Ladies - Men On Low Incomes

19057 Views 134 Replies 58 Participants Last post by arbitrator, Nov 2, 2012

braveheart2009

Discussion Starter · Oct 10, 2012

Ladies if you find the perfect guy, however you found out he had a low to medium sized income and hoped to increase this after marriage would this be acceptable?

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Pseudonymousse

· #2 · Oct 10, 2012

I think if he's a good guy, educated, motivated to improve his status quo, if he's independent, good spending habits, isn't in debt, etc... well I am a bit hesitant to say yes to marrying him. After reading all of the posts and complaints in the Financial Problems forum, it is pretty daunting to marry someone you know isn't in the best financial position. Marriage is (or at least it should be!) a very serious commitment. You're in it for life. You don't want to enter into it lightly. Don't rush into it. If there's a rush, then that should be a warning signal that everything might not be what it seems.

Btw how does he hope to increase his income after getting married? What's stopping him from increasing it now before getting married?

bribrius

· #3 · Oct 10, 2012

how come most of us guys dont concern ourselves with our wives income no where near as much as women seem to revolve their attentions around their husbands incomes. Is this still the 1950's?

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Airbus

· #4 · Oct 10, 2012

Income has never been a factor in my dating life; of course, I draw the line at men who still live at home with their parents and have no job.

Seriously, though, not everyone is all that hung up on the dollar signs.

Why do you ask? Feel like sharing?

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jfv

· #5 · Oct 10, 2012

I think its just as much about ambition as it is about your bank account. Most women I know find ambiton very attractive in men. Not as much the other way around. In my experience.

bluelaser

· #6 · Oct 10, 2012

braveheart2009 said:
Ladies if you find the perfect guy, however you found out he had a low to medium sized income and hoped to increase this after marriage would this be acceptable?

Let me reverse the question. If a woman did marry you accepting your "promise" of increasing your income after you guys got married but after a few years of marriage decided to leave you because you were unable to keep your "promise"· Would such a woman be acceptable to you?
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bluelaser

· #7 · Oct 10, 2012

bribrius said:
Is this still the 1950's?

Yes but only when it comes to the guy having to be the primary (& sometimes only) breadwinner.

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HopelesslyJaded

· #8 · Oct 10, 2012

bluelaser said:
Yes but only when it comes to the guy having to be the primary (& sometimes only) breadwinner.
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Don't let bribrius fool you. He has a 1950s submissive housewife.

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anotherguy

· #9 · Oct 10, 2012 (Edited)

Funny.

When my wife and I met.. I was just out of school. Basically poor with only mediocre prospects. We hit it off big and there was never any doubt in my mind that she thought I was the cats pajamas... that I was 'the one'. Frankly - i was a little stunned at her belief in me.

Fast forward 25 years. We are doing unusually well financially - but that doesnt matter. What matters to me is the deep understanding that she loved me, from the start, for who I was. That is a pretty humbling thing - make no mistake. See if I fail - lets say I totally hose my career.. I dont know...somehow - something bad... and I'll be flipping burgers from now on if Im lucky. I'm pretty confident that she is going to be right there with me. See the difference?

Sappy, perhaps. Also lucky. It doesnt always work out that way for everyone. But my point is that when I see this particular calculus being considered - it makes me a little sad for the person doing it. Like they are missing out on something rather important, and I bet I'm right.

If I was young again and poor, and 'the perfect guy' whatever that means... and I even got a whif of this from a woman... I would be gone so fast your head would spin.

but of course - the question was for the ladies....

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costa200

· #10 · Oct 10, 2012

bribrius said:
how come most of us guys dont concern ourselves with our wives income no where near as much as women seem to revolve their attentions around their husbands incomes. Is this still the 1950's?

Women's capital is not monetary. It's in physical beauty and motherhood suitability.

Jane_Doe

· #11 · Oct 10, 2012

I married a guy who worked one day a week and was in debt because I love him and knew we'd work hard together for our own future, not because I thought he'd 'provide' for me. I didn't care if we had to live in a studio apartment with a burning barrel in the middle of the room for warmth as long as we were together (and it almost came to that!)

A year later, he's paid his dues where he works, now he's earning almost double the 'average' income for our area and we're doing pretty well, considering we started with less than nothing.

But he didn't have to lure me to marry him with promises of earning more in the future. A woman who loves you will live with you on a smaller income just as happily as with a larger one.

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Ikaika

· #12 · Oct 10, 2012

Similar to anotherguy we were both in graduate school... so we started out poor. Essentially the apartment we lived in was the same size as our master bedroom. Don't know why she would have married me since the joke of my profession now was the same back then. "What is the difference between a <my profession> and a large pizza?" "A large pizza can feed a family of four." Anyway we both make the same income now, and can't complain our only debt is our mortgage which will be paid off in the next five years.

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anotherguy

· #13 · Oct 10, 2012

costa200 said:
Women's capital is not monetary. It's in physical beauty and motherhood suitability.

No, sorry. That isn't my calculation.
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costa200

· #14 · Oct 10, 2012

anotherguy said:
No, sorry. That isn't my calculation.
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I never said everyone was after capital. Just that capital differs according to gender.

Cosmos

· #15 · Oct 10, 2012

Provided a man is educated, intelligent and motivated, I couldn't care less what his income is. Gone are the days when a man was expected to be the sole bread-winner.

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jfv

· #16 · Oct 10, 2012

Cosmos said:
Provided a man is educated, intelligent and motivated, I couldn't care less what his income is. Gone are the days when a man was expected to be the sole bread-winner.

Motivated to do what?

Dollystanford

· #17 · Oct 10, 2012

As long as someone has a work ethic I couldn't give a toss what they earn.

Whether it bothers the man that I'm likely to earn more...well that's another story isn't it

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bribrius

· #18 · Oct 11, 2012

im going to have to make my wife go to work and support me once our youngest is of age. If she doesnt make enough to support me and make us well off i think im going to have to find a new wife. i want to have a wife with a good income that will support me and give me a good lifestyle.

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Moiraine

· #19 · Oct 11, 2012

Well I'm the completely opposite of this post then. I'm the wife. In our marriage, I'm the one who will be making the bulk of our income. My husband lacks the education for any high income jobs. His dream is to be a farmer. I completely support his dream. My dream is to make enough so that we can live comfortably. So this is why I'm working hard to make that happen.

He's never going to be ambitious enough to make any significant amount of income for us. I completely accept that. If I didn't accept that I would imagine I'll have to head on over to the Considering Divorce or Separation area of this forum

unbelievable

· #20 · Oct 11, 2012

The transaction is and always has been mostly one of sex and nurturing in exchange for security. Before I catch tons of grief, I concede there are some exceptions just like there are a few examples of fowl that don't fly.

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