You gotta tell me more!! what were the clues?
My partner seems to be completely incapable of communicating. Still right now, in our little separation/spat, she still cannot communicate, only listen. I am about to bust out a whole case of daggers tonight because I am GD SICK of hearing "you are not acting like a man", "you are not mature", "i don't love you enough", "marriage will give me more security."
You proposed to her 3 years ago, asking her to marry you. Most women would believe that you actually already
wanted to marry them since you just proposed. They would also believe that you actually intend to marry them.
Three years later and you're still not married. I imagine she's feeling confused, frustrated, insecure, upset, and clearly angry that you asked her to marry you when it seems to her that you had no intention of actually doing so.
Her growing anxiety about this 3 year engagement is making her anxious, insecure and freaking pissed off that you continue to want her to audition for the role you already told her you wanted her to be in your life - your wife.
I'm not saying she's right to talk to you that way. But I think that's where she's coming from.
We have been engaged 3 yrs though in which I thought that engagement would have meant an instant change in her. NOTHING changed.
The only thing that will change if you marry her is that she will feel more secure and less anxious about you wanting to marry her. There is a lot of resentment built up over 3 years on her part, and distance on your part, and she thinks that if you just marry her like you asked her to do that she'd be able to relax and be more comfortable and closer to you. That's more a hope than a guarantee.
Every other problem you two have will still be there. The communication issues you have will still be there. And you will not get more love/sex than you're getting now. Nobody changes instantly, or hardly ever, unless they do it themselves by learning and reflecting and making an effort to change. There is a lot of resentment here. That would take a lot of time and honesty and effort for you two to fix.