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That's a big statement right there ^^^.
We need a 1-800-black-sheep number to get the right counselor onboard!
I would honestly treat it like an addict situation. I would treat the betrayed as traumatized victim of an addict. Nobody assigns marital responsibility to a person whose spouse pisses their life away on Opiates, I don’t think infidelity should be any different. Just a different method of rehab and all the responsibility for the affair laid right in the cheater’s lap. Obviously a betrayed person has responsibility for their own life and decisions therein on how their future will be determined… but they need the health, mindfulness and tools to make good decisions.

I suppose this is a thread-jack. But it kind of isn’t because really… every betrayed person has to deal with this issue.
 

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I think it always comes back to wanting to know why. The problem is the answer to that is typically very unsatisfying. Often it is simply because they could, the opportunity existed and they exploited it. The betrayed feels gullible that they trusted their SO so unconditionally and it is natural to think about how you could have missed all the signs.

I think their love makes them blame themselves too. When you love someone so completely and they do something so hurtful it seems logical to wonder what you could have done to hurt them to the point that they would be able to hurt you so badly. And their is the difference between the cheater and the faithful. The faithful partner has their partner's feelings at the top of their priority list, probably above their own. The cheater is selfish and put themselves above all else.
I've a desire to send this to my ex. But of course, I wouldn't bother.
 

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@RB III You should consider doing a reverse image search (go to images.google.com and select the "Search by Image" camera icon -- be sure to turn off Safe Search for the results to make sure explicit images aren't hidden) on some of those pictures to see if they've been uploaded or otherwise wound up on a porn site. If the OM is willing to show those pictures to others, who knows what else he's done with them.
 

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Discussion Starter · #149 ·
@RB III, how are you doing?
It's done, papers served, moved out, no cook out per advice from my attorney, I personally gave the om his phone back along with a notarized no contact letter. All parties know the gig is up. Gonna let my soon to be ex explain why to our children, both of which are adults now. Finances handled, between attorney and PI my savings account is almost gone.
Took the PI 3 days to get the job done, guess this past Friday and Saturday weren't all about shopping.
This is not gonna be a good Christmas.
The attorney did say that I'll get to keep my entire pension because if it goes to Court he's gonna subpoena a few people who have a great deal to loose including my wife.
Still devastated broken hearted.
Starting a new chapter in my life gonna take it one day at a time.
 

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It's done, papers served, moved out, no cook out per advice from my attorney, I personally gave the om his phone back along with a notarized no contact letter. All parties know the gig is up. Gonna let my soon to be ex explain why to our children, both of which are adults now. Finances handled, between attorney and PI my savings account is almost gone.
Took the PI 3 days to get the job done, guess this past Friday and Saturday weren't all about shopping.
This is not gonna be a good Christmas.
The attorney did say that I'll get to keep my entire pension because if it goes to Court he's gonna subpoena a few people who have a great deal to loose including my wife.
Still devastated broken hearted.
Starting a new chapter in my life gonna take it one day at a time.
What was your "wife's" reaction to being served?

Mine had a look on her face that said "How Dare You?"

It spelled problems and by the grace of a good, yet expensive lawyer, I made it.
 

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It's done, papers served, moved out, no cook out per advice from my attorney, I personally gave the om his phone back along with a notarized no contact letter. All parties know the gig is up. Gonna let my soon to be ex explain why to our children, both of which are adults now. Finances handled, between attorney and PI my savings account is almost gone.
Took the PI 3 days to get the job done, guess this past Friday and Saturday weren't all about shopping.
This is not gonna be a good Christmas.
The attorney did say that I'll get to keep my entire pension because if it goes to Court he's gonna subpoena a few people who have a great deal to loose including my wife.
Still devastated broken hearted.
Starting a new chapter in my life gonna take it one day at a time.
That's encouraging news that you can keep your pension. I'm sorry that you're hurting so much, but you will eventually heal. One day at a time. 🙏
 

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Thanks for the update.
Do your kids know what's going on?
I hope you got everything out of the house that matters to you. Do you have all legal documents and financial paperwork in your possession?
Are you no contact with your stbxw?
Have you considered taking a vacation to someplace where you can relax and be away from the drama?
 

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Discussion Starter · #153 ·
What was your "wife's" reaction to being served?

Mine had a look on her face that said "How Dare You?"

It spelled problems and by the grace of a good, yet expensive lawyer, I made it.
Stunned, shocked, cried and apologized didn't stick around for anything else, got my dog and drove away, blocked her number and left all my social media accounts.
Good attorneys are not cheap at all but worth the $
 

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Discussion Starter · #154 ·
Thanks for the update.
Do your kids know what's going on?
I hope you got everything out of the house that matters to you. Do you have all legal documents and financial paperwork in your possession?
Are you no contact with your stbxw?
Have you considered taking a vacation to someplace where you can relax and be away from the drama?
Have done everything my attorney advised, no time for vacation have an interview at for a job Thursday. Only thing I haven't done is talk with my siblings and Mom, taking care of that today 😒
 

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Stunned, shocked, cried and apologized didn't stick around for anything else, got my dog and drove away, blocked her number and left all my social media accounts.
Good attorneys are not cheap at all but worth the $
Man I remember those moments. I don't ever want to live them again; but I've lived them or close to them.

Don't Drink. I did, helped a lot, got me laid a lot, got me into trouble a whole lot. Not a good idea.

Exercise. Now that I did do. I built a body that even I was proud of and in the process I kind-of forgot about her 51-1it.

You may be lonely now, but you are not alone. 7/10 women here can be a dating servive for you, I;m sure and half their rcomendations will be twice the woman you ex was.
 

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There's a thread going on right now - the guy just found out his wife has been having an affair. Some of the advice was to take revenge, ''blow up her world,'' ''blow up the OM's world,'' etc...but, your situation is exactly how I think people who wish to divorce, should proceed. It is tough no doubt, and like you say ''expensive,'' but you walk away with class and dignity, and the offenders will ALL reap what they have sown, in a more organic way.

Kudos for staying strong, and staying true to yourself!
 

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Gonna let my soon to be ex explain why to our children, both of which are adults now.
Did you tell her that she needs to tell your children why or you will? Or are you going to tell them (or told them already) to ask her when you tell them about the divorce? I'm assuming you don't doubt the paternity of your children enough or care either way to do a paternity test, right?
 

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All parties know the gig is up. Gonna let my soon to be ex explain why to our children, both of which are adults now.
Here's what I'd suggest. Please talk to them after she has her talk. I have a strong feeling that she's going to minimize the extent of her actions and/or make make you out to be the bad guy or make it partially your fault. She may play the victim. So, it'd be better to set the record straight with your kids. They deserve to know the truth.
 
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