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lack of intimacy

2297 Views 9 Replies 9 Participants Last post by  CynthiaBelmer
I have a great husband, we have almost been married 10 yrs and have 3 kids 8yrs,5yrs,3yrs.
We never have any time alone so I know that doesnt help. Hubby works hard, I pretty much do everything for the kids and the housework. I realize I resent him sometimes because he is a bit lazy when it comes to helping with the kids. I feel he is grumpy often because the lack of intimacy.
I might add that I am on anti depressants which may affect libido.
The problem is me, I have lost the need/want to be intimate. Do you think this means you are no longer attracted to your partner. What would you do ?
Please no nasty replies, I'm new here :)
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Thankyou, all the above replies are much appreciated. I was a bit scared to post because I read some previous threads and some replies seemed a bit shallow and harsh.

For the first time in a long time, 3 kids later and almost 10 yrs of marriage, I am giving this "major issue" alot of thought. I am going to try my best, slowly maybe, but surely.

I think I have realised that it is shallow to think that a person should leave a marriage just because they are questioning if they are still attracted to their partner. As we both age, many years down the track, obviously our figures and looks may change. I think if all aspects of the relationship are good, the rest should fall into place. I think it's been a vicious cycle in this house and I could ramble on.......

When talking about physical attraction when we started out dating, I was not really attracted to him or maybe he wasn't my type (physical looks) Even though he was "model" material, so my friends at the time thought. I became very attracted to him overtime.

A few factors may have got us to this point :

- we have never had a whole night without kids since our son was born 8 years ago. We both have demanding ( elderley and disabled) that require alot of our help and they are not really able to babysit.

- my husband has struggled to quit smoking and has therefore put on some weight since we met 12 yrs ago.

- because I have to do everything for the kids and housework I resent him at times and he may subconsciously feel the attention has shifted to the kids and they are the blame for the lack of intimacy.

- I started to resent him because he would come home late and would rather be socialising with work colleagues and having a beer than coming home . I understand that home wasn't appealing, 3 (under school age)very young kids at "witching hour" that needed me and no attention for him.

- he is an only child so I sometimes fell like his "mother" as he does little around the house.

- also maybe i should add that I find it difficult to orgasm. * blushes and hides*

I think, by being on this forum, buying a few self help books to read and taking the time to concentrate on these issues may just be the start to working things out :)
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