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I really need the perspective of women on this. I have been married 15 years. I love my DW so much. I love PIV as she does. We are very active for our age. I orgasm every time, but she doesn't. Although she clearly enjoys our PIV encounters, it bothers me that she doesn't orgasm. Perhaps I shouldn't be concerned, but I love her so much that I want to make her orgasm. I understand many women need more than PIV to orgasm and more orgasm with oral. So I really want to perform oral on her. I have asked repeatedly, but she has consistently declined. Sadly, I think her conservative catholic upbringing is getting in the way. Should I press the issue and ask her to let me please her or should I let her stay in her comfort zone? I lover her so much and it really bothers me that she will not let go and enjoy an orgasm.
 

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I really need the perspective of women on this. I have been married 15 years. I love my DW so much. I love PIV as she does. We are very active for our age. I orgasm every time, but she doesn't. Although she clearly enjoys our PIV encounters, it bothers me that she doesn't orgasm. Perhaps I shouldn't be concerned, but I love her so much that I want to make her orgasm. I understand many women need more than PIV to orgasm and more orgasm with oral. So I really want to perform oral on her. I have asked repeatedly, but she has consistently declined. Sadly, I think her conservative catholic upbringing is getting in the way. Should I press the issue and ask her to let me please her or should I let her stay in her comfort zone? I lover her so much and it really bothers me that she will not let go and enjoy an orgasm.
Just saying.... my religious upbringing (all the purity talk in the pew & youth groups) followed me right into marriage....had me thinking Oral was related to strippers, and Porn / Bad girls do that/ Bad boys do that... I was NOT comfortable with it ...

But my husband kept trying to go there.....it was terribly sensitive and the whole time... my mind was thinking...."Ewwe, how can he stand that...YUCK !"...I was worried about the taste, the smell, my mind was in complete overdrive...

All of this really is a "MINDSET"...

Today...I am totally free from this... and if he didn't want to go there, I would be angry :mad: !! That's darn good foreplay! And I am not one who even gets off that way ..

I believe had I read more secular books on sexuality in my youth & devoted myself to exploring ... I could have overcome this much sooner in marriage... but my mind was in other places and my husband ..he just kinda respected my wishes...... never pushing ... he'd keep trying on occasion.... I'd allow a little, then push him away... we just didn't talk about
... which was our #1 mistake.

Would she be willing to get some books on sexuality- and go from there... We were married for 19 yrs before I opened up like a flower for him to go gong ho... so there is always hope but she must be willing to 'Work with you"....explore a little....allow you....that is the 1st step...

Overcoming Reservations About Oral Sex « Christian Nymphos

Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage: (Christian book, the way it treats oral is beautiful - she may see another perspective here - to help her turn her thinking around, embrace it a little)
 

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I have to say I love the way it feels but sadly have never had an orgasm that way. I wind up feeling bad that my husband seems like he is down there forever. He says he doesn't mind and looks at it as a challenge. Maybe one day it will happen for me.
 

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I know lots of women love it, but, it does nothing for me.

I am not a prude. It just does nothing.

I orgasm other ways. No problem with that. At all. I am very orgasmic.

Maybe no man has had the skill who has tried. That could be it.
 

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Just saying.... my religious upbringing (all the purity talk in the pew & youth groups) followed me right into marriage....had me thinking Oral was related to strippers, and Porn / Bad girls do that/ Bad boys do that... I was NOT comfortable with it ...

But my husband kept trying to go there.....it was terribly sensitive and the whole time... my mind was thinking...."Ewwe, how can he stand that...YUCK !"...I was worried about the taste, the smell, my mind was in complete overdrive...

All of this really is a "MINDSET"...

Today...I am totally free from this... and if he didn't want to go there, I would be angry :mad: !! That's darn good foreplay! And I am not one who even gets off that way ..

I believe had I read more secular books on sexuality in my youth & devoted myself to exploring ... I could have overcome this much sooner in marriage... but my mind was in other places and my husband ..he just kinda respected my wishes...... never pushing ... he'd keep trying on occasion.... I'd allow a little, then push him away... we just didn't talk about
... which was our #1 mistake.

Would she be willing to get some books on sexuality- and go from there... We were married for 19 yrs before I opened up like a flower for him to go gong ho... so there is always hope but she must be willing to 'Work with you"....explore a little....allow you....that is the 1st step...

