Ok so, I stumbled upon this site while in a 6 month seperation from my husband of 2 years at that time. I needed to communicate with people dealing with similar situations. I have gotten a lot of great advice and at the end of the day I did what ultimately made me happy. He disrespected our marriage by cheating and bitter and hurt I set out to even the score which had me so guilty I had to confess it was what I thought was the end of him and I, Fast forward a year 1/2 later and we have now been back together for almost 9 months.
It was difficult at first but we are really doing it and even better this time then before. (so I thought) 7 years ago I bought my husbands phone, I have always had internet access to his usage logs. Since we got back together to satisfy my curiosity I started checking them and I found that number of the woman he cheated with and was with during our seperation. No phone calls all texts. I couldn't hold it in any longer I had to confront him he said she never stopped texing him once we got back together and he was chosing to ignore her since he was unwilling to change his number because so many distant relatives have the number. I checked the log again and it was 99% incoming but one or 2 outgoing so I confronted him on that. He brought to my attention the few times I have gotten a single text he sent 4 sometimes 5 times back to back he says he only sent one telling her that it was really over and other texts must have been like those glitch texts.
I didn't push any further becasue other then those text messages I had no reason to believe my husband was cheating. He is home all the time outside of work and on his days off he goes fishing and invites me every time. Since getting back together we have moved an hour away from our old neighborhood and currently his license is under suspension so there is no possible way he is making that commute to rekindle that affair.
Well ok again yesterday I went on the website and checked his usage and again many, many text messages from her over the last month and about 6 outgoing from him. I spent the entire night last night in solitude even though he was right next to me in bed. I don't think I uttered one word to him last night because I am at a lost for words... What could he possibly have to say to her besides leave me the **** alone I am back with my wife and I love her. I think he is thinking in his small ass mind its ok to text as long as there is no sex but he is sooooooooo wrong because the texting is how the sex started to begin with. This is the same trifling home wrecking ***** who had us on our way to divorce court, I feel utterly disrespected. Am I wrong in feeling there should be absolutely no communication between my husband and this woman.
Again I dread going home becasue I have to get this off my chest tonight. I am such a good wife to this man aside from the petty behavior I exhibited before our seperation when I thought the best way to make myself feel better after being cheated on was to pay him back in the same manner. I have grown so much since this thing happened I would never stoop that low again. I'd rather spend eternity alone then laying beside a man at night who has no respect for the commitments he made. The hardest part of this is that he now knows that I have access to his cell usage so what does it mean that knowing this he still has made the choice to text back.
Either he stops or I have to go and this time for good. I deserve better. I can't wait to hear this explaination.
Did he send her a No Contact text/email and let you see it?
If he didn't, he needs to.
Then, if she makes contact again, advise you will file a police report for any further contact.
If she's married, reach out to her husband and advise what you're seeing.
if I were in your shoes, i wouldn't take this for one more day. You're obsessing, for good reason, and checking the phone logs, and it just confirms your suspicions month after month after month - he's still in touch with the woman he cheated on you with. He doesn't give a damn about your feelings because if he did, he'd end the relationship that caused such damage to your marriage. he knows it bothers you that he is still in touch with her, but not enough to stop his horrible behavior. boy - he really likes to rub his affair in your face. he's not receiving texts from his cousin, or mom, or friends, it's from his LOVER FOR GOD'S SAKE!!! and if he can't see how detrimental this is to your marriage then he just doesn't give a hoot about your vows. he is not honest with you. by not cutting it off, he has not fully re-committed to your marriage.
And why did he get his license suspended anyway? DWI? too many tickets? so you have to drive him everywhere? does he have a job? how does he get there? Is this a guy worth keeping?
@ Islandgirl3 yeah we certainly did have it out last night, yea it is DWI after 6 months of seperation I called and announced it was time for us to start divorcce proceedings and I guess that kind of took him over the edge and after several hours throwing back shots in a bar he choses that moment to drive from north jersey to south jersey to fight for his marriage, not a good idea under the influence. He was smart enough to realize after a minute of driving he had to much to be driving and pulled over to rest and thats when a police officer pulled up to his vehicle and took him in for DWI, and yes he does have a job he is very fortunate to work only 10 minutes from where we live so he takes a cab back and forth.
To answer you question is he worth keeping well this is where he must prove that he is...... the question is will he and yes I made it very clear until he proves himself the snooping is not stopping all I need to do is see that number just one time on his call log and I am done. I will not waist one more precious year of my life on a man who is not worthy......
good. i'm glad you had it out with him. he can be sneaky, though, and maybe find ways to delete that # from the logs (have no clue how) and she can call/text from another #.
glad you won't waste another year, but another year? how about you won't waste another month? and i'd be real real nervous about a guy who would cheat once so early in a marriage. doesn't bode well for how he'll deal with the challenges of marriage in the future.
i'm not so sure about the DWI story either. sorry to be so doubtful of your husband, but once someone lies, there's not much out of their mouth that I'd be sure is 100% true. Is it still called DWI if you're not actually driving? I bet he WAS driving and was pulled over and not that he pulled himself over.
His CONSTANT contact with his affair partner is abusive to you and disrespectful to your marriage.
You are being snowed.
I am sorry, but marriages that recover tend to have spouses that go "over and above" to eradicate stressors and have precautions that will not allow other spouse to be continually hurt.
Your husband is either unbeleiveably stupid, (which I do not think) or still getting emothional highs off this OW. His continuing to text her is terrible, and I think you know that.
It sounds like he is unwilling to change. How do you feel about that?
I am so sorry that you have to have this go on. Recovery is very hard with a recantent spouse.....
I would not have, for one day, a spouse talking to his AP during my marriage.
Men have a tough time with long explanations and emotions. I would simply ask him to change his text number. He obviously can tell family members (but not the woman) the new number. I'd calmly say that having continued communications with her is unacceptable.