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I have to wonder how this would go down with you ladies. Ok you are very L D and always have been. Your husband is HD . You have a wonderful marriage,home, kids,money, But you could careless about sex and never have really enjoyed it.There has always been tension and resentment about sex. So your husband comes to you and says I understand where you stand with sex. And I am willing to let you have it your way. But I am going to fine a women to take care of my needs. {1] You admire him for being so kind to you and letting you off the hook. {2} You resent him for asking and inform him that he can not have sex with you or any other women. {3} You realize what a bad wife you have been and try to improve as to not lose him to another women ???
 

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My aunt and uncle actually had this arrangement. She told him that she was never interested in having sex again and told him that he was free to find sex elsewhere, as long as things did not evolve emotionally. So, that is what they did, they were married for like, forever, and were still together when she died.
 

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I have to wonder how this would go down with you ladies. Ok you are very L D and always have been. Your husband is HD . You have a wonderful marriage,home, kids,money, But you could careless about sex and never have really enjoyed it.Why? Emotional issues? Medical issues? Lack of connection issues? Tell me the reason I don't have interest in sex otherwise the answers aren't accurate.There has always been tension and resentment about sex. Again,why? And why did you marry me in the first place? Why did I marry you knowing you wouldn't be ok with my low drive?So your husband comes to you and says I understand where you stand with sex. And I am willing to let you have it your way. But I am going to fine a women to take care of my needs. {1] You admire him for being so kind to you and letting you off the hook.that would never happen. {2} You resent him for asking and inform him that he can not have sex with you or any other women.If he's going to have sex with another woman,he can go be with her full time then.Why keep one foot in the door while your d*ck dangles outside? {3} You realize what a bad wife you have been and try to improve as to not lose him to another women ???Have I actually been a bad wife or are there things he has done to murder my sex drive? I need details before I can choose option 3.
 

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I'd be like "sure go find another women, but I'm going to go find another man to meet my needs then."
"If you go find someone else, I'm gone. Your forcing my position, because you refuse to meet my needs. I will not have sexless life"
 
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If my husband asked to be with another woman, I'd pack my bags and leave. I would file for divorce and not reconcile.

There are many opinions of what low drive actually is. Some men think 2-3 times a week is low drive while others think once a month or less is low drive(in my opinion, this would be low drive).
 

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Ok point taken,One of the questions you asked was why did I married her. Do you really think that all the sexless marriages started when guys were dating.Of coarse not.You dated, You had a lot of good times,Maybe a lot of good sex,Then things change.You are so right about my question. No it would not work and I would never suggest the idea. But I do find it a shame when a LD person change's in marriage. And the HD partner has to live with it.If there is a reason for it fine work it out. From what I see most LD people will not ever be truthful or even know what the hell is wrong anyways with them or the relationship.Some one us will never know the reason why ??? But we are expected to live with it. Its just a shame when one person does not enjoy sex and expects the other to adjust their life to it. How simple is it to take care of your man?? You hear so many women complaining about it does not last very long. When do you think you could play the drums very well if you never practiced. So sorry for starting this thread. I so feel the whole lack of sex and affection in marriage is hopeless . Nobody is changing . And this is the card you got in life ??
 

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I don't think anyone is trying to blame you. They are just trying to understand your situation better.

This topic is obviously a very sore spot for you. I don't envy your position in it at all. You are correct in that your options in dealing with this are very limited. But you still have the choice to do nothing and continue to feel this way or leave.
 

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i think this is rediculous.

if my spouse came to me and said i dont desire sex anymore, i would simply say, "funny, i wasnt feeling like talking or relating emotionally to you anymore"

i dont have to meet your needs but you have to meet mine? huh?:scratchhead:
 

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I'd be like "sure go find another women, but I'm going to go find another man to meet my needs then."
But that's not the scenario, which was that his wife never wanted sex again, presumably not with anyone, not just him. If that's NOT true, then she should be glad to offer a divorce, unless her lack of interest is because she's cheating on him.
 

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But that's not the scenario, which was that his wife never wanted sex again, presumably not with anyone, not just him. If that's NOT true, then she should be glad to offer a divorce, unless her lack of interest is because she's cheating on him.
Yes, but I have other needs besides sex that I need to have met. I'm just saying if my H felt like he needed to see someone else to have his needs met (whatever they may be) then I should be free to do the same.
 

