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I am the one who wrote "Fiance suffers from Anxiety, Depression and Chronic Pain"

To night I am just flustered. My fiance and I have been going through a tough time lately. I went away this weekend on a trip and just for some reason thought that since I was away that maybe the time apart would maybe give us both sometime to relax and bit and start fresh when I got home. Wrong.

When I left on Friday, I thought that I would try to lift her spirits a little, so I post on her Facebook wall a nice little note about how I much I loved her and appreciated her. If anything I thought she would hit the like button. Not a response, like a never put there, never said a word. Couldn't tell you if she appreciated it or despised me for hit. It was a little bummer to say the least.

Tonight I get home from my trip and wasn't in the door very long and could tell something was up. So I waited patiently and then it came out. Apparently, my mother who dropped my son off this morning made some comment to her and got her all upset. There went my hopes of starting fresh this week.

My fiance has always had trouble with my mother.

A little about my mother, she grew up with an abusive alcoholic father and those affects have followed her through her life. Growing up she was very hard on my sister and I, but over the years we have just grown used to her and now when I need to I just put her in her place in gentle way, if possible. She can be very hard and sometimes can say things in a tone or way that stings a little. I'm used to it and igore it most of the time. On the other hand my mother can be one of the most giving and loving people you would ever meet. She just complex and we love her for who she is. I know she does a few issues with my fiance in the fact that she feels my fiance has taken a little more than she has given. Overall, she has always treated my fiance with respect.

I couldn't believe when she said to me "So what have you said to your mother about me lately", it's like holy crap, now what. Truthfully, I don't say much to my mother about our relationship. So here I am stunned, more so that I thought maybe we just might start fresh, but now my mother has got her all upset. So I tried to talk to her about, but now she said she's done talking, because "she tried to share with me and all I did was get upset". Yes, I did, it just took me by surprise thats all and it's my fault because she tried to share and I got bent out of shape.

I have apologized for my mother since we met, she is who she is and not much we can do to change her now.

I feel like I'm going crazy and she's up lying on the couch not talking to me. Maybe I do need to listen better and keep my mouth shut. Just looking for thoughts.
 

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...you would get a lot better advice and insight into the issues you face if you kept all of your discussions and questions in one thread......there is a lot going on in your relationship that is lost by how you are approaching this.

For starters, it is not your place to apologize for your mom....your fiance is grown and can speak her mind........she certainly speaks to you directly doesn't she?

and what exactly did your mom do or say to antagonize her? Makes a lot of difference to the advice you might get here?

and does the fact that your mom was dropping off your son enter into this? Your first thread was about how poorly your fiance was treating him.

I am sorry you are so confused by your fiance's feelings and actions. But remember that you can not control her, only how you react to her. So this is gut check time.....is she really being reasonable and acting withing loving boundaries? If not, how are you going to react to that to enforce those boundaries. If you don't change how you react, then welcome to the rest of your life......

....I know that this is at least your third thread here, and different pieces of information are present in each. I have paid attention because hearing about your son's treatment really hit me hard inside. And I also suppose you just hate it when I am the one posting so much on your threads, because I am trying to force you to take a hard and realistic look at what her actions are, and the impact on you and your son. Please start being realistic about what is going on around you as a whole, not bit by bit......I am truly worried about both you and son.
 

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I read this thread and the other one, and as much as I hate to say it, I think you are with someone who can't provide for you what you need or are looking for. You can care about her and love her all day long, but in the end you know thats not enough. What you're looking for in her, just isn't there, for whatever reason.
 

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Could you have said that you know that your mom upsets her and you feel bad about that. Just try to show that you realize that she has problems dealing with your mom without defending your mom.
Your fiance really needs to start using "I" statements. "You" statements cause fights!
 
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