Overcoming Reservations About Oral Sex « Christian Nymphos

Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage: (Christian book, the way it treats oral is beautiful - she may see another perspective here - to help her turn her thinking around, embrace it a little)
:iagree: Once the mental hang ups are not an issue any more, this can be very enjoyable.

You may want to look up deep spot and David Shade. There is a video that you can watch for free that shows the deep spot. This can help women that don't normally O thru PIV to experience V O. Also g-spot stimulation is another possible tool if you are looking for more ways to pleasure her in the meantime.
 

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I love it and my h doesn't like doing it. Right now trying to figure out how to be ok without it. And then I have intensely realistic dreams about it so I can be more frustrated.
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Diwali, a close friend (male) once told me something I will never forget " there is nothing you wouldn't do for the one you love". I believe this to be true. Does he like to be sucked off? Don't know a man who doesn't. What if you told him you didn't like it and never did? Is that ok? I think not. I really feel for you because if my H didn't want to ever do that it may be a deal breaker for me!
 

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I don't like oral just because I feel insecure about someone else's face being down there. I guess it would be ok if I knew ahead of time so I could scrub like mad! LOL!
 
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He doesn't really get much out of me performing oral on him. He really likes PIV and hand jobs.
We went to MC last year because of that and his dwindling desire. We decided that if I took a shower before we have sex then if he is in the mood he will do it.
Except I get turned off by the thought that I have to take a full shower right before sex, not knowing if this is a waste or if he's going to feel like it tonight.
Last week I got upset because I really wanted it and I just shut down during sex. Then a few days later we were going to and I showered and he did this thing that bugs the crap out of me where if he knows I want it but he's not in the mood he tries to use his finger to simulate a tongue.
I told him nicely the next day to please not do that because it doesn't work. I asked him if he wanted a sexy kiss and I stuck my finger in his mouth, would it feel the same? He said he's sorry for letting me down.
When he does do it, I can just tell that he isn't into it at all.
When we were first together he told me he loved it and he used to do it quite often.
We went MC and its a long story but there are reasons why.
I'm to the point where I don't know what to do. There are no toys that come close to the feeling and I don't want a toy really.
I'm thinking about going to the MC by myself and ask her what I can do.
Divorce isn't an option.
I just can't get him to understand how important this is to me, without sounding like a whiny needy demanding b$tch and turning him off.
Other people aren't an option although I have thought about asking him what he would think if we brought in a third person to just do that. I don't think he would go for it.
I don't think retribution and with holding is the right approach.
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He doesn't really get much out of me performing oral on him. He really likes PIV and hand jobs.
We went to MC last year because of that and his dwindling desire. We decided that if I took a shower before we have sex then if he is in the mood he will do it.
Except I get turned off by the thought that I have to take a full shower right before sex, not knowing if this is a waste or if he's going to feel like it tonight.
Last week I got upset because I really wanted it and I just shut down during sex. Then a few days later we were going to and I showered and he did this thing that bugs the crap out of me where if he knows I want it but he's not in the mood he tries to use his finger to simulate a tongue.
I told him nicely the next day to please not do that because it doesn't work. I asked him if he wanted a sexy kiss and I stuck my finger in his mouth, would it feel the same? He said he's sorry for letting me down.
When he does do it, I can just tell that he isn't into it at all.
When we were first together he told me he loved it and he used to do it quite often.
We went MC and its a long story but there are reasons why.
I'm to the point where I don't know what to do. There are no toys that come close to the feeling and I don't want a toy really.
I'm thinking about going to the MC by myself and ask her what I can do.
Divorce isn't an option.
I just can't get him to understand how important this is to me, without sounding like a whiny needy demanding b$tch and turning him off.
Other people aren't an option although I have thought about asking him what he would think if we brought in a third person to just do that. I don't think he would go for it.
I don't think retribution and with holding is the right approach.
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So sorry your still in this rough spot. I am right there with you except no PIV either.....nothing. I love performing oral on her but she is completely indifferent even though I make it a point of performing until she climaxes. Just dont get it.

Dont get your husbands not wanting a BJ either. I just cant understand this any of this. I'm confused about a spouse who doesnt like foreplay.
 

