Hi...I apologize in advance for what I am sure will be a long post and is a common problem as well. Just that I honestly don't have I believe anyone to really talk with about this. My wife gave me the "I love you but not in love with you" statement a few weeks ago and stopped intimacy. Its been incredibly tough for me to deal with as it has been for countless others. A brief history on me to add some context and not seek empathy. Tough childhood riddled with poverty, parent's addictions, and physical/emotional abuse (mother tried to kill me...I am somewhat estranged from my parents). Studied my ass off, got a full scholarship, and got out. Fast forward and I met my wife around age 27. Got married and she wanted to work part time but mainly stay at home with the kids and raise them. Okay. But then our babysitting situation fell through and she had to quit so we were strapped for cash. Recession hit and I worked my ass off to make more money. Volunteered for toughest roles. It was so bad I recall my wife calling me one day asking if we had enough money in the bank to make the mortgage. From childhood my fear of poverty was awful so I threw everything I had into providing for my family. And yes, I was extremely stressed and developed and even shorter fuse and also became withdrawn. On Thanksgiving for example the family would sit at the table and talk for hours and I would make my way to the couch and sit alone and watch TV. I needed to retreat. My short fuse I should add didn't end with physical abuse on my family or anything but I would yell a lot and really sweat the small stuff. Get pissed about house not being clean, etc. Anyways, I didn't ever stop doing special things for the wife though. Always told her I loved her, brought home random gifts, spent what money I could on her, wrote notes, everything I could. Always has a new car in the driveway for her. Work just got worse and as work got worse my fuse and withdrawing did. I love my wife and won't bad mouth her (never call hr names or curse at her) but she did her own nasty things as well...like insult me, complain how her life sucks with staying home with the kids, and also make fun of me to be honest. She also told me she was withdrawing more as she is always exhausted and in truth she is going through early menopause. So I worked harder so she could get help and really felt awful that I was making ends meet to let her stay home but life sucked so bad for her. I also felt that I took my vows and was going to honor them. If her withdrawing was due to medical reasons, and that is how life is, I will make the best of it. A little more history. I am also a volunteer fireman (was always an athlete), a good one I might add, and in great shape. Recently, before my wife told me this, I saved several people that were in a horrific situation. It was really bad and we were short handed so a lot was on me. It was early in the AM and after the call I came home and just sat there as no one was awake yet (I should add that my wife kicked me out of bed a long time ago due to my snoring...but she recently told me that was not the only reason). I took it all in, the woman screaming for my help, the blood, the danger. Just sat there and a calm came over me after that. I felt like a failure for so long, couldn't make enough money, couldn't solve my wife's exhaustion, couldn't make her happy with her life. But the depression just went away. The anger was gone. I was honestly happy again. Felt worthy. And then I got slammed with the "statement" a week or so later. Work is also less stressed I might add as I finally "made it" and make serious $$$s and we can do everything we wanted now. I no longer sit there and not want people over or not socialize as I don't have to stress as much financially. But now I am in limbo. She says she needs time to think and distance with me not being all over her or lovey as I normally am. We talk so much now, make eye contact, and she walks around the house scantily clad from time to time. Just really not sure how to proceed. I believe in life that what you exude is contagious. Hence, if I exude love, passion, and happiness to my wife it will return. And in truth I was SO happy. But now it is awkward at times and to be honest my heart is broken and I feel pain like I haven't felt since our son passed away (another tragic event we had to cope with during our marriage). But I am not letting it bring me down. I don't let her see the pain anymore and I am trying to make the best of it.
I don't know...sorry for the long post...just lost my friends...
I don't know...sorry for the long post...just lost my friends...