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Well, he sorta does.

I don't advise it... but he could. And to make it truly equal, he'd hid it for 15 years and then come clean.
When she did what she did they were not married. Even if I accepted your premise, and I don't, the situations are not the same.

The notion that another wrong can make things right is mistaken and dangerous.
 
The great thing about it is..this guy is still a complete LOSER after all these years. I googled mapped where he lives in it's a complete dump. I can't find any "professional" information on him so I'm guessing he's still a wanna be intellect drunk. I did get great satisfaction knowing he didn't amount to sh!t whereas I'm fairly successful at life.

It does upset me she went to this loser as a replacement for me. That hurts a bit. I told the therapist it was a 2 sided sword. On one hand, he wasn't this great, successful, attractive man and on the other he was a fat, fake intellect, romantic POS. Which is worse?

I can't believe I didn't pick up on the clues. I remember back then he had an infatuation for my wife, but I was like whatever, this loser turd has no chance. I didn't know here mental state and he just upped the game and got her to believe his bull$hit.

I'm stil heavily considering divorce but part of that is I'm a stubborn POS. I keep saying think of the children but then again I'd also want a wife who was faithful, trustworthy and honest.
And one who would not put up with any abuse from you, huh?

Before you fix your wife, or move on to wife number 2, you need to fix yourself.
 
Wow, that was not called for. He has not abused her in anyway. She is cheating without remorse.

Seriously did you read the thread?
When I read this

I told my wife, we'll see how understanding and forgiving you'll be when you have to wear the shoe. She said she understood and really couldn't say which way or what she'd do. I called her a hypocrite for expecting me to be willing to work through this and reconcile when she clearly wouldn't be able to do so. In so many words, she said she'd have to think about it. A part of me really believes that she would be ok with this but she can't really say go do it and/or that she condones it. Like many of you already pointed out, it might be a way for her to relieve her own guilt for doing what she did.
I feel pity for her, yes she made a mistake, but he now is like a tyran seeking revenge and emotionally abusing this poor woman. It's 15 years ago and she is very sorry. There is no need for his cruelty and I really think he display's not being worth her love.
 
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I feel pity for her, yes she made a mistake, but he now is like a tyran seeking revenge and emotionally abusing this poor woman. It's 15 years ago and she is very sorry. There is no need for his cruelty and I really think he display's not being worth her love.
So she screwed around, denied everything for 15 years, confirmed only when pressed and he's now not worth her love, what
 
When I read this



I feel pity for her, yes she made a mistake, but he now is like a tyran seeking revenge and emotionally abusing this poor woman. It's 15 years ago and she is very sorry. There is no need for his cruelty and I really think he display's not being worth her love.
I don't suppose there's any point to mentioning that the betrayal still feels raw for the BS. She may have done it years ago but the betrayal feels like it occurred yesterday. Not all of us are jesus so lets just accept that rather than trying to act like him.
 
Hmmm...I get the feeling that reacting to this only leads to the typical internet bullying...
 
I is my interpretation that he was speaking to her explaining things so that she would begin to empathize with what he is feeling. She cheated and lied for 15 years about it.

Because she successfully lied for 15 years does not mean she gets a pass. He's deeply hurt, and she is not being sympathetic to his pain.

i do not think he was actually having an RA, he was just trying to get through to her.
 
I have read the begin again, and it is clear the usual anger is being displayed, understandable but too much if this is 15 years ago and the wife is being sad and remorsefull about it.

Sometimes the reactions are just too hateful and unforgiving brutal.

Do not forget that whether you end up here as BS or WS is not alway a matter of character but sometimes a matter of coincedence.
 
An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth is the road to perdition for everyone.
 
Well I for once do not understand the logic that just because cheating happened years ago, the offender gets a free pass. If anything it's an aggravating circumstance, where BS was kept for a fool all these years, denied the crucial life choices by the web of lies.
 
I have no idea why people seem to think cheating isn't as big of a deal as long as marriage isn't part of the equation. So if they had been together for 15 years had 3 kids and had never been married she could have cheated all throughout the relationship and it would have been okay??

Just sounds like a very warped view of relationships and marraige in general. Especially since marriage doesn't seem to be that much of a deterrent to keep people from cheating anyway.
 
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Snap and Jasel, you are thinking in terms of revenge, that only leads to people being in a bad place for themselves.

If you learn to forgive (and that is not about rug sweeping) you become a better person, in a good place.

One has to see this, one can't be convinced by arguments to get it. Sorry.
 
Snap and Jasel, you are thinking in terms of revenge, that only leads to people being in a bad place for themselves.

If you learn to forgive (and that is not about rug sweeping) you become a better person, in a good place.

One has to see this, one can't be convinced by arguments to get it. Sorry.
What exactly is the OP forgiving? Its 15 years ago. His wife doesn't remember much of the details and whatever he might have been able to discover has been lost to time. He was not given a chance to evaluate her with this information included. Had he known about this the last 15 years of his life may have been different. He was not given this choice. He feels that the last 15 years, however good or bad they've been, is a lie. You can't understand that?
 
What exactly is the OP forgiving? Its 15 years ago. His wife doesn't remember much of the details and whatever he might have been able to discover has been lost to time. He was not given a chance to evaluate her with this information included. Had he known about this the last 15 years of his life may have been different. He was not given this choice. He feels that the last 15 years, however good or bad they've been, is a lie. You can't understand that?
Also some can not understand that what is ancient history to the WW is brand new to the BH as well as living a lie.
 
Also some can not understand that what is ancient history to the WW is brand new to the BH as well as living a lie.
Shouldn't be that difficult to understand, eh?
 
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