[JerryB]

I found this site and NMMNG last September.
THANK YOU for all your knowledge & sharing!!!

My wife & I were only having sex once a month. And even though that had been going on for quite a while, only then did I start to feel neglected. Rejected. I was building up so much resentment.

I searched & searched and finally found this site.
Read 3 great books, and found out that I needed to work on myself!

Long story short... it did wonders. When we finally talked about it, she said she HAD NO IDEA! She always thought she was just "low desire".

Anyway, things were great for a while, it really seemed like we were fixing and working on our issues and talking & sharing more. Sex was through the roof.

Extremely long story short, things blew up last month, I'm in the dog house, and she's depressed and feeling worthless these last 2 years because she's a stay at home mom, and it's eating her up inside. She decided to go back to the doctor and get back on Zoloft. (It's probably been 5 years ago since she last was on it)

I'm scared. She was already acting LD without it for years. Now I fear she'll REALLY be LD.

And if I try to object, she says all I care about is the sex, and I don't care about her depression. Or believe it's a real issue. Or that the drugs really do a great job. All I think about is the short term and long term affects. She only had to talk to the doctor for 25 minutes. Hell, the first month's batch was FREE! Big Pharma is a bunch of pimp pushing drug dealers!

Grrr.
I want a happy, healthy wife.
And yes, a happy, loving, intimate, physical marriage.

 

[Married but Happy]

Can you go to her doctor with her? Ask him if Wellbutrin may be suitable for her.

Bupropion [Wellbutrin] is one of few antidepressants that do not cause sexual dysfunction

Bupropion - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

[JerryB]

Thanks.
I have read that before. In fact, probably on this site.

The thing is, she already knows that Zoloft works for her. With so many stories of side affects (not just sexual) and some drugs not working for some people, or getting the dosage just right, why start from scratch?

Until she has proof that this will kill her libido, she probably doesn't even believe the side effects exist. (And she might not even care - I may have to visit THAT bridge in the future)

On the Pfizer site, they say that if Zoloft is prescribed for anxiety, 10% of people may have this libido side effect. If it's prescribed for depression, only 1% of people will have this side effect.

Do I believe Pfizer? Hardly.

 

[whattodoskidoo]

How old is your wife?

 

[JerryB]

How old is your wife?

We're both a healthy 40.

 

[whattodoskidoo]

She should go have her thyroid and hormones checked! I used zoloft for a few years and I believe that was actually the beginning of my thyroid/hormone imbalance and not really depression. I finally found a dr who would treat me. It changed my life! My drive went through the roof! I feel better than I did at 30. My energy level is good and my enthusiasm for life is back!

Find a dr who is knowledgable in bio-identical hormone replacement (not synthetic stuff!). You can call a compounding pharmacy and ask for recommendations. Do some research on what healthy levels really are, not just what regular MDs say they are. (Most MDs use out of date levels to compare to)

I can't recommend this enough!!

 

[MissScarlett]

I was on it in the past and it did not affect my sex drive. It also did not cause me any weight gain.

In fact my sex drive was higher and I lost weight all because I felt better about life an wasn't consumed with hopelessness.

Hoping she feels better soon and you see no negative effects.

 

[JerryB]

Glad to hear both side of this.
With MissScarlet's comment, I feel some hope. One where "waiting and seeing what happens" doesn't seem like a completely losing situation.

Whattodoskidoo, what age were you when you discovered thyroid issues? I don't believe she has family history with that issue. I might have to look into other symptoms of thyroid issues.
Also, she was first diagnosed with depression in early college, and gets easily anxious/worried about things. Her sister diagnosed in high school.

 

[Anon Pink]

She can mitigate possible libido inhibiting side effects by increasing her awareness of her sexuality. She may not "burn for it" but she can keep sex on her forebrain by thinking about sex, by turning herself on, and by doing things through out the day that she finds sexy and attractive.

It's not ALL brain chemistry...

