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I’m having some serious problems in my relationship with my husband. We have been married for ten years. In the past few years I’ve done some therapy and I’ve been working on assertiveness and boundaries. I have a history of being a conflict avoidant person with lower self esteem. Therapy has really helped me with this as well as growing into my career.
My husband is also conflict avoidant person and has not sought therapy. He hasn’t said as much but I feel he resents the changes I’ve made. He will call me arrogant and constantly challenges my point of view. Recently I had a conflict with my sister. I’m trying to change my family role of doormat and I stood up for myself. My husband advised me not to do this. He also invalidated my feelings about the situation. I did it in spite of this because I’m committed to respecting myself and it went well. He will often say it’s better to avoid conflict and I can tell he’s threatened by my changes and how it makes him feel about himself. I really need a supportive partner to be my cheerleader and encourage me. I feel he tears me down due to his own lack of growth. I don’t want a divorce. Is there a way to address. Probably marriage counseling.
 

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I think you answered your own question. Marriage counseling is definitely worth a try. Would your H go to counseling on his own? Or would your therapist allow him to join you for a session or two to discuss how the changes you're making are affecting your relationship?
 

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Your husband doesn't sound like he is conflict avoidant with you. In fact, he sounds more like a bully who is afraid he might lose his control of you. Standing up for yourself is a threat to him.
 

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Definitely consider some marriage counseling. My husband and I are currently doing counseling and I'm hoping that he'll also realize that he needs his own counselor. I have my own counselor as well, and am making similar progress to what you describe. It's great to feel confident! It's great to set boundaries and stand up for things that are important to you! Your husband sounds like he isn't ready to change, which is okay, but you'll need to decide how long you're willing to wait for him. I also agree that it seems that his problem is more so related to his loss of control over you and it makes him uneasy realizing this means he may have to change some things. I'm literally in the same boat with my hubby. It's been rough, but I'm trying to stick it out. Counseling has been helpful, but it really will only help if someone is ready to change and compromise.
 
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