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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ladies,

My marriage sucks and its my fault so I need to start

1. dating my wife
2. chatting her up in the kitchen where she is when I get home
3. helping her more with stuff
4. being a man of action taking care of business
5. telling her what I want more directly
6. asking her what she wants more directly
7. saying no instead of being passive aggressive
8. saying yes and making the best of things she likes to do
9. giving a **** about her to talk about it and support it

What am I missing?
 

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Ladies,

My marriage sucks and its my fault so I need to start

1. dating my wife
2. chatting her up in the kitchen where she is when I get home
3. helping her more with stuff
4. being a man of action taking care of business
5. telling her what I want more directly
6. asking her what she wants more directly
7. saying no instead of being passive aggressive
8. saying yes and making the best of things she likes to do
9. giving a **** about her to talk about it and support it

What am I missing?
Could probably sum all of those up into "not taking her for granted" category.


Do spontaneous things, surprise her, compliment her...those small gestures will go a long way.
 
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Ladies,

My marriage sucks and its my fault so I need to start

1. dating my wife
2. chatting her up in the kitchen where she is when I get home
3. helping her more with stuff
4. being a man of action taking care of business
5. telling her what I want more directly
6. asking her what she wants more directly
7. saying no instead of being passive aggressive
8. saying yes and making the best of things she likes to do
9. giving a **** about her to talk about it and support it

What am I missing?
Well, you came to the right place to ask that question....these TAM ladies will set you straight for sure! :D:D:D
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Could probably sum all of those up into "not taking her for granted" category.
Definitely. This is my crime. I have fixed several times before but always back slide. I have not been able to stop. When I reengage, she reignites. I want to be consistent and not back slide again.

Do spontaneous things, surprise her, compliment her...those small gestures will go a long way.
She loves text during the day but I am afraid it will become too predictable aka "unspecial" if I do it too much. She also says she loves me to bring her her facvorite candy bar, potato chips or a cool book mark or pen. I like to be original so I got her some fuzzy toe socks.

Work on marriage building books with her. His Needs Her Needs and 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work are two excellent ones.

Find out her love language and start speaking it
The Five Love Languages
She seems like she speaks all five languages and then some LOL.

I think I need a checklist taped on my truck dashbaord but my staff will bust my balls LOL. I commute about an hour every day and when I get home I break the rules of marriage instead of do the deed and engage in attention, affection and appreciation.

I need to stop and get something for her.

Ive been so lazy. I wish I could get a redo but I jsut have to buckle down and learn all five langugages at once. She is so fluent in all those languages. LOL

Sounds exhausting but not as exhausting as an unsatisfying marraige. I have to pick my poison. Easy choice I guess.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
do you walk in, grab her, push her up against the wall and HAVE her right then and there?
I have. She said she likes it when I pull her hair and kiss her. I also love her azz so I frequently cop a feel. especially when shopping.

She would **** a golden rainbow unicorn though if I showed up with something thoughtful after work twice a week. I am drawing a blank on ideas and dont want to junk up the house with too much crap. Any ideas what would make you smile? She likes fuzzy, cute, pink, delicious, funny, wild for starters.

We have a fuzzy dog, cat and hamster. She is an animal lover.

I also need to turn off the computer, stop watching news, PLAN dates, finish some stuff I started like the kitchen remodel trim and putting away the A/C units in the hall way.

What fo you think of coupons for massages, honeydos, oil change?

Any other ideas?

Unpredictable date ideas?

I joined a few meetups so we can meet new couples. She will like that. Our social life could use some new people whose predictability is less well known. LOL
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Question: What does SHE do to make your marriage better?
Not enough but I think I have caused it by neglect

She is solid on this list

Amazing meals
Great mom
Thoughtful texts
Very courteous about keeping me informed in her loop
Thoughtful gifts like favorite candybar, cool keychain, new fat pens that I like, drinks, treats for the dog and me playing fetch, joke books, etc
Takes care of things with daughter, animals, cars, house, bills, food, very reliable
Plans and schedules fun friends and family stuff
Has amazing reltiuonship with my parents and helps with their biz
Takes good car of herself which I find very sexy
Responsible with our marital assets
Gets undressed in front of me which I love
Takes care of my sexual needs somewhat even if she isnt in the mood


Also

Sometimes initiates intimacy in assertive way
Tries to break through my distractions

room for improvement

Understanding what I like and comitting to more of it
getting my attention with a 2x4 when she feels left out or blown off
Making an effort with some of my interests
Honoring some of my requests like being more direct and using last names when she talks about people I dont know that well
Asking for what she wants
Asking again for things I forgot or leavng a note
Writing things down
Mix up the sex more
Plan more dates
realize my daughter tries to monopolize her time squeezing me out
 

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No secret formula. We really just want to know you think about us a lot and show that we mean a lot to the men in our lives. Everyone is different as to how they show it.

If you want a hot evening, leave with a hot kiss, send a hot text in the middle of the day, tease her by coping a gentle feel in a naughty way and tell her 'later' with a wink. Foreplay all day on occasion is good.