 

[whattodoskidoo]

I was in my late 20s when my issues started. My dr prescribed me zoloft, saying I was depressed. I was desperate for help so I took it. It really just made me numb to the world. I took it for about 4 years. I tried to stop several times but the withdrawal was too uncomfortable. I did a much slower weaning and that helped. I still didn't feel "right" and it was about 2 years later that I found my dr who treats me.

Nobody else in my family takes thyroid meds. BUT it's very common for our thyroid to stop functioning at it's optimal level as we age, especially in the toxic world we live in. It definitely wouldn't hurt for your wife to get it checked out but I would caution you in going to just any dr. A lot of drs today use out of date levels for comparison. Make sure to go to a dr who knows about bioidentical hormone replacement.

 

[JerryB]

After a month on 50mg of Zoloft, my wife visited her doctor to follow up. She told him that she was frequently breaking out in night sweats (Wow, was she ever!), and was extremely drowsy (sleeping more than normal).

She is now on 10mg of Xanax. Again free, for a month.

We've had sex 4 times these last 5 weeks.
She is not very talkative this month, and often falls asleep before I'm done reading to the kids and can get into bed with her. Which is frustrating for me. And in the morning, we've both been kind of tired and sleep til it's time to get ready. I Mention this, because those are the times that would work best for us to be close, intimate, and talk.

I feel like she is 'fine' with how things are going.
I've never been more depressed. I feel like I have been slipped the Zoloft and it's affecting me negatively.

 

[favoritemistake]

Her doctor put her on xanax for depression? Holy moses! My understanding is that xanax is primarily used to treat anxiety/panic disorders. It is highly addictive and once addicted users have a hell of a time weaning themselves. Withdrawal can be fatal (seizures). Not trying to scare you but the doctor prescribed xanax for me but only .25mg and only as necessary for panic attacks. I did a lot of research on it and I am very careful with it. I take it very rarely when needed. Her dosage seems high to me as well. How many times a day does she take it. It wears off fairly quickly. Oh and no wonder she is falling asleep. For me it acts like a sedative.

 

[Anon Pink]

After a month on 50mg of Zoloft, my wife visited her doctor to follow up. She told him that she was frequently breaking out in night sweats (Wow, was she ever!), and was extremely drowsy (sleeping more than normal).

She is now on 10mg of Xanax. Again free, for a month.

We've had sex 4 times these last 5 weeks.
She is not very talkative this month, and often falls asleep before I'm done reading to the kids and can get into bed with her. Which is frustrating for me. And in the morning, we've both been kind of tired and sleep til it's time to get ready. I Mention this, because those are the times that would work best for us to be close, intimate, and talk.

I feel like she is 'fine' with how things are going.
I've never been more depressed. I feel like I have been slipped the Zoloft and it's affecting me negatively.

This is very concerning. Very!

Were the night sweats from anxiety? Did she also have a fast heart beat? If you asked would she admit that she was experiencing anxiety? At 40, she could also be experiencing early perimenopause...night sweats! You wake up soaked! Xanax would do nothing for that.

If she is sleeping more than her depression doesn't seem to be getting better.

Put your foot down and insist she see a psychiatrist for these kind of meds. This doctor should not be prescribing both Zoloft and Xanax without a psychiatrists recommendations.

She needs a new primary care doc and an appointment with a psychiatrist.

Tell her you are worried about her being treated properly and you insist she see a psychiatrist to treat her depression. If you must, make the appointment for her and go with her! You will get a chance to talk to the doc and share your concerns.

 

[LongWalk]

Anon Pink, you're back!

Jerry,

You read to the kids and she goes to sleep. That is awful early to conk out.

Your wife is in some deep well of depression. Does she see herself as the victim?

How close to giving up on her are you?

 

[Belle_Saint]

Can you go to her doctor with her? Ask him if Wellbutrin may be suitable for her.



Bupropion - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I'm on wellbutrin and since then I've been extremely LD, however, a friend went on it and had to get off because she was so horny every second of the day.

So actually I'm on Zoloft and Wellbutrin. Even before the drugs I was LD.

My husband and I are actually going through a rough patch right now, but I have some suggestions as a LD female. You said that you read the books. Has your wife? It was an eye-opener for me to see that men view sex as a means to be close and open up to women, as women are opposite. We want to feel close and connected, then we'll have sex.

