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I read the website not the book (it was eerily correct in my current situation)... and was going to buy it but thought.. will it give me ANSWERS as to what I should do about these feelings. I am having an A.. I have no sexual desire for my husband..at one point i thought there must be something wrong with me. I prayed cried and begged god to give it to me for my husband. but nothing. My husband is a good man but emotionally he is absent (unless he is angry or depressed which his often) we have been together for 8 years one child. and the OM tells me he loves me. I felt I was in-love with him until tonight reading that damn website. INFATUATION.. wow. OM and I are so much a like.. we talk about everything under the sun. we just mesh. H and I really don't have much in common. I know when I married him I was at a stage where I felt I wanted to settle down and did just that settled. I wanted to leave my H even before I had the A. But the guilt of knowing I would DESTROY him has kept me with him. I have explained to him that Im not in love.. no sexual desire.. I mean I tried to leave but..he was so miserable crying begging that all I could do was think how I would feel if I were him and it KILLS ME INSIDE! So I stay. I HATE feeling this way. I HATE that I am cheating. I want to stop but I relate to the addiction part.. the High I get. The feeling alive part, and the sexual desire I have for OM i don't have for H. It so Cruel and unfair. Why cant I have that for my husband dammit!! I swear sometimes I pray that I go to sleep and wake up wanting my H the way I want the OM. I'm 38 an this is my second marriage. My 1st marriage I was In love and was abused mentally and physically. 1st H was controlling and did not respect me and I eventually left. It devastated me. I feel I married this one because I knew I wasn't in love and could never be hurt like that again. This book is depressing because he seems there is no hope. I truly feel that with the OM I would not desire another. But would he? I can't bare the heartbreak... This LOVE MARRIAGE crap SUCKS!!!!!!!! Sometimes I feel that maybe I should just be single. What am I to do..I am Unhappy in my marriage... should I just stay to make H happy? Should I leave an be by myself... should I continue with OM after leaving... I need mental help I think.. Whoever said this was like a mental illness I think was partly right.
 

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Then why don't you explain this to your husband? he deserves someone that will love him as do you. This happened to my ex wife and her ex husband. It's really that simple. He is obviously better off with someone that won't cheat on him. You are better off getting the affection you need and crave.
 

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How do I contradict myself. I say I want to have the desire for my husband but don't. I say I am having an affair and felt I was in love untill I read that book. Now I am confused maybe it is Infatuation. I know it is wrong to have this affair so I tried to stop. But it is hard.. (reason I say I get the book when it says it is addictive like a drug) I am confused so I really don't know what I want to do... In a perfect world. I would be with a man I was in love with who loved me back I would have the sexual desire for him and vice verse. When I was in love it turned out VERY BAD. So I chose to marry a man that loved me more then I loved him. Thinking I wouldn't be hurt again. Now I am in a situation where I know if I leave him it would destroy him and Idon't want that either.. you confused because I AM friggin confused
 

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Can you have courtesy to sit down your husband and explain to him that you would like to D him?
If you dont love him, why do you stay in the marriage?
All I can see is that you wanted to SETTLE in life when you married your current H. Now that you are SETTLED, you seek something elsewhere.
By the way, what do you seek in marrying OM now?
What do you mean by SETTLE?
 

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Then why don't you explain this to your husband? he deserves someone that will love him as do you. This happened to my ex wife and her ex husband. It's really that simple. He is obviously better off with someone that won't cheat on him. You are better off getting the affection you need and crave.
I have explained how I felt..(not the affair) and he just doesn't listen. He wants to be with me and feels he can change or make it work and he tells me he couldn't live without me.. It tares me up inside to see him miserable like that. Write now I am writing through tears because I hate I am doing this... but I want to be happy an I am not. Maybe my happiness is not important but keeping the family an his happyness in tact is
 

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I just don't see how staying married to him for those reasons will help him? He will move on and find someone better for him. I think you will find someone better for you. Once you cheat it's kind of over. I could see getting over a one night stand or an EA over the internet, but once the johnson is put in place, it's kind of over.
 

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Can you have courtesy to sit down your husband and explain to him that you would like to D him?
If you dont love him, why do you stay in the marriage?
All I can see is that you wanted to SETTLE in life when you married your current H. Now that you are SETTLED, you seek something elsewhere.
By the way, what do you seek in marrying OM now?
What do you mean by SETTLE?
I have explained this to him in DETAIL on 2 occasions once 2 years ago and I left got another apartment and he begged me back.. I felt so guilty for making him feel that way and the fact that I wasnt in love from the beginning (i do love him grown to over the years) I went back to stop his pain.
 

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So you are helping him by having sex with other men, feeling sorry for him, and living with him instead of someone that would make you happy? I think this is causing more damage than help.
 

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I have explained this to him in DETAIL on 2 occasions once 2 years ago and I left got another apartment and he begged me back.. I felt so guilty for making him feel that way and the fact that I wasnt in love from the beginning (i do love him grown to over the years) I went back to stop his pain.
:scratchhead:

Is there a contradiction between your pain in staying with him and the perceived pain that he might have when you say you want to leave?

If you want to avoid causing pain to him, why do you think about OM?
Your marriage problems - you should resolve with your H not with OM.
Seek counseling.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
Can you have courtesy to sit down your husband and explain to him that you would like to D him?
If you dont love him, why do you stay in the marriage?
All I can see is that you wanted to SETTLE in life when you married your current H. Now that you are SETTLED, you seek something elsewhere.
By the way, what do you seek in marrying OM now?
What do you mean by SETTLE?
When I say settled I mean.. after the devastating divorce I went through with my 1st husband. 10years later The advice I got from my mother was Find a man that loves you more then you love him. and be good to him.. and you will be ok. Well I did that an I am miserable. And guilty for having it go so long. Confused because I am inlove with someone else...
 

