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It is a sobering sentence by Marc878.

She wrote a few words down over the weekend. She claims I tortured her mentally and tore her apart. Because I told her we were finished unless she found a miraculous ability to reconcile . . . . . "That kind of abuse" Calmly, those exact words.
So, how soon can your lawyer have her served with divorce papers? That's really all you need to worry about, because you have nothing to work with in her.
 

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I managed to talk about her multiple breakdowns and got a confession without her realising it last night. WW claimed when she she was wailing sorry and telling me the pain was so bad whilst trying to stab herself with scissors in the gut to make it stop as her inner voice was screaming she deserves to die for the hurt she has caused etc - That she knocked the phone out of my hand as I was calling 999 and she panicked........Kinda sums that one up.

She does everything on paper. (exception the suicide manipulation)

The second Gym issue, I allowed the gym visit as it is a family gym and not in anyway the same thing as where and what occurred. After advice here, she should not have asked I agree. After advice here WW should not have even looked at another dude.

After the advice and perspectives here, I went to the gym with her the weekend and noted behaviours. What a ****ing surprise TAM was correct it is a meat market of sexual undertone for 50% of people.

Wife was eye ****ed by a dozen guys of an hour.

The suicide issue is tricky though, her words are always regarding not living with damage to me. I can't help think it is due to falling from a pedestal and not being able to hide any more in plain sight.

She is depressed and all over the place 24/7

This passes into dreams and nightmares of spirals and suicides multiple times per night.

But then she has a huge amount to lose.
You missed a great opportunity by not calling 911. Actions count words don’t.
She hid her affair from you in plain sight. Pretty good actress. Start connecting those dots.
 

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Discussion Starter · #204 ·
You missed a great opportunity by not calling 911. Actions count words don’t.
She hid her affair from you in plain sight. Pretty good actress. Start connecting those dots.
I am

started a very brief discussion at lunch and other than telling me about how she feels also started ""flipping out"" as I "know what I am doing" in terms of simply asking her what plans or actions she intends towards reconciliation (we have a world at our fingers here right?)/

She span it after answering basically nothing other than you have full access to phones and I deleted every app 😂 :rolleyes:

Asking me if I knew of any further steps I answered "Yes of course I do, and would have already started on those actions with immediate effect"

Usual cheater nonsense. I thought more of her.

I am now a sniper in the waiting.
 

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After the advice and perspectives here, I went to the gym with her the weekend and noted behaviours. What a ****ing surprise TAM was correct it is a meat market of sexual undertone for 50% of people.

Wife was eye ****ed by a dozen guys of an hour.
When she goes to a new gym, she might even be looking for a meat market style gym. I used to have this one guy as my old gym buddy and that's what he did. He went from gym to gym looking for a place that had enough attractive women to talk to.

The suicide issue is tricky though, her words are always regarding not living with damage to me. I can't help think it is due to falling from a pedestal and not being able to hide any more in plain sight.

She is depressed and all over the place 24/7

This passes into dreams and nightmares of spirals and suicides multiple times per night.

But then she has a huge amount to lose.
The suicide thing is most likely just BS but if you treat it as such you will be the bad guy. I'm at the stage in my life now where if someone wronged me and tried to play the victim, I'd not stop them from doing anything. I'd call the bluff.
 

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Discussion Starter · #212 ·
When she goes to a new gym, she might even be looking for a meat market style gym. I used to have this one guy as my old gym buddy and that's what he did. He went from gym to gym looking for a place that had enough attractive women to talk to.



The suicide thing is most likely just BS but if you treat it as such you will be the bad guy. I'm at the stage in my life now where if someone wronged me and tried to play the victim, I'd not stop them from doing anything. I'd call the bluff.
This is where it ended up with me calling it/ignoring.

She had what I would describe as a weird bipolar/manic kinda breakdown yesterday, this actually really scarred the **** out of me as I did not recognise her.

On the way home, I had had enough and was going to divorce and tell her point blank.

Before I had opportunity - She dropped to her knees and apologised not only for doing what she did, but for the manipulation and self pity/sorrow. This was a 2 hour apology with her accepting the outcome whatever that would be and begging to allow her to rectify, even it still means definite divorce.

She owned the entirety and claims she was breaking inside as she attempted to firefight the acceptance that this was her choice and that she ended our relationship the moment she decided on her pathway.

Discussed a self destruct and blamed that on childhood......Cliche

But I am mind bashed now. I am still filing and she is at peace with that. But asks me to keep an open mind and has explained anything that is required she has begun, anything I require she will do.

I am tired and will think on this for a day or so as a result.
 

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If she stops the victimization control tactics and manipulation and lets you do what you need to do then you might have something to work with.

File, have her served, and see how she behaves through the process. Divorce filings can always be withdrawn but her behavior will tell you if it's worth considering. I still think she's not good partner material because of the need for attention but first see how she behaves during divorce proceedings.

And if you do decide to reconcile there will have been real consequences for her and thar matters. You don't want to set a precedent where she cries, manipulates, and threatens suicide and you cave. Very bad for any kind of future with her.
 

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This is where it ended up with me calling it/ignoring.

She had what I would describe as a weird bipolar/manic kinda breakdown yesterday, this actually really scarred the **** out of me as I did not recognise her.

On the way home, I had had enough and was going to divorce and tell her point blank.

Before I had opportunity - She dropped to her knees and apologised not only for doing what she did, but for the manipulation and self pity/sorrow. This was a 2 hour apology with her accepting the outcome whatever that would be and begging to allow her to rectify, even it still means definite divorce.

