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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey everyone,

I've been feeling very unhappy in my marriage and I don't know what to do anymore. I have been together with my husband for almost 3 years now and we had a very rocky relationship since almost day one. He has a very strong and intense past including a porn making baby mother and numerous ex-girlfriend and sexual relationships a porn addiction and also a big history of cheating up until he got with me. He claims that he has never cheated on me, which I believe but what I know is that he has lied to me since day one and is lying to me to this day.

I am the complete opposite when it comes to my past and past relationships. I may be what you call 'old school'. I haven't had many relationships, 2 to be exact - before my husband. So for me, it was really hard to get over when I learned of his past. And I understand, past is past - focus on now and the future. But how can I when I am being lied to every day about everything?

It doesn't even matter what it is. It could be the smallest thing and my husband still chooses to lie to me or twist the truth which isn't any better. And when I confront him about it, he starts an argument, just yells and my favourite part - turns it around on me and says he HAS to lie because of my reactions or what I do.

We had a really rough time not too long ago where we literally fought every single day for hours and hours and hours and he worked nights during that period and he would go to work and then talk bad about me with his buddies. To people who have never met me or talked to me every. And they were saying that 'I belong on the streets and that he needs to divorce me ASAP' and I know too that he was calling me 'a *****' numerous times behind my back and even once to my face. Has any of your husbands/or even you as a husband called you/your wife a *****? And you know the worst part? He never said a single word to defend me or even try ... and that hurts so bad and I truly don't know how to get over this.

Do we even have a chance in this marriage or is it better to prevent worse things and get a divorce? Is it my fault that I was blind and stayed and gave him all this chances because I thought he would change at some point and haven't learned after 3 years of being with this man? I love this man with all my heart, truly. But I can't take this for the rest of my life.

Any advise is welcomed, thank you
 

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My advice, for what it’s worth: unless he’s willing to go into marriage counseling NOW, you need to run!
He’s showing some narcissistic behavior and that’s a tough nut to crack.
good luck to you.
 

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Hey everyone,

I've been feeling very unhappy in my marriage and I don't know what to do anymore. I have been together with my husband for almost 3 years now and we had a very rocky relationship since almost day one. He has a very strong and intense past including a porn making baby mother and numerous ex-girlfriend and sexual relationships a porn addiction and also a big history of cheating up until he got with me. He claims that he has never cheated on me, which I believe but what I know is that he has lied to me since day one and is lying to me to this day.

I am the complete opposite when it comes to my past and past relationships. I may be what you call 'old school'. I haven't had many relationships, 2 to be exact - before my husband. So for me, it was really hard to get over when I learned of his past. And I understand, past is past - focus on now and the future. But how can I when I am being lied to every day about everything?

It doesn't even matter what it is. It could be the smallest thing and my husband still chooses to lie to me or twist the truth which isn't any better. And when I confront him about it, he starts an argument, just yells and my favourite part - turns it around on me and says he HAS to lie because of my reactions or what I do.

We had a really rough time not too long ago where we literally fought every single day for hours and hours and hours and he worked nights during that period and he would go to work and then talk bad about me with his buddies. To people who have never met me or talked to me every. And they were saying that 'I belong on the streets and that he needs to divorce me ASAP' and I know too that he was calling me 'a *' numerous times behind my back and even once to my face. Has any of your husbands/or even you as a husband called you/your wife a *? And you know the worst part? He never said a single word to defend me or even try ... and that hurts so bad and I truly don't know how to get over this.

Do we even have a chance in this marriage or is it better to prevent worse things and get a divorce? Is it my fault that I was blind and stayed and gave him all this chances because I thought he would change at some point and haven't learned after 3 years of being with this man? I love this man with all my heart, truly. But I can't take this for the rest of my life.

Any advise is welcomed, thank you
Why do you love him with all your heart? That’s a strange statement given the person you’ve described.
 

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It is pretty clear what happened here ...

you married the "bad boy"

he probably excited you, was rebellious and lustful, dangerous and unpredictable, and tried to be some kind of "alpha male" in bedding lots of women

these guys are never allies to other men or women, they are always enemies and competitors, out for themselves

and such men do not make good husbands or fathers.

you probably thought you could domesticate this guy or change him--clearly you can't

it isn't going to get better, it's just going to get worse. Be honest with yourself and then decide what to do
 

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He claims that he has never cheated on me, which I believe but what I know is that he has lied to me since day one and is lying to me to this day.
Why on earth would you believe that?
The toxic relationship you're describing would make not believing him the default.
He doesn't respect you and he has appetites that won't help to create a good, loving marriage.

Asking whether you have a chance and taking it, would mean you're willing to endure this environment, hoping he will somehow change who and what he is in order to nurture a relationship with a woman he doesn't respect.
Realistically, what are the odds of that happening?
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Why do you love him with all your heart? That’s a strange statement given the person you’ve described.
I fell in love with him when he was a different person, or at least pretended to be. Now I can't even tell anymore. He treated me like the best thing he ever had and now its like he's a complete different person
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
It is pretty clear what happened here ...

you married the "bad boy"

he probably excited you, was rebellious and lustful, dangerous and unpredictable, and tried to be some kind of "alpha male" in bedding lots of women

these guys are never allies to other men or women, they are always enemies and competitors, out for themselves

and such men do not make good husbands or fathers.

you probably thought you could domesticate this guy or change him--clearly you can't

it isn't going to get better, it's just going to get worse. Be honest with yourself and then decide what to do
that's the hard part about it - being honest to myself. My gut is telling me to give up on him and just leave because I would be better off without him (maybe). Not having to deal with all the drama and selfishness anymore but I haven't had the strength to leave. Its the [empty] promises that make me doubt my decision until I learn that its just all words and no actions.
 

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It sounds like his behavior has cut your life into pieces.

He doesn’t sound like much of a prize to me. Cut him loose while you can.
 

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I fell in love with him when he was a different person, or at least pretended to be. Now I can't even tell anymore. He treated me like the best thing he ever had and now its like he's a complete different person
The good guy was the act. The rea him is this person you are dealing with now.
 
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