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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
The tiresome road of keeping up with her happiness.

I have been married for almost one year, going on 9th months soon. She is a beautiful lady, very loving when she wants to be and very good at family. She wants to stay close to my family and have what she has never had before. A strong loving family experience. I love her, very much. She is very good looking with a body to match. In this I feel very insecure and sometimes jealous. I am watchful of all she does and careful to see how she reacts to daily life as it changes. She says all the right things and comforts me when she believes she should.

Now onto my issue. When we were married. I took on all of these traits or situations that she carried with her. Of course when they are brought up, I could be judging her.

My wife is 35, I am 42. She slept with many men, which raises the possibility of cheating(former party girl). She used to do drugs. She has been in only one long term relationship that lasted two years. She is lazy. She drinks socially, but almost every day. She just had gastric bypass surgery which she says makes what she very selective; which has been mostly eating at fast food places. She has a short fuse, anger issues. She gets irritated easily. She has PTSD. She has mental issues for which she might have to see a doctor again for. Her son has to use a urine and a feces bag for waster. He was born without some organs. He too is lazy and doesn’t listen. They both share the common trait of not finishing what they are initially excited about. Having married her, my income has been restricted to only a certain amount of income so he can keep his very important insurance. She wants to keep cats that I think we should get rid of because they cause more issues in the house than keeping them as pets. She wants material things that I cannot afford because my income is restricted, yet I should still provide more. She has been physically abusive on more than one occasion, though not severely. She doesn’t get along with her immediate family. She’s absolutely terrible with money which when she is out of money, she starts to creep into my money. She says one thing and does the other. It’s hard to keep her happy even though she says shes happy. We’ve been through fight after fight because of misunderstanding, she separated for two days and wanted to come back. We’ve been through five miscarriages. All this has built up and up. To her, she just tosses it away as if it never affected either of us.

The straw that broke the camel’s back that got me to write this: I told her two months into our marriage to tell her x-boyfriend(who is now a friend) to stop writing or calling. She said okay. Five months later they had texting contact for a while and recently he texts her like it wasn’t a big deal. So I finally warned him not to contact her again. She said she understood. The last issue here was just too much. I am doing all this and working full time and the only reason I stay is because:

She makes me laugh and she has strong family centered qualities, and she is hot to me. Her looks too is what keeps me going. At my age though, I am starting to think this was a bad decision.

What are your thoughts.
I see myself just hoping she stays with me until the end of my life, only because I am trying my best to keep her happy with all the problems and restrictions I have. There is no guarantee in this. I could be wasting my whole life just to stare at t and a.

Thanks.
 

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Sorry to read about your situation.

Only married 9 months or so.....you both should still be in the 'honeymoon phase' and not have so many issue popping up already.

Sounds like there are potential boundary issues you need to take a stand on (re: contacting old ex's - especially if she is a former party girl).

A lot of the other issues however, were they there when you started dating her? Have they become more pronounced since marriage?

You mention a few things that are good in the marriage. Are these enough to balance out the bad and is she willing to work with you on the issues that are a concern for you?

Good luck and stay strong.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Yes she is trying to work on some things, but to be honest. After her ex text her, I felt like that was it. Just too much stress and me working full time at home. Just keeping things together hoping nothing becomes an issue. There were some signs when we were dating, but I looked past them because I love her.

BTW thank you for your reply.
 

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Gastric bypass, PTSD, mental issues, and physically abusive but she's hot?

I have trouble computing.
yeah "She is very good looking with a body to match. " then got a gastric bypass? or what's the timeline on that?

sometimes people that were large, and didn't get too much attention from the opposite sex, change drastically when they 'get hot' and start attracting people that never would have given them a second look.
 
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