Thankyou, all the above replies are much appreciated. I was a bit scared to post because I read some previous threads and some replies seemed a bit shallow and harsh.
For the first time in a long time, 3 kids later and almost 10 yrs of marriage, I am giving this "major issue" alot of thought. I am going to try my best, slowly maybe, but surely.
I think I have realised that it is shallow to think that a person should leave a marriage just because they are questioning if they are still attracted to their partner. As we both age, many years down the track, obviously our figures and looks may change. I think if all aspects of the relationship are good, the rest should fall into place. I think it's been a vicious cycle in this house and I could ramble on.......
When talking about physical attraction when we started out dating, I was not really attracted to him or maybe he wasn't my type (physical looks) Even though he was "model" material, so my friends at the time thought. I became very attracted to him overtime.
A few factors may have got us to this point :
- we have never had a whole night without kids since our son was born 8 years ago. We both have demanding ( elderley and disabled) that require alot of our help and they are not really able to babysit.
- my husband has struggled to quit smoking and has therefore put on some weight since we met 12 yrs ago.
- because I have to do everything for the kids and housework I resent him at times and he may subconsciously feel the attention has shifted to the kids and they are the blame for the lack of intimacy.
- I started to resent him because he would come home late and would rather be socialising with work colleagues and having a beer than coming home . I understand that home wasn't appealing, 3 (under school age)very young kids at "witching hour" that needed me and no attention for him.
- he is an only child so I sometimes fell like his "mother" as he does little around the house.
- also maybe i should add that I find it difficult to orgasm. * blushes and hides*
I think, by being on this forum, buying a few self help books to read and taking the time to concentrate on these issues may just be the start to working things out
For the first time in a long time, 3 kids later and almost 10 yrs of marriage, I am giving this "major issue" alot of thought. I am going to try my best, slowly maybe, but surely.
I think I have realised that it is shallow to think that a person should leave a marriage just because they are questioning if they are still attracted to their partner. As we both age, many years down the track, obviously our figures and looks may change. I think if all aspects of the relationship are good, the rest should fall into place. I think it's been a vicious cycle in this house and I could ramble on.......
When talking about physical attraction when we started out dating, I was not really attracted to him or maybe he wasn't my type (physical looks) Even though he was "model" material, so my friends at the time thought. I became very attracted to him overtime.
A few factors may have got us to this point :
- we have never had a whole night without kids since our son was born 8 years ago. We both have demanding ( elderley and disabled) that require alot of our help and they are not really able to babysit.
- my husband has struggled to quit smoking and has therefore put on some weight since we met 12 yrs ago.
- because I have to do everything for the kids and housework I resent him at times and he may subconsciously feel the attention has shifted to the kids and they are the blame for the lack of intimacy.
- I started to resent him because he would come home late and would rather be socialising with work colleagues and having a beer than coming home . I understand that home wasn't appealing, 3 (under school age)very young kids at "witching hour" that needed me and no attention for him.
- he is an only child so I sometimes fell like his "mother" as he does little around the house.
- also maybe i should add that I find it difficult to orgasm. * blushes and hides*
I think, by being on this forum, buying a few self help books to read and taking the time to concentrate on these issues may just be the start to working things out
