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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
You will hate me for this, but I finally snapped. After years of patiently waiting for my LD wife to come around, I took the easy way - found sex elsewhere. Thanks to Craigslist casual encounters (very low strike rate though) and an asian massage parlor recently. What an experience! To be touched and caressed by a woman again. I felt great. No guilty feelings. More like a nice treat and a reward. It feel like a burden was lifted off my shoulders

I was very careful to not let the lack of sex affect my mood and behavior at home. I was always affectionate, considerate and loving (I still am).

Divorce is not in the cards since we have young children and we both don't envision a split household as the best outcome for our kids. We enjoy being with each other and are as compatible as one can be except for the sex drive part.

The way I see it, this way everyone's happy.
 

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I am sorry to hear this. I know you know it is not the right thing to do. I am guessing your wife does not know. You need to tell her. It is not right to expose her and not tell her.

You would have felt better morally if you had divorced or separated and agreed to see other people.

But humans are weak and can't live without love indefinitely. We all take easy outs sometimes. I am sorry it came to that for you.
 
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I was very careful to not let the lack of sex affect my mood and behavior at home.
THIS was your first dishonesty, and it's what led to the conditions that let you justify cheating. So, not only is the cheating your fault, but the sexlessness is too. Try being honest sometime and tell her and show her how you actually feel.
 

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well it looks like you have all of your excuses lined up and ready - but I think WorkingOnMe got it right....you are dishonest.

I'm sure your wife is okay with this because you are so compatible that you can talk about everything.

If she doesn't know then can you honestly say that she is happy?

And, no, I don't hate you... but I don't agree with you at all.
 

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I don't understand the motivation for people posting here that they are having affairs. Is it to incite jealousy? Confession? Need to be reprimanded?

I'm very on board with people leaving their sexless marriages but I suppose I feel like this half-in half-out business just prolongs the inevitable.

Rather like some people will take anti-depressants to make their lives bearable because it's easier than making tough choices and changes that need to be made.

(Note I said some people - depression runs in my family and I have taken AD myself, when I was younger regularly.)
 

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My husband and I have a sort of agreement. If the sex life (or lack of) gets to be too much in the marriage, or the rejection of one spouse or the other is too much and one or the other (meaning he or I) can't take the lack of physical intimacy anymore and one of us does step out, the only condition is total honesty. In other words, there's a big difference in cheating and then confessing, and one of us looking at the other and saying "hey, I've had enough of this (insert unresolved issues here), and I'm not willing to go on without intimacy anymore. I'm heading to a bar to hook up and I'll be home later. If you're still here we can talk about it then."

At that point the ball is more or less in the other person's court. They can choose right then to either try to sort out the issues in the marriage or call a spade a spade and end things. I'd much rather that happen then my husband to come home and tell me he just slept with the first attractive stranger who threw him a bone.

I'm not in your situation exactly and I won't lie when I say that the thought hasn't crossed my mind before, but it would never happen, one of the main reasons being my kids.

Yes, it may have taken you a long time to get to this point, and yes, maybe you tried everything and faced rejection one too many times but one thing remains: you cheated. In the eyes of family and your children, you're the bad guy who had the affair. Not passing judgment at all because like I said, I've had similar thoughts. Most won't listen to your reasons before condemning you, they'll just condemn you.

Try telling your insurance company that you had a legit reason for rear ending the guy in front of you. Not gonna happen.

At the very least you owe your wife the truth. If your kids are like mine they're perceptive little things and already pick up on mommy and daddy not being happy. Split up, both of you find happiness else where in a healthy fashion and give your kids and your selves two happy functional families instead of one miserable one.
 

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I also wonder why Dedad has confessed on here? He must have known he was going to receive responses such as he has.

What he did was wrong...he broke his vows and he was unfaithful. Accepted.

Although he has said very little he has indicated that he has waited several years for his LD wife to come round.
She may be LD because he is a total jerk in the marriage, round the house, as a father etc.
It may be that he is a wonderful husband and father etc but that his wife simply doesn't rate sex as important, won't talk about it and won't even try to understand his need and reach a compromise.

The man needed sex, he wasnt getting it from his wife so he went elsewhere. I agree we the STD issue and not infecting his wife.

By all means tell the OP what he did was wrong (which he probably knows anyway) but try to understand WHY he did what he did.

Why did you steal that Iphone? Because I want one and havent got the money.... Theft. Handcuffs on.

Why did you steal that loaf of bread? Because I havent eaten for three days, I am starving and I have no job, no home and no money....Theft. Handcuffs..???
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Interesting comments about the vows. Do they say anything about caring about your spouse's basic physical needs? Isn't here a responsibility there?:scratchhead:
 
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