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It's not that he doesn't like it, he just doesn't seem to prefer it. MC was surprised by it too. She said PIV is just his thing.
I'm just wondering what his response will be to me making the appointment. I hate this. I hate that I can't just be ok and it starts to make me crabby and resentful.
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It doesn't matter if he doesn't prefer, it is something that you really enjoy and there should be nothing he wouldn't do for you if he truly loves you!
 

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I was never into oral either my first two relationships didn't do anything for me. But than my husband came along and OH MY!! He is amazing. I can orgasm multiple times and each can feel different and even more wonderful. The man has MAD SKILLS! And I was also brought up Catholic and felt ackward about things so I remember the first time he was venturing down ward I was so nervous but that didn't last long and the O's were coming :smthumbup:
 

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Wow, I wonder what he does and could he tell my hub? I love when he goes down on me but I don't have an O, but have been very close a few times. And believe me he takes his time.
 

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Our MC told him he's good because not all men know what to do down there.
I don't want him to do something he isn't into. Part of the appeal is the guy completely accepting my body. When I know he's just doing it because he has to it doesn't feel as good. I just wish I knew what happened to turn him off it.
I just told him I want to go back to MC about it and he wasn't upset about it at all. I told him that I've been having dreams about it and he acted like he was sad but that's it.
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You make a very valid point! I certainly wouldn't want my husband going down if you really didn't like it. It would make me feel very self-conscious. But the question is can you live without it? I would just be really hung up on the fact that he would ever tell me that he didn't like it. In my opinion your husband never should've said that he doesn't like it he should have just done it because you want it! It's like telling a man that you hate to suck him off. If I didn't like it I would never tell him that and I would do it because he did like it! Does this make any sense?
 

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What happened was we had PIV one day and I took a full shower but his semen is quite pungent. Next day he went down and smelled his own semen.
Then after that he said something about how there was an odor. Yeah, from you.
So he started doing it less and less and we went six months after our wedding without it. I would try to talk to him and would just get "I don't feel like it" and a total shut down.
I felt like he had lied to me to get me into the marriage.
Like I said this is a long story.
He had only had one previous partner, his wife of fourteen years. They just didn't have sex much and she hardly ever O'd. He said their sex life was him trying to get her to O and if she didn't she got mad at him. She would go for months without wanting sex.
When we got together we had sex like crazy, it was like a sex bomb went off.

MC told me that she thinks he just had no idea what it was like to be with a woman who wanted it more often than him, who was assertive in bed, who had multiple Os. It's like going from zero to sixty I guess.
I used to think he did it on purpose to trick me but he isn't that type of person. And she said he seems to just want to please me. Makes no sense.
We did figure out that he has OCD tendencies, he started taking something for it and his tendencies have been minimized.
She thinks his experience with the semen affected him to the point where that's all he thinks about when he goes down.
And he knows if he gets down there and changes his mind sex is over because I'm going to be beyond pissed off. Which I will.
I don't know, maybe he needs to go to a hypnotherapist who specializes in OCD thoughts.
"you feel very sleepy, you will eat your wife out for an hour ever week, and you will love it."

Thing is in every other aspect our marriage is great. He treats me like a queen, cooks dinner almost every day. We have fun together, he is so supportive, he is so smart, so affectionate, knows how to fix things, and is a great dad. I almost feel guilty being upset about this because he spoils me.
This morning my daughter lost her inhaler and he could have stayed in bed. It was 6 am on a Sunday but he got up and helped me search her room without complaint or being asked.
He's cute and he smells good. Our sex life is great except for this. Dammit.
And I am overweight and he thinks I'm beautiful and still is attracted to me. I'm trying to get weight loss surgery, he has been very supportive of it. I know he'll be there for me after the surgery.
If anything I worry I'll get too thin for him because he tends to like bigger women.
So I just feel like why can't I enjoy the good and just not focus on what's missing.
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Okay I think you should definitely get him hypnosis! I like your idea. I do still think this is an issue that you should definitely try to tackle with the MC. Because at the end of the day it really is important if it is something that you love and makes you feel good and makes you feel more connected to him.
 

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Ha my IC is a hypnotherapist. She would totally do this. I just don't know if he would be into it. Lol
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