Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 20 of 26 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
8 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I'm not sure how I should feel. I just found out that my husband set up some type of "domestic asset trust..." account, basically like a prenuptial agreement with me needing to know about it protecting him if anything happens. What is killing me is that he couldn't just come out and say something instead of going behind my back. I feel as if a part of me just died inside. I don't want his money. I've been married and divorced before and I didn't take anything that time around. I just basically packed my things, grad my cat and left. I didn't take the house or ask for money. Nothing. Now I feel I don't know him and wondering what else is he hiding from me. I feel like I should just walk away from this marriage to. I just don't know how I should be feeling right now. My heart feels like its been stabbed.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
15 Posts
If someone leaves their H once, I don't think much about it, people make mistakes but if it happens second, and third time than it sounds like a pattern.

How exactly he went behind your back? You said:

"basically like a prenuptial agreement with me needing to know about it protecting him if anything happens"

So did he let you know about it or didn't he?

I think people should protect their assets and it is nothing to do with trust or love, it is just a common sense these days when anyone can take to court anybody and it is not always fair.

I am not on the deed on our house that my husband bought before we were married. We have put in a lot of work to make this a better home (complete remodel) and my H has said that if we ever sold this house I would get my share - the investment I have made work wise.

Did you talk to your H about it? It sounds to me that maybe you already had some second thoughts and you were just looking for a reason.

More info really would be nice to judge your situation.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8 Posts
Discussion Starter #3
My first marriage was a long time ago and he was physically abusive. It's been over 10 years since I decide I was ready for a relationship. And no my husband didn't talk to me about it. That's the part that's killing me. Why didn't he fell he could say something to me. I wouldn't have cared. I only found out because he left it up on the computer when I sent to use it to log into my email. The phrase that he used "just in case" also kills me. All I can think of is I'm glad I didn't change me last name yet...I mean "just in case" if he were to divorce me I would go through the trouble to having to change it back. I'm also glad that we don't have kids and I don't want them..."just in case..." I'm just so angry about the fact that he didn't say anything at all to me.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,011 Posts
holy crap, are you seriously going to go into a marriage and not pour yourself into it? why are you not talking this out with him? you have no kids, so whats the danger? the worst that can possibly happen is that you and him disagree and you go your separate ways.

to be honest with you, i think you need to change the way you view marriage. it will always be a work in progress, so look at it that way. if you aren't getting better, than you ARE getting worse.

so, sit down and talk with him. come up with a plan and find a way for you to feel better that works for him too. if you can do that, you wont only be "OK", you will thrive.

your problem right now is very temporary. find a way to make it work. come up with something..
 
  • Like
Reactions: jld

·
Registered
Joined
·
8 Posts
Discussion Starter #6
I was up front with my finances as for him he's made it clear...it's his house...his money etc. That's why I haven't bother unpacking anything. I couldn't even park in the driveway for the first 2 years for crying out loud. I had to park down the street. I wasn't allowed to hang Christmas decorations or plant things in the yard, because everything is his.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,586 Posts
Hmmmm, how did you happen to fall in love with a man whose personal boundaries are so...tight? He certainly doesn't share very much does he? This isn't strictly about assets. It's about merging two lives together and he is making you feel like a renter in your own home...or what should be your own home.
 
  • Like
Reactions: jdd and Jellybeans

·
Registered
Joined
·
8 Posts
Discussion Starter #8
I know...that's why I'm second guessing the whole thing. That's why I'm upset that he didn't say anything. I just have a hard time wrapping my brain round it. I can't believe that he thinks I would take anything. I have a life insurance policy and 401k at work all of which I left him the beneficiary... I have a feeling that I'm not his beneficiary and if anything happened to him I would be screwed. I keep brining that up to him and he doesn't seem to care.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
405 Posts
Has he been married before?

And how long have the two of you been married?

His behaviour does seem a tad odd - I can understand why he might have set up this trust and not told you about it, but the constant making clear that everything is his sounds over the top.

