Ladies , which one do you prefer and why?

9026 Views 93 Replies 41 Participants Last post by Caribbean Man, Nov 13, 2012

Caribbean Man

Discussion Starter · Oct 12, 2012 (Edited)

If you had to choose between a;

1] Fulfilling Career , that puts you on top of your game . One that you have always dreamed of.

Or,

2] Falling in love with the man of your dreams, a romance that leads you a fulfilling Marriage / love life, and gives you a family you have always dreamed of.

And why?

The assumption behind the question is that you can't have both , probably because of a give circumstance at a particular point and time.

I just thought that I would ask because I've heard so many women talk about it.

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Mavash.

· #2 · Oct 12, 2012 (Edited)

I'm one of the lucky ones in that I was able to have both....just not at the same time. LOL

I married the man of my dreams but still pursued my fulfilling career. For 10 years that worked but then I found it lacking so I then started my family and became a homemaker.

Sadly the great romance didn't happen until after I gave up the career. I was just too busy before to give my marriage the time it needed.

I'm happier with the family, great romance and the man of my dreams but I have no regrets. I'm glad I got to experience both in my lifetime. Besides I can't go back anyway so no point dwelling on it.

But to answer your question I chose #2.

Reactions: 3

EnjoliWoman

· #3 · Oct 12, 2012

I think if I said career I'd always have a nagging empty spot in my life.

I'd like to think I can have both... sort of - it's not a career I dreamed of but it is fulfilling and I feel on top of my game. I already have my family (daughter) - now I just need the right 2nd husband and I'll feel like I have it all.

Can't wait for him to get back from business trip!

Caribbean Man

Discussion Starter · #4 · Oct 12, 2012

Mavash. said:
Sadly the great romance didn't happen until after I gave up the career. I was just too busy before to give my marriage the time it needed. My chosen career was demanding and time consuming. I traveled a lot and it took a lot of hours to be on top of my game.
.

^^^^^^^^^
This is the exact reason I asked the question.
I have lots of professional , career oriented female friends. Criminal Lawyers , Managers , Regional Directors for large corporations etc.
They all tell me the same thing.
Their love lives suck big time.
Most of them are divorced.

Reactions: 2

Mavash.

· #5 · Oct 12, 2012

Caribbean Man said:
^^^^^^^^^
This is the exact reason I asked the question.
I have lots of professional , career oriented female friends. Criminal Lawyers , Managers , Regional Directors for large corporations etc.
They all tell me the same thing.
Their love lives suck big time.
Most of them are divorced.

Exactly. I'm a CPA and another issue with this is when you work in male dominated fields it's hard to turn that off when you get home. My husband wasn't all that attracted to my work persona. Oh sure it was cool at first but after a while it got old. He's a traditional guy who prefers being the man of the house. In my heyday that was me. Our lives revolved around my career - a total role reversal and my husband hated it.

EnjoliWoman

· #6 · Oct 12, 2012

Yeah, I figured that was where it was going. My career came after my marriage but I'm happy putting it on hold and maintaining status quo. I don't work more than 40 and travel very little at least.

I think to make both work you have to hire help where you can (housekeeper, nanny) and be very good with time management and know when to turn off the phone/laptop and focus on your mate.

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Soifon

· #7 · Oct 12, 2012

#2

I don't believe in work being your life. I work to support my life but it isn't my life. That's just me though, I'm not the type to jump at the chance to work late or bring work home. I do what I need to do and then get back to my life which is my friends and family. Granted I may not be rich or have a distinguished career but I'm very happy with where I am. Yeah I'd love to have some huge home or a fancy car but my townhouse and my mazda work just fine for me. I have a regular 9-5 type job that pays my bills and lets me live comfortably. When my work day ends I am eager to get out the door and get home to see my kids and my SO. I couldn't imagine losing any time with them thinking about work.

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Caribbean Man

Discussion Starter · #8 · Oct 12, 2012

Soifon said:
#2

I don't believe in work being your life. I work to support my life but it isn't my life. That's just me though, I'm not the type to jump at the chance to work late or bring work home. I do what I need to do and then get back to my life which is my friends and family. Granted I may not be rich or have a distinguished career but I'm very happy with where I am. Yeah I'd love to have some huge home or a fancy car but my townhouse and my mazda work just fine for me. I have a regular 9-5 type job that pays my bills and lets me live comfortably. When my work day ends I am eager to get out the door and get home to see my kids and my SO. I couldn't imagine losing any time with them thinking about work.

^^^^^^^^^^^
Well it seems like you have found your perfect balance here.
I like your concept of work , happiness and life.
But,
There are some questions in the back of my mind.
Do you think that women who choose option #1 are less likely to enjoy the benefits of a good family life , beautiful ,emotional connection with their spouse and children?

Thanks for your response!

southern wife

· #9 · Oct 12, 2012

I'll pick door #2, Alex!

Reactions: 5

EnjoliWoman

· #10 · Oct 12, 2012

Do you think that women who choose option #1 are less likely to enjoy the benefits of a good family life , beautiful ,emotional connection with their spouse and children?

I do not think they cannot be had at the same time; however, I think it requires a very conscious effort and a high level of personal awareness to be in tune with your husband and children.

Men are better at compartmentalizing which I think lends itself better to accomplishing both. I think women have to work harder at it - to put aside work.

My "symbolic" end of day is the glass of wine I have while cooking dinner. It seems to delineate work life and home life - I put down my briefcase, kick off my heels and pour a glass of wine and can almost feel a physical response - a shifting of internal gears of sorts. Now I'm in "home" mode.

