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This is more of a mental question than a sexual one. I 'am HD Male. Wife is LD forever. Lately I have discovered if I tend to ignore her pay very little attention to her our sex life becomes better but only for one session.Most the time for 30 yrs. I have been all over her.Deeply in love.But if I remove the love from her she becomes closer to me.Its hard because its not me.I don't like to play games . But it works.If I stop holding her,Kissing her, Cuddleing her for a week she start to come on to me.
Really its very simple.Leave her alone and I get what I want. If I smother her with affection and love she pulls away? Bad thing is I want both.No games Just want a well balanced marriage.Somrtimes it takes 10 days for her to notice the lack of affection she is getting. and I start to see her slowly looking for some.But the minute she feels we are OK she is gone again. seems like she only wants a man in her life when she feels she is losing one/
 

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This is very common. I can think of two possible explanations for it off the top of my head. The first is that your wife just has a particular level of affection that she wants in the marriage. If you're doing all the work to provide it, then she doesn't have to do any. It's like you're Chester and she's Spike.

When you pull back, she is willing to fill the vacuum. It satisfies her, but leaves you unsatisfied because your preferred level of affection is, perhaps, twice hers.

The second possible explanation is that your wife feels too comfortable with your relationship. She feels like you will accept anything she does without ever leaving her. That's a dangerous attitude for someone to have. It leads to taking one's spouse for granted and not seeing the need to meet that spouse's needs. When you pull back, she begins to worry that you may, indeed, leave her. This may be a subconscious thought process. But, she realizes that she needs to pull you back in. So, she steps up her game.

Sadly, this is a game you need to master in order to have a satisfying relationship with the majority of women. As another poster said, your wife needs to feel safe being sexual with you. And, she needs to feel unsafe not being sexual with you.
 

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Works the same for me, too. Rewarding bad behavior results in more bad behavior. Punishing bad behavior results in better behavior. Works on dogs, works on kids, works on employees, and it works on pretty much anyone who has a brain capable of connecting cause with effect.
 

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Works the same for me, too. Rewarding bad behavior results in more bad behavior. Punishing bad behavior results in better behavior. Works on dogs, works on kids, works on employees, and it works on pretty much anyone who has a brain capable of connecting cause with effect.
Simply and perfectly stated.

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Simply and perfectly stated.

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You all so right. The problem starts with I forget to play the game. I am myself and it does not feel natural to me to be a curtain way. Or act like she does not matter to me.I can't be myself,I have to be a bastard,Do my own thing,stay away from her.Don't share my day with her.Stop opening the car door for her.Its pretty funny the more Pus*y whip I am. The less Pus*y I get
 

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I am wondering is this more of a female trait? The samething hppens when we are getting it on. If I act like it was just Ok she is not happy with herself. If I just orgasm and not make a big deal out of it.The next time we have sex she puts out more effort.So me being a male pig I act like it was not good and then next time she performs W.T.F.
 

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It all depends on who you're with. I'm an independent person who would never let anyone walk all over me. Do I "wear the pants"? No, not really. Does she? No, and I will be the first to remind her if I'm not getting what I need.

It's all about good communication, and that means some tough talk sometimes. I've threatened to leave a couple times when she's acting ungrateful and our priorities are not in line. Do I mean it? Absolutely not (we have kids and great love for each other), but I want to find out where she's at and what she needs. If she truly told me she didn't want or need me, then I'd give her time but be ok leaving... life always goes on. She's a hot woman and could hurt me in a minute, and I'm a successful and fit guy who could do the same to her. We are both fine on our own, but we're also better together. If either one of us starts taking each other for granted, then we have a talk... and also usually **** it out after.

Helpful info for you:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/18181-man-up-nice-guy-reference.html
 

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It is, unfortunately, just the way it works sometimes. That same level of "hyper attraction" for you like when you first dated sometimes only seems possible if they (man or woman) fears if they don't "step up their game" they may lose you. When they fear that, the appreciation and attraction goes up.

You're figuring it out. But, personally I'd not stop with the manners (opening car doors, etc) as a means of "pulling back". I keep the manners up even when I'm really pizzed. But I will pull back in other ways.

And don't think of it as "playing games". For me it truly isn't. Life is short. If she starts acting like she's going down a road I know I can't live with (less / no sex, rudeness in rejection, taking me for granted, etc) I start pulling back simply because I'm not happy, and won't pretend to be so (nice guy behavior). And I will protect myself and my feelings. Nice guy behavior dictates you shouldn't do that, because then SHE might be unhappy and leave. Well, you gotta have the attitude of "so be it" then. Don't sacrafice your happiness to keep her "happy" or keep the peace. It doesn't work.
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She's likely using sex as a means to stablize the relationship. She may not even know she is doing it. It's been reported that women do use sex to establish a relationship, while men use sex to keep a relationship.

She gets an uneasy feeling from the lack of connection, and thus uses sex to bring you back and forge that closeness. It's not a bait and switch thing, just the way she is. That's my opinion anyways, of course I could be wrong.
 

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But if I remove the love from her she becomes closer to me.Its hard because its not me.I don't like to play games . But it works.If I stop holding her,Kissing her, Cuddleing her for a week she start to come on to me.
Really its very simple.Leave her alone and I get what I want. If I smother her with affection and love she pulls away?

I am wondering is this more of a female trait?
Just speaking for myself... I am not like this at all, in fact this would pi** me off -if the guy was distant. Affectionate attention makes me feel loved. But I am primarily a Time & Touch woman (2 of the 5 love languages) .... so this makes sense. I don't need distance to revv my attraction - at all.

If I was with a guy who found me smothering, I'd look for another cause we wouldn't be compatible.

I also can not stand games....talking openly about what is going on inside you -is how to deal with someone like me.... I see that as "connection" at the deepest level. I also prefer sensitive affectionate Romantic men, the more the better, and if he has a high sex drive, that is the biggest plus of all.

donny64 said: If she starts acting like she's going down a road I know I can't live with (less / no sex, rudeness in rejection, taking me for granted, etc) I start pulling back simply because I'm not happy, and won't pretend to be so (nice guy behavior). And I will protect myself and my feelings. Nice guy behavior dictates you shouldn't do that, because then SHE might be unhappy and leave. Well, you gotta have the attitude of "so be it" then. Don't sacrifice your happiness to keep her "happy" or keep the peace. It doesn't work.
I agree with this - I did take my husband for granted in the past :( , he is geared more on the Beta side, he is one of those sensitive men (I'd never change this) ... just too many kids in a short period of time & loosing my priorities -too much on my mind - He's told me, when he wanted MORE from me, he pulled back on his own happiness thinking I might leave him if he rocked the boat... (that was utterly insane of him to think by the way )... .. but yeah... being "the man" and stating what you NEED and if she ain't on board... a "so be it attitude" will get her attention. Don't cater to her, then she'll just push you for all she can.

Once she knows how you feel and walks on it, then you need to erect boundaries to protect yourself. Don't stuff your happiness for her...as this will lead to a growing resentment... A little conflict to work through is much preferable, assertive and honest. Something she should respect.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/41826-resentment-sexual-emotional-etc-how-robs-us-intimacy-we-crave-most.html
 
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