Talk About Marriage banner
1 - 20 of 211 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
31 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Just had a call from an old friend who said he was concerned about me.
Said that a mutual friend of ours has been having an ongoing affair with my wife and even shared pictures of them having sex and going to alternative lifestyle parties. What do I do now?
I want to confront my wife and this so called friend.
Heart broken, passed off, and confused
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,475 Posts
Did you see the pictures, or your friend just told you about them?

You need to see a lawyer to figure out what a divorce would look like for you. You can’t make a plan until you know your options and how to carry them out. Do you have children?

Find a counselor for yourself to help process these terrible emotions and feelings. At minimum find some trusted people that can support you in this.

I would say light her up and burn both their worlds to the ground, but you may have to be a bit strategic about this. Is the “friend” married with children?
I think if you give more details about your situation you’ll get better advice.

Sorry this is happening to you, it truly is heart crushing to go through. But your wife will never be a decent spouse to you again if she can cheat on you with a friend, an alternate lifestyle, and expose you to who knows what diseases. I hope you know that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,134 Posts
As far as what to do about it, that depends on your plan going forward.

Are wanting to try to remain together? If they are going to swinger events together with the OM, the chances of her ever having a traditional, sexually exclusive relationship with you is pretty slim and none.

Or are you wanting to split?

If you are wanting to split, my recommendation is to NOT confront at this time as the horse is already way out of the barn and is already living in another, greener pasture on the other side of the mountain range across from the valley.

My recommendation is to play dumb while you see a lawyer and get your divorce plan all in place and ready to go and have your after-divorce life planned before having her served.

She has already divorced you mentally and emotionally and sexually. She is still with you now for financial reasons.

Therefor you need to focus on the legalities and financials.

Your marriage and emotional and sexual relationship are already dead and buried.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
31 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I haven't seen the pictures and don't really know if I want to. I do trust the friend who called me, and yes the "friend" my wife is involved with is married and we've been going places as couples for years, he's one of my golfing buddies and his wife and my wife are close. No children at home for any of us.
Feel like I've been gut punched by Mike Tyson
Did you see the pictures, or your friend just told you about them?

You need to see a lawyer to figure out what a divorce would look like for you. You can’t make a plan until you know your options and how to carry them out. Do you have children?

Find a counselor for yourself to help process these terrible emotions and feelings. At minimum find some trusted people that can support you in this.

I would say light her up and burn both their worlds to the ground, but you may have to be a bit strategic about this. Is the “friend” married with children?
I think if you give more details about your situation you’ll get better advice.

Sorry this is happening to you, it truly is heart crushing to go through. But your wife will never be a decent spouse to you again if she can cheat on you with a friend, an alternate lifestyle, and expose you to who knows what diseases. I hope you know that.
Didn't hit reply just posted again sorry, thanks for the advice
Just out of my own curiosity, how did your friend get pictures of your wife having sex?
I really don't know, all I do know is the friend who called me said they were shown to him still trying to process the s... lots of questions not many answers right now
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,475 Posts
I haven't seen the pictures and don't really know if I want to. I do trust the friend who called me, and yes the "friend" my wife is involved with is married and we've been going places as couples for years, he's one of my golfing buddies and his wife and my wife are close. No children at home for any of us.
Feel like I've been gut punched by Mike Tyson

Didn't hit reply just posted again sorry, thanks for the advice

I really don't know, all I do know is the friend who called me said they were shown to him still trying to process the s... lots of questions not many answers right now
Im not saying you should see the pictures, but sometimes it helps to know you have undeniable proof when confronting the cheaters and knowing when you are being lied to and gaslighted. Your wife and friend are double betrayers and disgusting.

I know this is difficult to think about right now, but you need to divorce her. And let the other betrayed wife know. If you need to work with her to get the pictures for your own verification, that’s up to you, but if you trust the friend that told you then don’t. But don’t let her make you doubt the truth.

I would get with a lawyer and work on the divorce ASAP. Continuing to have sex with her should be an easy no go decision. Get a full STD panel… as soon as humanly possible.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,608 Posts
There's just too much at stake here to not see the pics.

Did you suspect your wife of anything before this?
Any late nights out, weird phone calls, extra time texting, etc?

How was your sex life with her? Good/normal? Or had it changed recently?
Any weird fighting or her distancing?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,475 Posts
You absolutely have got to see those pictures. Make 100% sure it's her before you do a single thing.
I had to process deep traumatic thoughts from pictures of them walking out of a bar together and kissing… I don’t know that he needs to see them, perhaps a trusted person could verify if he were to get his hands on them. Just a thought.

I think the OBW is the only one that will be able to get them.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,608 Posts
Also be prepared about the 2 friends.

FriendA gives you the info about your wife.

If those pics don't clearly show FriendB, then FriendA becomes a suspect. He could be the friend in the pic wanting to break you up so he can have her. Heads up to that possibility. Otherwise HTH does he get pics?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,608 Posts
I had to process deep traumatic thoughts from pictures of them walking out of a bar together and kissing… I don’t know that he needs to see them, perhaps a trusted person could verify if he were to get his hands on them. Just a thought.

I think the OBW is the only one that will be able to get them.
I get that, really. But to end a marriage on the word of a friend? Or friend of a friend? Sorry, no can do. Too many friends have had knives in my back. I want proof unless I've suspected for a while anyway. In which case then who cares, no proof is needed.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,134 Posts
I don’t get this attitude of not confirming pictures.

I have had someone contact me once about nakey sex pictures of my wife on a swinger site.

5, 3 seconds later I was looking up the pictures. It turned out to not be her, but the person in that photo did resemble her.

But my point here is if someone tells me there are pictures of my wife out there having sex with someone that ain’t me, all the kings horses and all the kings men would not be able to stop me from dropping whatever I am doing at that exact moment to see what is going on.

IMHO it is outright irresponsible and negligent to not get to the bottom of this immediately.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,475 Posts
I get that, really. But to end a marriage on the word of a friend? Or friend of a friend? Sorry, no can do. Too many friends have had knives in my back. I want proof unless I've suspected for a while anyway. In which case then who cares, no proof is needed.
I don’t disagree. But maybe he can have someone verify the pictures on his behalf. Or perhaps do some strategic cropping. I’m just thinking of the therapy bill, it could be that I’m projecting my own expenses in that way….That’s assuming he can get the pictures. Sounds like his friend could also just be a really good friend.
 
1 - 20 of 211 Posts
Top