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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
NO CONTACT. I'm the poster boy. No response to an email from my EWW several months ago that just said "Hi." Nothing. So here I am tooling along 11 months after DDay feeling pretty good. I think I've even gone a whole day without thinking for a moment about catching her in the park having her affair with her boss and the emotional aftermath I went through.

Then I get an email today from her saying there are some Christmas ornaments and stockings of her and her kids she'd like to pick up in the next couple of weeks. I have not laid eyes on or heard her voice in almost 10 months.

Suddenly, my anxiety level and all the anger and pain came rushing back... Overwhelmed me. This is just crazy... Am I that weak?
 

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I think I have said this before but the best thing you can do for yourself when you run into 'feelings' is not to hide from them or deny them, that's how it creates bigger issues down the road. Embrace your feelings, understand them, deal with them and then move on. You are not weak and it's not going to get 'licked' in a year, it's going to take several years at the least for these type of emotions to be indifferent if you think of her, see her, get a message, etc. It will come though, it's still relatively soon.

I don't agree with ignoring her when it comes to physical possessions, at least things like this that may involve her kids but I would not have her come by to get them.

Take them and anything else that may be hers and that she may ask for in the future, everything! And then take it to UPS, the USPS, etc. Put them in a box, ship them to her place of employment or I can't remember if one of her daughters' was old enough to have a place of her own. If you know where she lives, send them to her address then let your EW know they are on the way and be DONE with it.
 

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NO CONTACT. I'm the poster boy. No response to an email from my EWW several months ago that just said "Hi." Nothing. So here I am tooling along 11 months after DDay feeling pretty good. I think I've even gone a whole day without thinking for a moment about catching her in the park having her affair with her boss and the emotional aftermath I went through.

Then I get an email today from her saying there are some Christmas ornaments and stockings of her and her kids she'd like to pick up in the next couple of weeks. I have not laid eyes on or heard her voice in almost 10 months.

Suddenly, my anxiety level and all the anger and pain came rushing back... Overwhelmed me. This is just crazy... Am I that weak?
Listen, no you are not that weak. So don't think that. It is a trigger, that is all.

I do not miss or even remotely like my ExW, I will go days without thinking about her.

But she can call me on the phone and just hearing her voice pisses me off. My GF hates it when I have to talk about something with her, because I get into a bad mood for a minute and she knows I hate talking to her.

I think all of this will subside in a while. It gets better, and I did not even divorce her for the cheating actually, it was just everything. A total nightmare...

You will be OK, have stiff drink before she comes over. Or better yet, pack the stuff up and leave it on the porch...
 

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Sczinger, I think you are doing the right thing by putting them into a box and leaving it on the porch for her to collect. Don't take them to her. If she wants them, she can travel to pick them up. You are not her skivvy.

The anxiety is natural in these situations. I hadn't seen my ex in almost 9 months when I caught sight of his car while I was in my friend's car and I came over all panicky and stressed. I didn't actually see him but it affected me none the less and I felt rather silly. But I couldn't help the way I felt after everything that had happened between us. As time goes on, you won't care if you hear from her, but unfortunately it will take time. You will eventually get to the point when even if you see her, it won't bother you.

I would not call you weak; you are still grieving but you will get through this. Keep moving forward :)
 

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Some unsolicited advice for you. If you haven't gone through your house yet and reorganized/decluttered it of your XW's possessions then you should. This way you don't have surprise contact from her in the future asking for more stuff. I'd suggest you put all her leftover stuff in a box(s) with the other stuff she asked for so she has no reason to contact you again and so you have eliminated her mark on your house.

After I packed up my XW's stuff and left it for her to pick up before the garbage man got it, I then did a space cleaning ceremony that involves burning sage (and of course some drinking with a friend while making fun of my XW). I don't believe in that mumbo jumbo but it was still worthwhile because the ceremony put a definite end point on her presence in my house. Now if she ever wants anything she's SOL because she either already got it or the garbage man did.
 

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Do you have a back porch or a covered space that is not on your front porch? The reason I ask is that if you put that box on the front porch, you will see it and think of her every time you walk in and out the front door until the day she picks it up. If you put it in the corner of a back or side porch you do not frequently walk by, you will forget the box is even there and you won't be reminded of her.
 

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NO CONTACT. I'm the poster boy. No response to an email from my EWW several months ago that just said "Hi." Nothing. So here I am tooling along 11 months after DDay feeling pretty good. I think I've even gone a whole day without thinking for a moment about catching her in the park having her affair with her boss and the emotional aftermath I went through.

Then I get an email today from her saying there are some Christmas ornaments and stockings of her and her kids she'd like to pick up in the next couple of weeks. I have not laid eyes on or heard her voice in almost 10 months.