She owned the entirety and claims she was breaking inside as she attempted to firefight the acceptance that this was her choice and that she ended our relationship the moment she decided on her pathway.

Discussed a self destruct and blamed that on childhood......Cliche

But I am mind bashed now. I am still filing and she is at peace with that. But asks me to keep an open mind and has explained anything that is required she has begun, anything I require she will do.

I am tired and will think on this for a day or so as a result.
I think she's fully realizing the seriousness of her crimes against you.

And she's not handling well. But at least she gets it, and seems to be ready to accept the consequences, whatever they may be.

As already mentioned you can move forward with the D process and always stop it if you feel this is salvageable.
 

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Discussion Starter · #215 ·
I think she's fully realizing the seriousness of her crimes against you.

And she's not handling well. But at least she gets it, and seems to be ready to accept the consequences, whatever they may be.

As already mentioned you can move forward with the D process and always stop it if you feel this is salvageable.
If she continues to demonstrate openness and acceptance of the wrong, maybe a light. But yes a consequence is needed.

it is like a different person, wife is back in the house. so creepy.
 

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If she continues to demonstrate openness and acceptance of the wrong, maybe a light. But yes a consequence is needed.

it is like a different person, wife is back in the house. so creepy.
Your challenge is discerning what is true remorse from damage control and its not as easy as you might think.

The response to consequences is how you figure our which one you have.
 

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Discussion Starter · #217 ·
Your challenge is discerning what is true remorse from damage control and its not as easy as you might think.

The response to consequences is how you figure our which one you have.
Ok thank you for this advice. I am going to request financial settlement. She says that she would Never take a penny or have interest in property etc. We shall soon see.

Looking over this, it is possible she picked up on the severity and took her crap underground to hide it.
 

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@SMFD01

My ex didn’t cheat, well, not that I’m aware of anyway. She has had similar behaviour however but unlike your ‘wife’, she still has not realised what she’s done, nor she ever will.

I am in no position to give advice, I do feel for you and have been in a position similar to where you are today however, the exhaustion from the confusion and trying to distinguish between complete opposite personalities and wondering who's the real her and who isn't and trying to make sense of senseless things. It’s nasty and you shouldn’t have to deal with it, but there you are.

Whether you divorce or try to work things out, you are not choosing, you are just reacting to what she chose to do, this is my personal opinion. She violated your trust and respect, and flushed everything down the toilet, you are only reacting to what she has done, and you have every right to react in whichever way you see fit.

I don’t personally think she’s remorseful, or accepting the blame. You haven’t fallen for all the drama so far, so she’s just trying a new strategy that’s all. Give it a few days and see how long that will last, if she’s anything like my ex? If you don’t ‘cancel’ the divorce idea, all the remorse will be gone and she’ll be back to her old ways.

I was extremely lucky not to have children, you on the other hand have a lot to consider and process. Best of luck getting your sh!t together, won’t be easy, but make sure you remind yourself, and her when required, of who’s responsible for the whole mess.

The only advice I would give is to make sure you concentrate at your work and while driving when you’re feeling like this, your child, and job/income will probably be the ONLY constants in a life full of variables after all this, you don’t want to lose either due to exhaustion.

You're doing well considering the sh!tty circumstances you've been left to deal with.
 

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Ok thank you for this advice. I am going to request financial settlement. She says that she would Never take a penny or have interest in property etc. We shall soon see.

Looking over this, it is possible she picked up on the severity and took her crap underground to hide it.
Possibly, it happens a lot. You need these answers so you can make a fully informed decision.

My ex just had his ex gf call him at work so I wouldn’t see her # on our phone records.
 

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Discussion Starter · #220 ·
@SMFD01

My ex didn’t cheat, well, not that I’m aware of anyway. She has had similar behaviour however but unlike your ‘wife’, she still has not realised what she’s done, nor she ever will.

I am in no position to give advice, I do feel for you and have been in a position similar to where you are today however, the exhaustion from the confusion and trying to distinguish between complete opposite personalities and wondering who's the real her and who isn't and trying to make sense of senseless things. It’s nasty and you shouldn’t have to deal with it, but there you are.

Whether you divorce or try to work things out, you are not choosing, you are just reacting to what she chose to do, this is my personal opinion. She violated your trust and respect, and flushed everything down the toilet, you are only reacting to what she has done, and you have every right to react in whichever way you see fit.

I don’t personally think she’s remorseful, or accepting the blame. You haven’t fallen for all the drama so far, so she’s just trying a new strategy that’s all. Give it a few days and see how long that will last, if she’s anything like my ex? If you don’t ‘cancel’ the divorce idea, all the remorse will be gone and she’ll be back to her old ways.

I was extremely lucky not to have children, you on the other hand have a lot to consider and process. Best of luck getting your sh!t together, won’t be easy, but make sure you remind yourself, and her when required, of who’s responsible for the whole mess.

The only advice I would give is to make sure you concentrate at your work and while driving when you’re feeling like this, your child, and job/income will probably be the ONLY constants in a life full of variables after all this, you don’t want to lose either due to exhaustion.

You're doing well considering the sh!tty circumstances you've been left to deal with.
Such a compassionate post. I am completely whacked and could be affecting judgment badly. I will be asleep for sure by 7pm as an example, with my little one.

It was a really great point regards to reaction. That makes my mind easier already. It is not a decision that I am making in many ways.

Good luck in your own endeavours.
 
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