ScarletBegonias

· #11 · Oct 12, 2012

Caribbean Man said:
If you had to choose between a;

1] Fulfilling Career , that puts you on top of your game . One that you have always dreamed of.

Or,

2] Falling in love with the man of your dreams, a romance that leads you a fulfilling Marriage / love life, and gives you a family you have always dreamed of.

And why?

The assumption behind the question is that you can't have both , probably because of a give circumstance at a particular point and time.

I just thought that I would ask because I've heard so many women talk about it.

I never dreamed of having a family or that kind of life. I dreamed of having a great career,time to devote to animal rescue,and a great man to stand with me and live a happy life.
Nothing else required to make me happy.I'm not big into the family life. Just my man,my dogs,and my career.

Soifon

· #12 · Oct 12, 2012

Caribbean Man said:
^^^^^^^^^^^
Well it seems like you have found your perfect balance here.
I like your concept of work , happiness and life.
But,
There are some questions in the back of my mind.
Do you think that women who choose option #1 are less likely to enjoy the benefits of a good family life , beautiful ,emotional connection with their spouse and children?

Thanks for your response!

I think it is less likely but not impossible. Out of the female friends I do know the ones that are actively pursuing careers either have no children or are away from their families A LOT. They all seem happy and they are all married. One of them though her marriage I think isn't going to last but it has nothing to do with her career.

So I guess it is possible to find love and have a great relationship with someone but where kids are concerned I think it would be much more difficult.

Reactions: 1

Caribbean Man

Discussion Starter · #13 · Oct 12, 2012

southern wife said:
I'll pick door #2, Alex!

This " Alex " fellow sounds like one, lucky dude!

Reactions: 1

norajane

· #14 · Oct 12, 2012

Caribbean Man said:
^^^^^^^^^^^
Well it seems like you have found your perfect balance here.
I like your concept of work , happiness and life.
But,
There are some questions in the back of my mind.
Do you think that women who choose option #1 are less likely to enjoy the benefits of a good family life , beautiful ,emotional connection with their spouse and children?

Thanks for your response!

For the last 5 years, I've been working at a software company with a hard-core sales culture, and for 10 years before that in a consulting firm. There are indeed a lot more men than women in those roles because of the demanding nature of the jobs, plus the travel.

However, virtually all of the women that I know and am friendly with at work are married with children, and yes, they are happy and fulfilled. I think it is harder for them to squeeze everything into their lives, but they are emotionally connected to their families and somehow manage the time constraints. Granted, these women are older at this point, so their kids are all in school...I can't speak to what they experienced when their kids were babies.

Coming from another perspective, my family are all immigrants, and my parents' generation all work or worked in blue collar jobs, both men and women. These weren't "careers" but necessary jobs to help keep their families in house and home. I think they derived even more joy and fulfillment and connection from their families because their jobs offered very few benefits other than income and health insurance.

Women work for all kinds of reasons, including intellectual fulfillment and self-determination. I think the kind of emotional fulfillment they attain with their families has a lot more to do with their personal views of what family means to them and how important it is, rather than the careers dictating the place their families hold in their lives.

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Caribbean Man

Discussion Starter · #15 · Oct 12, 2012

ScarletBegonias said:
I never dreamed of having a family or that kind of life. I dreamed of having a great career,time to devote to animal rescue,and a great man to stand with me and live a happy life.
Nothing else required to make me happy.I'm not big into the family life. Just my man,my dogs,and my career.

Are you saying that you have never dreamed of rubbing noses with a cute ,little, baby " Scarlet Begonia " while she coos
" Owh , owwwwwh? "

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ScarletBegonias

· #16 · Oct 12, 2012

Caribbean Man said:
Are you saying that you have never dreamed of rubbing noses with a cute ,little, baby " Scarlet Begonia " while she coos
" Owh , owwwwwh? "

Yes I'm saying I never dreamed of that.never had that urge.

i got pregnant when i was young and stupid but it wasn't what I wanted or dreamed about.

he gets hugs and kisses from me,we have an odd relationship bc of my lack of mommy instincts.

he's a good boy.he's affectionate,warm,and happy so i guess i did something right.

Reactions: 3

Hope1964

· #17 · Oct 12, 2012

I choose #2.

Jane_Doe

· #18 · Oct 12, 2012

I work in retail, so I'm probably never going to feel the need to put 'career' before family/husband. If I had the kind of job that had perks such as 'sitting down' and 'health benefits' I'd feel more motivated to give it my all (work late, take on extra chores at work, etc.) but right now I prefer leaving some gas in the tank for when I get home.

Soifon

· #19 · Oct 12, 2012

ScarletBegonias said:
Yes I'm saying I never dreamed of that.never had that urge.

I agree. I have two children, one is still an infant the other is 5. I have never fawned over babies and don't really enjoy it but I do love kids and enjoy a family life. Not everyone likes the same things and there is no rule that all women must like babies and children. I completely understand how some don't choose that path.

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Caribbean Man

Discussion Starter · #20 · Oct 12, 2012

norajane said:
Coming from another perspective, my family are all immigrants, and my parents' generation all work or worked in blue collar jobs, both men and women. These weren't "careers" but necessary jobs to help keep their families in house and home. I think they derived even more joy and fulfillment and connection from their families because their jobs offered very few benefits other than income and health insurance.

^^^^^^^^^
This right here is the basis for another question in my mind.
Undoubtedly, men have it a lot easier than women with respect to career and family.
A married woman with a family, who wants to rise to the top in her career HAS to make tremendous sacrifices.
Many times she sacrifices her career, to support her family.
The converse however is not true.
Men are expected to rise to the top of their careers and their wives and families are expected to support them.

With women, its seems to be the other way around.

The question is why?

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