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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm trying my best not to be too biased and to respect my partner's ego and need to feel respected but I can't help but feel a little wronged here...

I was gifted a painting of myself by my last partner. The painting was a combination of a pic taken of me in the past, done in hues of yellows and reds to pay homage to a random painting that I had fallen in love with years before. I consider this gift one of my prized possessions not because of who it came from but for the primary reason that it's an excellent piece of art. I love the emotion that the artist was able to capture in my face and I see it as my own personalized version of that other painting I never could afford to buy.

The problem is that I'm about to move in with my new partner and he absolutely does not want it in the house. We didn't argue about it because I was too shocked at his response to bother responding with anything but complete silence in the moment. I guess I never really considered that it would be an issue.

I'm having a hard time being empathetic because I can't imagine that I would respond this way with a similar gift from his ex. One of his exes has her own clothing brand and he recently got me a swimsuit that he picked out with her help and he has another ex that he consults when we have issues to get a female perspective. I have zero issues with those situations however I'm starting to wonder if I'm being too cool because I'm almost certain he would not feel ok with it if the tables were turned. That's not to say that the situations are similar but more to illustrate that I make an effort to not be unreasonable and demand that he keep away from his exes. I think this situation demonstrates that these efforts are not reciprocated

Guys, please help me understand why he finds this so offensive and what is the best way to respond to this...
 

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Either he just hates the painting or he feels threatened by your ex.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
No one could hate that painting, it's beautiful.

Threatened? Wtf. I left the dude for him. Smh
 

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Regardless of it's artist value, it is a strong reminder of your ex, the bond you had with him, and the fact that he did something so awesome for you. Calling him "the artist" doesn't change that.
 

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No one could hate that painting, it's beautiful.
beautiful to you but obviously not to him.

Threatened? Wtf. I left the dude for him. Smh
As if people have never gone back to their exes.


OP, maybe he sees it as something that will remind you of how thoughtful your ex was which in turn could cause undesirable reminiscences. I understand you like the painting and all but just trying to show you how he may feel.

That being said he is hypocritical. If he still keeps in contact with his ex (Bad Idea!) then surely a painting shouldn't be a problem.
 

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So, he can still be in touch with exes, but you can't have a painting of yourself given to you by an ex in the house. lol I'd think twice before moving in with this guy. :rolleyes:

To me, this is a sign of things to come. There will be endless double standards with a guy like this.
 

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You will be moving into his house. How much is he going to let you change 'his house'?

I think you need to re-consider the relationship. He has ongoing relationships with his ex's. And he will not allow you the painting?

It's not a good sign.
 

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No one could hate that painting, it's beautiful.

Threatened? Wtf. I left the dude for him. Smh
It is a guy thing, don't take offense to it. I would put it away (not throw it out) and move on.
Don't take offense to it...but she is also supposed to accept his ongoing relationships with his exes?

Double standard. Thumbs down.
 

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This may not be helpful.

I had a drawing of me & my late wife while we were dating; hanging on my wall (I did the drawing). The 1st gal I dated after my wife died in 2002 ask me to take it down. I said no & she left me a week later. There was more going then this one thing but in the end I feel she did not want to compete with a ghost. It took some time but I came to believe that neither of us were right or wrong. That drawing is up in my home office now and I’ve been remarried for 10 years.

Maybe that painting represents something that he cannot compete with.
 

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It's probably his personality type. In my marriage neither of us would take issue with that. But since he does, try to understand and respect his feelings. No need to throw it away, just don't hang it in his house, and keep if for yourself or a time when he feels more secure about your relationship.
 

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It's probably his personality type. In my marriage neither of us would take issue with that. But since he does, try to understand and respect his feelings. No need to throw it away, just don't hang it in his house, and keep if for yourself or a time when he feels more secure about your relationship.
If he's that insecure then he probably shouldn't be in a relationship in the first place.

And if he has obvious double standards, then he definitely shouldn't be in a relationship.

I agree with the others who are telling you to leave now.
 
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