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I have been married for 2.5 years, but have been with my husband 9 yeas total. He's a great man & so good to me, but he lacks raw passion & desire. We communicate well and I have talked to him about how I feel. He does try, but, well, its jut not "doing" it for me. He seems to love our sex life as I said, we do communicate...I don't know what else I can do. I have always been a highly sexual person, and I fear, he just isn't. I don't want to leave him, for something so shallow, I am just frustrated and feel I am running out of options. I want the fire! Carnal gritty passion. I don't know what else I can do. I don't expect to have crazy hot sex every time, but once in a while isn't too much to ask, is it? He doesn't make me feel desired. A co-worker who flirts with me makes me feel like I am the only woman in the world. He looks at me with such lust and desire that I blush. I have never had that with my husband. I am not having an affair, but lately, its hard not to fantasize about this man who makes me feel so sexy. Money is tight, so counseling is not feasible at this point. Thanks for input/advice.
 

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In your opinion, if your husband showed more passion for you, would you feel attracted to him? Just trying to confirm if it's a lack of action from him or is there also a physical component that kills it for you too.
 

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Well first you need to drop the co-worker thing......that is a fantasy and nothing more. If you were with that guy for 10 years do you really think he would still look at you that way? Nope. You can't fix a marital problem by bringing in a third person.

Now on the husband front. How often do you still have sex. Was it ever passion filled and just dwindled or was it always very vanilla sex?
 

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First off dont downgrade your husband because of your co worker. Everyone seems great when they are not in your relationship and whats going on it. I bet if he is in a relationship his partner probably feels like you not getting enought attention. Especially if he is focusing on you.

As for your sex life, how much have you talked to him about what you want and are looking for? Talk to him about it. He might have some of those desires too but timid to act on it etc. Sex is important in a relationship and something you should't put off, but it has to be worked on. Talking is key and letting him know what you want. Make sure you dont hold back so he can act on it.
 

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Get him to read "married mans sex guide" by Athol Kay I mean but the book and give it to him.


By the way, how much passion do you show him. I know you said you are highly sexual but what kind of attention do you show him other than sex?
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I know how frustrating this can be. Sorry you're going through it. You mentioned that you guys have good communication. When you talk to him about this issue are you just telling him over and over how you feel unfulfilled or are you also offering some constructive feedback; maybe giving him some ideas to better know what you want?
 

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I cant really blame you. I dont have sympathy for people in relationships who dont listen or worse, do listen but refuse to take steps to improve things.

If your husband is not really willing to meet your needs...seeking somebody else that will is a natural reaction.
 
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