When my husband said that our issue was divorce-worthy and he had thought about leaving, I did some research on my own. I liked the book Sex-Starved Marriage. I probably need to re-read it.

Being depressed and having your husband want sex when you can't perform was very sad for me. It hurt me to know I was hurting him. Since I wanted to feel close before having sex and he was pushed away because we weren't having sex it was a lose-lose situation. I'd like to say try to do things you know will turn her on and do caring, thoughtful things, but according to my dh, that didn't work.

I don't have suggestions for getting her to the point I was, but I just wanted to give you my perspective.

 

[Lordhavok]

Xanax makes you very sleepy, and zoloft is a notorius libido killer. I would ask if she could switch to wellbutrin. I dont know about the night sweats, that sounds weird. I've been on just about every anti depressent out there, and therapy, and what have I learned? there is no medicine for what I have.

 

[TheConfederate]

This is very concerning. Very!

Were the night sweats from anxiety? Did she also have a fast heart beat? If you asked would she admit that she was experiencing anxiety? At 40, she could also be experiencing early perimenopause...night sweats! You wake up soaked! Xanax would do nothing for that.

If she is sleeping more than her depression doesn't seem to be getting better.

Put your foot down and insist she see a psychiatrist for these kind of meds. This doctor should not be prescribing both Zoloft and Xanax without a psychiatrists recommendations.

She needs a new primary care doc and an appointment with a psychiatrist.

Tell her you are worried about her being treated properly and you insist she see a psychiatrist to treat her depression. If you must, make the appointment for her and go with her! You will get a chance to talk to the doc and share your concerns.

:iagree: Jerry, there is some very sound advice here. Perimenopause and thyroid issues should be investigated. My wife seems to be suffering from both at the same time. If your wife is suffering from either or both of these, I would imagine Zoloft will only mask the real issue(s). Blood work will reveal these if they exist.

 

[Janky]

I was on Zoloft for a while and thought it was absolutely terrible.

Switched to Zenapro and had zero side effects and started working within a week.

 

[JerryB]

Her doctor put her on xanax for depression? Holy moses! My understanding is that xanax is primarily used to treat anxiety/panic disorders. ...... Her dosage seems high to me as well. How many times a day does she take it. It wears off fairly quickly. Oh and no wonder she is falling asleep. For me it acts like a sedative.

She has high anxiety, too. She worries about a lot of little things.
I may have misremembered the MG dosage. Now I'm thinking it's 5mg. Maybe she meant 0.5.
I dont' know how often she takes it, I'll find out on both.

The Zoloft was making her drowsy, She has only recently switched to Xanax, so I don't know how that is affecting her yet. I understand these things can take a while to kick in/out.

This was not her primary care doctors that prescribed these. This was someone new/special she had to meet with. I assume it was a psychiatrist. However, her meeting was only 1/2 hour long with this guy. Perhaps they factored in her previous history--which involved extensive psychiatric therapy/meetings/talks.

Were the night sweats from anxiety? Did she also have a fast heart beat? If you asked would she admit that she was experiencing anxiety? At 40, she could also be experiencing early perimenopause...night sweats! You wake up soaked! Xanax would do nothing for that.

I think we have some miscommunication. Her night sweats started after taking Zoloft. She never had them before. There is no previous indication she is or was experiencing perimenopause.

If she is sleeping more than her depression doesn't seem to be getting better.

I don't see the correlation in this case. She's not laying in bed because she's depressed. The Zoloft was conking her out.

You read to the kids and she goes to sleep. That is awful early to conk out.

Your wife is in some deep well of depression. Does she see herself as the victim?

How close to giving up on her are you?

Ah.. long story I didn't want to bore anyone with. But we do regularly go to bed at 8:30pm and wake up before 5 am. That is just our schedule.

Hopefully I've cleared up some misconceptions. I don't see her in a deep well of depression at all.
Giving up on her? Not even close. That hasn't crossed my mind at all.

 

[Anon Pink]

So she's off the Zoloft and now only takes Xanax for rescue? I'm confused now.