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:scratchhead:

Is there a contradiction between your pain in staying with him and the perceived pain that he might have when you say you want to leave?

If you want to avoid causing pain to him, why do you think about OM?
Your marriage problems - you should resolve with your H not with OM.
Seek counseling.
You are right I should solve marraige problems with H... not with OM... Its not perceived PAIN... it is what I see from him and what he TELLS me when I say I want to leave, try to leave.
 

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So you are helping him by having sex with other men, feeling sorry for him, and living with him instead of someone that would make you happy? I think this is causing more damage than help.
Your RIGHT! it is..I just don't want to make the biggest mistake of my life!! I am not a bad person really. I DO EVERYTHING for my husband. I put his wants infront of my for the most part. HE works come home and thats it. I do everything else (I also work) I don't know why I am even talking on the blog
 

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I read the website not the book (it was eerily correct in my current situation)... and was going to buy it but thought.. will it give me ANSWERS as to what I should do about these feelings. I am having an A.. I have no sexual desire for my husband..at one point i thought there must be something wrong with me. No there is nothing wrong with you. Except choosing to have affair.I prayed cried and begged god to give it to me for my husband. but nothing. My husband is a good man but emotionally he is absent (unless he is angry or depressed which his often)
Who woulden´t be absent? You do know that he most likely
'sensed you have no desire for him, right?

we have been together for 8 years one child. So at least at some point there was some desire after all

and the OM tells me he loves me.Of course he is..Is he single? I felt I was in-love with him until tonight reading that damn website. INFATUATION.. Yeas that´s what it is..


wow. OM and I are so much a like.. we talk about everything under the sun. we just mesh.I say wow to_OM sound like marriage material what on earth are you waiting for?Act before another married women snacthes him before you..Hi is a gem,a real keeper.messing with married women. I real stand up guy ,if you dont mind me to say so.


H and I really don't have much in common. I know when I married him I was at a stage where I felt I wanted to settle down and did just that settled.And yet you married,and stayed married for 8 years.Oh btw forgot you two had a child..

I agree ,not so much in common.

I wanted to leave my H even before I had the A.
No you did not.. That statement is called rewriting your marriage.

But the guilt of knowing I would DESTROY him has kept me with him. You see ,again you are rewriting your marriage.
I surly hope so.Because You seem not to have much guilt about cheating on him.

I have explained to him that Im not in love.. no sexual desire.. I mean I tried to leave but..And yet you are still married.

he was so miserable crying begging that all I could do was think how I would feel if I were him and it KILLS ME INSIDE! So I stay.Hmm strange,that you would say that.Why not think that way,about how you would feel if your husband cheated.And keep´s cheating.That way no affair would not be in place.

I HATE feeling this way. I HATE that I am cheating.
Im sure you do.I believe you.Its called guilt.

I want to stop but I relate to the addiction part..
Did you not say you love him?

the High I get. The feeling alive part, and the sexual desire I have for OM i don't have for H. Same feeling that every one has,during the affair.How long to you think that would last.When you two love bird´s move in with eacother ?


It so Cruel and unfair.Yeas it is..But this is your chose.

Why cant I have that for my husband dammit!!Only you can answer that

I swear sometimes I pray that I go to sleep and wake up wanting my H the way I want the OM. Why? OM is such a fun guy.

I'm 38 an this is my second marriage. My 1st marriage I was In love and was abused mentally and physically. 1st H was controlling and did not respect me and I eventually left. It devastated me. I feel I married this one because I knew I wasn't in love and could never be hurt like that again.
So why not do the same to "this one" Walk away

So should i see it that "this one" is basically payback for what your first husband di to you? You are cruel to some one else?

This book is depressing Truth can some time´s make you feel in that way.

because he seems there is no hope. I truly feel that with the OM I would not desire another.So you are putting "this one" on the back burner until you decide,on what to do?'

But would he?You are kidding me with that question, right? I can't bare the heartbreak... But yet your husband
must bare the heart break.

This LOVE MARRIAGE crap SUCKS!!!!!!!!Yeas they way you do it.

Sometimes I feel that maybe I should just be single. What am I to do.I dont know.I am Unhappy in my marriage... should I just stay to make H happy?Oh please .Stop playing the martyr role. If it´s true what you are saying. Just leave.


Should I leave an be by myself...Perhaps

should I continue with OM after leaving...Why the question? He is perfect you say..

I need mental help I think.. Not mental help.But talk to a IC would be a great idea.No matter the course of action you chose to take..Whoever said this was like a mental illness I think was partly right.
 

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You say you don't want to leave him because it would destroy him,but what do you think it's going to do to him when he finds out what you've been doing behind his back? The one good thing that might come from it is that it might knock you off the pedestal he apparently has you on and allow him to move on.That might be the best win/win for you both in a way.
 

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Discussion Starter #20
You say you don't want to leave him because it would destroy him,but what do you think it's going to do to him when he finds out what you've been doing behind his back? The one good thing that might come from it is that it might knock you off the pedestal he apparently has you on and allow him to move on.That might be the best win/win for you both in a way.
You are right...I want to tell him I am trying to gather the courage... he also has a VERY bad temper..and I do fear he would hurt me.BADLY
 
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