Non-cluttery things:
Leave a little note where you know she'll find it
Random text like "I love your ass and I'm thinking about it right now!"
Random compliment like "You make me so proud to have you as a wife when you are nice to my parents."
Or when you see her distracted or overly busy just pitch in.

If you get into the mind set of "What can I do to show her I love her and to be a good husband today by making her day better?" then it will become habit.
 

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Is your wife the type who prefers subtle displays of affection? Or does she want to see you actively trying to meet her needs?
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
If you get into the mind set of "What can I do to show her I love her and to be a good husband today by making her day better?" then it will become habit.
This is my new approach because of the back sliding in the past. When our marriage is good its great and I seem to set the tone. I think she gauges me and reacts. If im not engaged she backs off. I would rather she hit with a brick but she wont.

I need to wake up ready to rock her. I also need to reenter the house after work with a plan to give her a lift instead of blowing her off. Onj occassion I need to bring home something (little trinkety gifts, milk, oog food) so she knows Im paying attentionm give a **** and am a team player.

Is your wife the type who prefers subtle displays of affection? Or does she want to see you actively trying to meet her needs?
She likes it when Im a total package. I have been told many times I turn charm on and off like a switch. I need to keep it on when with my wife and at home when I am too often concentrating on something. When she enters the room I need to stop working and start flirting and beinghelpful. She eats up the flirting and we both have dirty minds. When I am kidding her and making her laugh and teasing and being supportive and helpful without being a pansy, we are at our best and she jumps me most then.
 

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I love your list! Would add perfum to the lost of gifts and suggest that you shop once and pic up a bunch to keep in your office. Grab one on your way out.

My H and I are dealing with back sliding too. The subtle signals we had agreed upon, in order to draw attention to back sliding, have been over looked lately. But works been a Bytch so he's super tired and stressed.

I got a new ironing board when H came home yesterday! I'm a lucky girl I am!

I particularly like Dollystanfords question/suggestion.
 

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I asked my wife what things she likes. I actually wrote it down.

So...last Christmas, I got her some Shishado make up, some beautiful blank greeting cards from Thailand with pressed flowers on the front (we never have the right greeting card so these look wonderful and can be used for anything) and in an off the cuff moment, a $20 Channel knock off tee shirt.

She likes Channel. It was on her list.

She LIT UP when she got that stupid frigging tee shirt! She GUSHED about that stupid frigging tee shirt.

So that stupid frigging tee shirt wasn't so stupid. I wish I was brave enough to have gotten her a knock off Channel bag but women are very selective about their handbags. I asked what she likes but she didn't want a knock off. But I'm betting she wasn't being completely honest...at least with herself.
 

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How about bath gels that you pick yourself....something slightly better than the standard high street brands (but not too expensive)
Advantages
They are not too expensive
It is probably good enough to appear like a proper gift
When you hand pick it, its special for her (bath gels my husband picks for me are always special to me even if the flavours are not really my kind lol)
Its not like a trinket that would just pile up in the house as it needs to be used up
Its a proper mix of assertive alpha and beta (where you are caring for her needs and yet showing you'd like her to use something you want)
You can compliment her when she's used it - maybe moving her hair and running your nose along her neck as you say 'You smell lovely...that's exactly why I got abc for you' (Two love languages taken care of here)
Its something you can buy twice a month - one less 'gift' to worry about

also, hand picked things will be of greater value with your woman (if she's genuine and not really materialistic) -> e.g. hand picked flowers from the garden instead of an expensive bouquet, hand written notes instead of a card etc etc -
 

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My husband sends me at least one txt a day to say "good morning" or "I love you" and it never gets old. I am a stay at home Mom and there are a lot of days that I feel like the unpaid housekeeper instead of a wife. It also means a lot when my husband gets me flowers. Flowers never get old. It is nice when he puts his phone down and turns down the TV and just talks to me. He is the only adult that I come into contact with on a day to day basis.
There is not a magic formula to a healthy loving marriage. Just constantly show your wife that you are interested in her. If you have trouble remembering...set reminders in your phone. Maybe get her a gift certificate to get her hair done or a mani/pedi. I know there are times when I am knee deep in toddler toys and dirty diapers I don't feel much like a woman...let alone an attractive woman. This will give her a chance to take some time to herself. Hope this helps...
 

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Basically, whatever is important her, take that seriously. I'm a romantic girl, so lots of affection goes a long way with me. Love letters, cuddling, lots of kisses throughout the day. One thing my husband still hasn't learned is how to vocalize his feelings when we're together. He can put them in a text message, but saying them to me isn't something he does well, unless I coax it out of them. But then it doesn't mean as much.
 

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Well, from a males perspective remember al those things you did to get her in the beginning from your relationship.Think back
and start doing those again.Listen!! to her,laugh with her and spend time doing little things even house chores with her.
When was the last time you took her out to dinner?Rubbed her feet after work? or gave her a back massage.She sounds like a great lady and wife.Just surprise her and make plans,I"m
sure she will be surprised and happy.
 
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