If you are not his beneficiary if he dies, who do you suppose is? Does he have children?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8 Posts
Discussion Starter #10
We have been married less than a month. He doesn't have any children. The domestic asset protection trust will leave him the beneficiary and someone else the trustee... Not sure if he listed anyone else if he dies. But it's not me. I guess I should change the beneficiaries on my accounts.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,180 Posts
I was up front with my finances as for him he's made it clear...it's his house...his money etc. That's why I haven't bother unpacking anything. I couldn't even park in the driveway for the first 2 years for crying out loud. I had to park down the street. I wasn't allowed to hang Christmas decorations or plant things in the yard, because everything is his.
You knew this 2 years ago and since you said you have only been married for a month, then in those two years you should have seen the writing on the wall.

He sounds like a selfish man and I got a feeling that you will never feel comfortable in that house for fear of moving something or using something that is his and that's a bad way to start off a marriage.

Why did he say you can't use the driveway. It's a god damn driveway made of asphalt or concrete not gold.

IMO don't unpack because I have a feeling that your going to be repacking in the near future.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8 Posts
Discussion Starter #12
I think you're right. I think I'm just a stupid romantic. The signs are there. I'm just a dreamer looking for happily ever after. He said that he was content with being alone. I should have listen to that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,877 Posts
I think I'm just a stupid romantic. The signs are there. I'm just a dreamer looking for happily ever after. He said that he was content with being alone.
Well, I'm sorry for your circumstances. But from where I'm sitting, I wouldn't attribute them to being a romantic, stupid or otherwise.

If you were looking for "happily ever after" you were only kidding yourself. You couldn't park your car in his driveway? Uh, that's not a healthy sign. And it happened two years ago.

When he showed you who he is, you should have believed him. If you want to be a victim, by all means stay with him. But, as it is, this man is content to be alone.

You should seriously consider allowing him to be content.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
934 Posts
I don't understand this story. How did the marriage coming about? What was the courting period like? How is it possible that he said you could not use the driveway? I'm missing something here.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
240 Posts
I completely agree with you.

Finding that on his computer was a blessing in disguise. If you were in an honest relationship, he would have flat out told you before marriage and why he's doing it.

It is VERY easy for him to keep things from you. That itself will be a huge problem. He can hide things from you and not feel guilty, thus hiding more things from you will be no sweat as far as he's concerned.

And the parking thing down the street is just tacky. He was lying to you about things then and its obvious, he still is.

Either stay married and always be on alert or get out now. Invest your time into a guy that shares everything with his partner.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,011 Posts
I don't understand this story. How did the marriage coming about? What was the courting period like? How is it possible that he said you could not use the driveway? I'm missing something here.
im starting to wonder the same thing...
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
5,485 Posts
I'm not sure how I should feel. I just found out that my husband set up some type of "domestic asset trust..." account, basically like a prenuptial agreement with me needing to know about it protecting him if anything happens. What is killing me is that he couldn't just come out and say something instead of going behind my back. I feel as if a part of me just died inside. I don't want his money. I've been married and divorced before and I didn't take anything that time around. I just basically packed my things, grad my cat and left. I didn't take the house or ask for money. Nothing. Now I feel I don't know him and wondering what else is he hiding from me. I feel like I should just walk away from this marriage to. I just don't know how I should be feeling right now. My heart feels like its been stabbed.
These days, marriage is a very big risk for guy. The only upside is legitimate children, for those who want that. So, I think these trusts are good, generally. It's all the other stuff you talk about that puts me in agreement with everyone else.

How old are you?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,011 Posts
regardless of the situation, you can always make it better. dont strive for perfection. perfection is unrealistic. strive for excellence.

excellence is... better than it was before. nothing more, nothing less.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
327 Posts
None of this makes any sense to me. You couldn't park in his driveway? And yet you chose to marry him?

I can't imagine why you'd want to be married to someone who wouldn't let you park in his driveway.

Get an annulment.
:iagree:

This.
Life is too short to be stuck in a dead end miserable relationship. You have picked up and left once before, you can do it again.
 
1 - 20 of 26 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top