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i think this is rediculous.

if my spouse came to me and said i dont desire sex anymore, i would simply say, "funny, i wasnt feeling like talking or relating emotionally to you anymore"

i dont have to meet your needs but you have to meet mine? huh?:scratchhead:
I think your idea is childish. If she were medically unable to have sex due to disablilty, would your response change? Actually, LD is a kind of medical issue, probably due to hormone imbalance, so in a way it's no different. You can stil be very much in love with a disabled spouse who can't participate sexually, and you can be very much in love with a LD spouse. However, in both cases you can also be frustrated and unhappy to the point where the issue could induce you to divorce them. Perhaps the better solution IS to get the sexual needs met elsewhere rather than destroy an otherwise great relationship with one problem which is no-one's fault.
 
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Yes, but I have other needs besides sex that I need to have met. I'm just saying if my H felt like he needed to see someone else to have his needs met (whatever they may be) then I should be free to do the same.
That could be negotiated. He gets his sexual needs satisfied elsewhere, you get a nonsexual need satisfied elsewhere - assuming he isn't able to do so.
 

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I think your idea is childish. If she were medically unable to have sex due to disablilty, would your response change? Actually, LD is a kind of medical issue, probably due to hormone imbalance, so in a way it's no different. You can stil be very much in love with a disabled spouse who can't participate sexually, and you can be very much in love with a LD spouse. However, in both cases you can also be frustrated and unhappy to the point where the issue could induce you to divorce them. Perhaps the better solution IS to get the sexual needs met elsewhere rather than destroy an otherwise great relationship with one problem which is no-one's fault.
childish? NOWHERE did you state some sort of health of disability issue. you stated LD or LOW DESIRE. you also stated

There has always been tension and resentment about sex.
yet, you then changed your story saying it was good in the begining.

so which one is it? i dont play the game when the rules change during it.

i stand by what i said, if i married someone who was fine with sex only later to turn out to be LD, then i would find that as disengenous.

i have friends whoose wives CLAIMED to love football when they dated. now of course, after being married, they want nothing to do with it. is this any different? can it be blaimed on a disability? gag.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
I don't think anyone is trying to blame you. They are just trying to understand your situation better.

This topic is obviously a very sore spot for you. I don't envy your position in it at all. You are correct in that your options in dealing with this are very limited. But you still have the choice to do nothing and continue to feel this way or leave.
Thank You Trace,I so admire where you come from Girl ?? This is not an easy fix.The problem is bigger than life it self. I will hear from the board by saying this but. I am a man I do alot of asking other men, Mostly friends I would have to say that are in the same boat as I. I bet 80 % of married men do not have a well balanced sex life.And there is not one thing we can do about except leave the marriage.If you don't want to upset the apple cart that's the way it is. The shame is my wife does not require sex to be fulfill in life, She does not need touch,held,kissed,But I love her and always will. At times I say to myself is it worth throwing it all away for sex. Not really. But the funny thing is she loves me. But that does not make her horny for me. I truly believe she is Asexual and there is no cure.
 

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Thank You Trace,I so admire where you come from Girl ?? This is not an easy fix.The problem is bigger than life it self. I will hear from the board by saying this but. I am a man I do alot of asking other men, Mostly friends I would have to say that are in the same boat as I. I bet 80 % of married men do not have a well balanced sex life.And there is not one thing we can do about except leave the marriage.If you don't want to upset the apple cart that's the way it is. The shame is my wife does not require sex to be fulfill in life, She does not need touch,held,kissed,But I love her and always will. At times I say to myself is it worth throwing it all away for sex. Not really. But the funny thing is she loves me. But that does not make her horny for me. I truly believe she is Asexual and there is no cure.
No there is not a cure. But, in a healthy marriage she should work on meeting your needs not because she has to, but, because she loves you and wants to.

I don't like listening to my H talk about his day (I have no clue what he is talking about, so it is rather boring) but I do it, and I do it happily and lovingly because it is important for him to feel heard and respected.

If your wife is not even willing to consider your needs, there are larger issues in play than just a lack of sex IMO.
 
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