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Hey Gramon,

Don't overthink it right now, but you too are in a kind of a fog as well. Which is perfectly normal. It takes right action and time to gain some clarity.
 

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G, pay attention !!!! Get the VAR !!!

You are doing well, but you still don't quite get it.
As you are starting to see, this is NOT the woman you married, and we are giving you advice concerning ALL her moods as of D day.
Take your fone if it has a camera and let her see you recording her the VERY NEXT Time she goes off.
Especially if it's at the kids.
Don't let her put you on the defensive using the kids safety, it's just another tactic, since you are giving her no insight, it's killing her not knowing.
She's still seeing him, so she's not fogging.
She's afraid of what you are going to do, and that fear is expressed in anger.
Tell her "I may not care right now if you got ran over by a bus, but my kids are going to live long healthy lives."

If you want, tell her we are D'ing, we can do it nicely, or we can do it dirty, but I'm getting YOU out of my life.
If she goes on about the kids being hurt, ask if she was thinking of them when she was wallowing in the mud.

You see G, you have to hit her where she don't think you will go. So flip the script. Give her Spock until she push a button, then go street on her as.
Get your point across and walk away.
 

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Get the VAR!

There is a reason everyone keeps saying it. Think about it like this... you could either regret spending the 50 bucks on it, or regret having absolutely no proof of the way she has been treating you when she starts convincing everyone you know that you are abusive, controlling, cheating, etc.
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Ok I'm listening but what if I don't want to lose the family... I do not want to divorce. I'm upper middle class, own a business with eighteen employees I built for twenty one years, her om is ultra rich, don't know yet if he is married
I am having trouble coming to terms, I'm logical but having great difficulty
You are fortunate in that her OM is rich. That means that at least while she is in the "affair fog", you may be able to get a divorce on reasonably favorable terms because she will want to get it over quickly to be with her "soulmate".

So in this sort of case I would file immediately and hope that is how she reacts; if you wait until she cools down on him, it will probably be much more expensive to get rid of her.
 

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I can't imagine the level of hurt you feel right now.

I'm afraid that this doesn't bode well for your marriage. I have seen couples heal after one affair but your wife is clearly a serial cheater.

You owe it yourself to walk away from someone who doesn't have any respect for you or your marriage. I wish you well.
 

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Bra on whenever you feel hopeless go back and read LuvMyJava's thread. He went through a very similar experience and he's coming out on top.

Don't stop believing that life will get better. It will.
 

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Discussion Starter #210
Man thanks I will read it and yes the hurt is terrible especially on days like today... I went early and rode the bike, then came back and got kids ready for church. She wanted to go with us, so we all went just like old times. It was a great service. She worshipped God filled with spirit. Then as soon as we got out we went to eat and as soon as we got out she started attacking me verbally about anything and everything. Then we came home and she went "shopping". Very tough day
 

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Man thanks I will read it and yes the hurt is terrible especially on days like today... I went early and rode the bike, then came back and got kids ready for church. She wanted to go with us, so we all went just like old times. It was a great service. She worshipped God filled with spirit. Then as soon as we got out we went to eat and as soon as we got out she started attacking me verbally about anything and everything. Then we came home and she went "shopping". Very tough day
Your wife is not a Christian woman if she is cheating on her husband. You should tell the pastor about her affair and see what he or she says. I bet that would throw your wife for a loop.

She has learned that she can mistreat you and get away with it. That's why she's so disrespectful and openly having an affair.

While I don't blame you for your wife's infidelity, I wonder if your passive behavior was a contributing factor. It is hard for a woman to respect a man who doesn't stand up for himself. I have a strong feeling that her affair partner is the complete opposite of you when it comes to being firm and decisive.
 

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Ugh... your wife is blind.

You can hate her if you want. I doubt many would call you wrong if you did. I certainly wouldnt...

But, still, your wife is completely blind. She wishes for grace... but, she has not yet laid down her own failings. She has not yet accepted who she is. She WANTS to be forgiven of her sins, but she has not yet accepted that she has sinned.

It seems to me that you still want to save your marriage. If that is so, gather proof of her actions. Then expose her, to everyone...

Should you do such a thing, remember that you will have to defend her from those telling you to leave her. You will have to try and explain that she has been ignoring what is true, and that you are willing to let that go, so long as you see that she is not ignoring it anymore.


It would be far easier for you to divorce her.

Let me make this clear to you: unless you are willing to do ANYTHING to crush the way she chooses to see herself, you will do nothing worth while. For her OR for you.

It IS possible for you to continue being married to her, and build a rich life with her. But that life will be far different than anything you are used to, or are even comfortable with, as you are right now.

Choose which path you want to go down. Just make sure you are willing to commit to the path you choose.
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Your wife is not a Christian woman if she is cheating on her husband. You should tell the pastor about her affair and see what he or she says. I bet that would throw your wife for a loop.
Of course, if you want her back, you should absolutely have exposed her cheating to the pastor, as well as her other important people. You should be asking the pastor to talk to her about the 'godliness,' or lack thereof, of cheating.
 

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Man thanks I will read it and yes the hurt is terrible especially on days like today... I went early and rode the bike, then came back and got kids ready for church. She wanted to go with us, so we all went just like old times. It was a great service. She worshipped God filled with spirit. Then as soon as we got out we went to eat and as soon as we got out she started attacking me verbally about anything and everything. Then we came home and she went "shopping". Very tough day
Wow, sounds familiar. We took our grandkids to church, late breakfast, was a good time. Then she goes to the river to "help a friend move". OM was there and Two hours later she TEXTS me that she wants a divorce and "I hope you understand".

It's depressing that we only find all the information about what is going wrong and why in places like this AFTER it's too late. I wish you better luck in your journey than I am having.
 

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Man thanks I will read it and yes the hurt is terrible especially on days like today... I went early and rode the bike, then came back and got kids ready for church. She wanted to go with us, so we all went just like old times. It was a great service. She worshipped God filled with spirit. Then as soon as we got out we went to eat and as soon as we got out she started attacking me verbally about anything and everything. Then we came home and she went "shopping". Very tough day
Omg

How does she do that ?

Church then affair ????

My ex n his family is the same n till now i cant understand .

Sin first forgiven again, so to be able to sin again ?

Dump her .


God didnt ask you to stay with a sinner who abuses your grace and kindness . God told me that one day . I left my ex who then accused me of "harbouring anger" and "unforgiveness" . WTF .
 

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You can still be a Christian and cheat. Happens every day. You shouldn't but Christians do as much bad as anyone else
Yes, but being a Christian means you are to be held accountable to your pastor, who is supposed to guide you. Having him look her in the face and saying 'Really? Really, Mrs. Gramon?" would go a long way toward making her think twice.

Remember, if you're trying to save your marriage, you WILL have to make her mad. Your marriage can survive her anger; it can't survive another man.
 
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