Suddenly, my anxiety level and all the anger and pain came rushing back... Overwhelmed me. This is just crazy... Am I that weak?
Text back that normal storage unit costs per month are $185.63. At 11 months of storage $2041.93 is due. Subject items will not be released until the balance is paid. If the balance goes unpaid your EWW should plan on seeing her items on the next episode of Storage Wars.

Honestly sir, don't answer back. That crap should have been picked up 11 months ago. NO CONTACT means NO CONTACT. Change you phone number as well.
 
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I've already responded. Told her I'd throw them in a box and let her know when they are available, outside, on the porch...
As someone else stated, toss them in a box and mail them to her and be done. This has more to do with rattling your cage than getting ornaments back. You've already responded which was her intention. Don't allow her to "control" when she retrieves them, despite your best laid plans of not being home when she gets them guess who will show up at the door when you least expect it or she drags this out till a week before Christmas. My crazy ex wanted to pick some stuff up she forgot, I went with the plan of leaving on porch. The junk stayed there for weeks.

Your going to have triggers days, it happens and ya can't beat yourself up too much about it but gain back control of no contact now, mail the stuff off and take away any excuse she has to swing by or contact you again about the junk.
 

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It's coming. I told you it's coming. Just be prepared when it does. She **** her life when she impulsively threw away years of marriage for some teenage lust. Once she gets it over the lust part with she is still stuck with a ****ed life. When she comes knocking at the door at 12am, tell her to go away or you will call the cops. Seriously.
 

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NO CONTACT.
Suddenly, my anxiety level and all the anger and pain came rushing back... Overwhelmed me. This is just crazy... Am I that weak?
This is NOT weakness. It's a good thing to let go of anger and pain that are lurking about with overwhelming results. It took you a long time to get here and will take a while to recover--bit by bit. Resentment at the unfairness of it all is literally sickening. I'm so sorry.

BTW: Circumstances mean that I have to give up some really important things in my life OR see my EX in public about three times a month. Sometimes I give up things and sometime I don't--for years after divorce. As best as I can manage no matter where, he is invisible to me. Overall, this has made me a stronger person. My freedom is the best trophy/weapon in my arsenal.
 

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Don't play silly games, like pretending you have a sexy girlfriend staying at your house. Just take control of YOUR life, don't jump on the crazy train with her, and keep your dignity and morals.

You've got this. Stay true to yourself and don't become a manipulative game player like your soon to be ex.
 

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Regarding the Christmas stuff she wants: pack everything you can think of that she will eventually use as an excuse to contact you (and that you want to part with) in as many boxes as you have to. Write her name on the front of all of them so she knows they are hers.

After you have done that, text her that all her stuff is on the back (or side etc.) porch waiting for her. Say that you gave her everything that is hers, not just Christmas stuff, so she won't have to contact you again in the future for anything other than divorce or child related information.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
You honestly think she is using this just to make contact? I've contacted her about nothing. With no children, real estate or finances together my divorce literally took 10 days back in February. She signed away everything just to get to her AP. Other than this recent email she's only sent me one other, about 2 months ago, at 12:30 in the morning that just said "Hi." I'm thinking she just wants her kids ornaments...
 

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I do understand that she wants her kids' ornaments. They have sentimental value to her or to them, and not to you. Is there anything else she left that belongs to her or her children that she might ask for later?

If you really don't want to ever hear from her again, you need to give her everything back so you have nothing of hers that she can ask for at a later date.
 

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You honestly think she is using this just to make contact? I've contacted her about nothing. With no children, real estate or finances together my divorce literally took 10 days back in February. She signed away everything just to get to her AP. Other than this recent email she's only sent me one other, about 2 months ago, at 12:30 in the morning that just said "Hi." I'm thinking she just wants her kids ornaments...
Your fooling yourself thinking she only wants the ornaments. It's the convenient excuse to contact you. Tell me while you were married did she worry about Christmas 2 months before Christmas? I know very few people who actually start thinking about ornaments weeks before your even thinking about a tree.

Would she like the ornaments back? Sure. Is it an easy excuse to get a hold of you, you bet. You didn't take the bait with a hi a couple months ago, now she has a "legit" reason to make contact. In her position it's a win/win. If you didn't respond your the bad guy and if you do she gets her stuff and now your thinking about her again.
 

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the problem with speculations is its difficult to understand them in a vacuum, back in February when she signed everything over the last thing she was thinking about was christmas, so maybe its about the ornaments....either way you leave the box and she picks it up without you there and enough said. if there are any more emails then take it up then, don't drive yourself crazy with motives that are not solidified.
 
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