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lack of intimacy

2299 Views 9 Replies 9 Participants Last post by  CynthiaBelmer
I have a great husband, we have almost been married 10 yrs and have 3 kids 8yrs,5yrs,3yrs.
We never have any time alone so I know that doesnt help. Hubby works hard, I pretty much do everything for the kids and the housework. I realize I resent him sometimes because he is a bit lazy when it comes to helping with the kids. I feel he is grumpy often because the lack of intimacy.
I might add that I am on anti depressants which may affect libido.
The problem is me, I have lost the need/want to be intimate. Do you think this means you are no longer attracted to your partner. What would you do ?
Please no nasty replies, I'm new here :)
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BusyMum, just the fact that you are thinking about this issue and have a desire to improve the situation tells me how lucky your husband is to have you.

I have no idea about your financial situation, but a life of unhappiness is much costlier than a babysitter. Swap babysitting with another couple if you have to. Husband stays and cares for your kids while you babysit for the friends; then they do it for you. You have to get out alone, regularly. Not to a movie where you sit in silence. Instead, try a dinner or a picnic by a river or lake or whatever is near. Don't expect that first date to be like going to the prom. It is going to take some time to even remember how to date each other.

First, you have to enlist his support for your effort to become emotionally and sexually close again. Then you need to start to talk about this. Have you ever had marriage counseling? I ask that, but what I really want to know is do you know how to communicate? Please start the conversation slowly and non-judgmentally. Things like: 1. You want to work with him to make things better for him and you. 2. You recognize that some of this is because you are overwhelmed at home and you know that he is overwhelmed by work, too. 3. You would like to work together to try and bring back the good old days and you hope he does, too. "I sometimes feel like...." or "I occasionally wonder if ..." works much better than, " you never ...."

Lather all this with lots of affectionate, not sexy, contact and words. My guess is that you both need to learn how to smile at each other again, too.

I wish you all the best in your efforts. Please know that I think you are great just for having the courage to raise this issue here. I'll be thinking about you.
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