I am the woman who set up the cell phone sting. Lol. I can't go back to him. Honestly, throughout all the pleading, I just don't believe him. He said it took me leaving for him to realize how much he loved me. How screwed up is that? I could see him making a mistake once, but not three times. I'm done. It hurts because I am having to give up my dream. I have finally realized however, that he will never be any different. I do think he is a narcissist. It was always about him and his ego. Even through the pain I have resigned to the idea that he will never be any different that what he is. It really sickens me in a way. Oh, and not to mention my children and family HATE him for all of this. I just want this divorce over as soon as possible because I know I am not willing to give any more chances. He had the chance to do the right thing when I pretended to be the other woman with the cell phone. He failed the test. Now I must move on.
I commend you for your strength! Good luck!
 

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So he wanted to have supper tonight so I went. I went to show him that it was over. I did not cry. I did not scream. I just told him that I was not willing to put myself in a position of hurt anymore. He wanted to hold me. I refused. Now that's over, he's very angry. Blaming me for not letting things go. Blaming me for setting up the sting that caught him in betrayal. Threatening suicide. Maybe I shouldn't have gone to see him. I just needed him to know it was over. I just want and need to move forward. Why won't he just let me go? It was so easy for him to betray me over and over. Why does he need to be with me so badly now? Obviously I didn't mean much to him for him to do what he did, so why is he hanging on so hard now? Some new revelation of how much he loves me? Doubtfully. You don't hurt people you love like he's hurt me. I guess I'm going to have to pay to have the divorce papers served because he sure the heck isn't going to sign them willingly. Yes, I'm rambling and ranting, but I have to get this OUT!
 

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Narcissists come running at the slightest whiff of rejection.

Someone who loves you doesn't wait until you reject them before they figure that out. But narcissists and broken people do.
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and when you still reject them, they react with tremendous anger.

How dare you reject perfection?
 

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So he wanted to have supper tonight so I went. I went to show him that it was over. I did not cry. I did not scream. I just told him that I was not willing to put myself in a position of hurt anymore. He wanted to hold me. I refused. Now that's over, he's very angry. Blaming me for not letting things go. Blaming me for setting up the sting that caught him in betrayal. Threatening suicide. Maybe I shouldn't have gone to see him. I just needed him to know it was over. I just want and need to move forward. Why won't he just let me go? It was so easy for him to betray me over and over. Why does he need to be with me so badly now? Obviously I didn't mean much to him for him to do what he did, so why is he hanging on so hard now? Some new revelation of how much he loves me? Doubtfully. You don't hurt people you love like he's hurt me. I guess I'm going to have to pay to have the divorce papers served because he sure the heck isn't going to sign them willingly. Yes, I'm rambling and ranting, but I have to get this OUT!

Yep hes a typical narcissist. Tried to put up a front of niceness and when that doesn't work you get belligerence and threats. :mad:

Why he won't let you go.

You have to realize, its not about you. Its about him, its always been all about him.

This may be hard to believe, but whether he knows it or not he sees you as an extension of himself, akin to an arm or a leg.

He sees you as something he owns, something he controls, not as a person who has their own free will and makes their own decisions.

Hes taking you leaving him as a slight upon himself and his ridiculously oversized ego so he will do or say anything to get you back, and once hes got you he'll follow through on nothing hes said and revert back to how he was in less than three weeks tops.

Have him served, and narcissistic people are dangerous people, never be alone with him again. Don't let him into where you are now, and don't go to him alone for any reason whatsoever anymore.

All narcissistic largely follow the same path. When false kindness and threats don't work, they frequently turn to violence.(against you, your belongings, work place, etc)

Stay the course and if you for even one second feel scared don't hesitate to call the cops
 
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