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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have been married for nearly 10 years now and lately I have been wondering if we are going to make it to our 10th anniversary. Things are really getting me down more and more and I am becoming to resent him. I am losing all the respect for him and without the respect...what do you have?
See, we both work full time but the difference is that I work 60-70 hours a week and he is only doing 38. He doesn't do any house work what so ever and he refuses to look after our two kids but then he has a nerve to complain because I left washing on the line for two days. He was home on those two days. What was stopping him from doing him? He tells me that his job is to pay bills and that's it. Well, last Friday I took all the bills from the last 6 months and showed them to him. It turned out that money he was giving me wasn't paying for more then 20% and then there is food, clothing....He thought that I am having money left over from the bills and am waisting them on shopping. Anyway, after he's seen the bills he told me that I only showed him the bills to make him feel like a loser, less of a man...I didn't. I showed him that I have been paying most of the bills and everything else because I wanted him to see how much money goes on them because he spends the rest of his pay on going out and getting drunk. That is HIS money. And he tried to argue by saying that "our kids are well taken care of and they want for nothing...." Yeah, that's true but not because of him. He has never bought them a present for birthdays or Xmases. He never payed any school fees. All the stuff they have came from my paycheck and I have to hide money from him or he would spend every single cent.
So what do I nag him about? I have asked him 100s of times to pick up kids from school on his days off and he tells me he can't because he is meeting friends or he was planing to play his video game so I have to get my mum to pick them up and look after them until I get home from work. Last time he was on holidays for 4 weeks he didn't want to look after them because he needed time to relax so once again my mum had to do it. These are his kids just as much as mine. They didn't just happen. We planned both of them.
What happened to 50-50 in a partnership? I set down today and worked it out that I would be financially better off without him. And I would have more time for kids too as he is very demanding. Dinner has to be cooked, house spotless, dogs have to be walked, garden neat....But he doesn't do ANYTHING!!!!! I really hate him for it. And last Saturday it was our son's birthday party and he decided he wasn't going to go. He said he's been to few of his parties and that is enough. Am I over reacting?????:confused: I really don't know what to do anymore. But I think what affects me the most is that when he gets drunk he wakes me up and starts yelling at me and calling me names and telling me how he had to get drunk because of me. How he knows that I have a boyfriend and how I am planning to leave him for that other man. He calls me a **** and couple of times he woke up kids too to "let them know that their mother is a **** and she will leave them when she takes off..." That is just not normal. First of all, I don't have time to sleep around and the second thing is, like I would leave one idiot and go with another. I don't think so. If I ever leave my husband I will have to be single for at least 5-10 years to get over this anger toward men (all because of him).
How the hell did I end up with someone like this? I am quite smart, outgoing, enjoy (or used to) life, non drinker....and look what I married.
I guess I took up enough of your time so I better shut up. There will be more time to complain about it all.
I don't know what I want anymore but I am becoming scared that I am going to become one of those old bitter women unhappy with the whole world. That was never supposed to be me. How do I stop myself from becoming just that?????
 

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This man reminds me of my father. It seems like he is just as unhappy as you are, but his reasons are not so obvious. There is no reason that you should have to put up with the way he behaves. When it comes to the children he shouldn't have an option on whether or not he is going to help out. But you already know that. I would seek a professional to sit down with both of you and discuss everything. And I would present it to your husband as a last chance. Tell him that as things are now you are looking to fix the relationship. However if you don't see a change you are looking to leave. My father did these same things because he was not happy. My mother just went on and ignored him. They were married for 41 years and he decided to leave it all for another woman. So he had the new life and was able to walk away from all of the responsibilities that he never had in the old one. It took this for her to see that everything she did had gone unnoticed. You don't want to pour your heart into something that only makes you sad or angry. But this you also already know. My mother is bitter and hates all men and the world around her. Atleast you know what you are trying to avoid... Good luck with whatever you decide.
 

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Your husband is a drunk, uncaring, lazy, self centered, immature dolt. If this is really what your home life is like then dump him and carry on with your life. If he is turning you into a man hater then staying with him will just make it worse. Find a good lawyer and file for divorce. You deserve better and there are many men out there that would be glad to have a wife like you. Good luck and take care.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I have tried to get him to come with me to counseling but he bluntly told me that he doesn't need to pay $300 per hour to someone to tell him he is an idiot.
I suspect that he is depressed but he refuses to go and see anyone about it. At the moment I can't just leave as I don't feel ready yet and as long as I don't feel ready I don't want to put any ultimatums in front of him . I don't want to give him any empty threats. Once I am 100% sure I know what I want then I can tell him where he stands if things don't change.
And for the lawyer... Well, I am lucky that both of us had nothing when we got married so everything we have now will have to be shared and by law I will and up with at least 70% of everything because of the kids being so young. So I am not worried about money. I have a great job too so that's taken care of. My main issue is, how are the kids going to take all this. They are only 6 and 9.
If I knew that they would be ok I'd be out of here before you could say "OVER!".
 

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Yes, kids are always the ones to worry about the most when a marriage goes bad. It may be hard for them, but how much damage is being done to them by a drunkard screaming profanities about his wife in the middle of the night?
 

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The kids don't seem to be getting any of his time/energy as it is and they certainly should not be in earshot of his drunken rampages. They would actually get more of your time as you wouldn't have to worry about dinner on the table, etc. all you are currently doing for your husband. They will be much better off in a peaceful environment. The last thing you want is for them to think the way your husband treats you is okay or normal, because they will emulate what they see as they get older.
 

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I think the worst thing a couple can do is stay married for the kids. Lets think about what your teaching them. That normal is being in a marriage that is verbely abusive, that normal is not caring about the other person, that normal is fighting with your spouce and so on. At such a joung age they look at your relationship and that is the building blocks for them when they grow up. Look at your relationship and ask yourself. Is this what I want my kids to be like when they are older?
 

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wait a second here....you work 60-70 hours a week.....Plus you have a Boyfriend???? Did I read this right???

So he gets drunk because the woman he married is NEver home and is banging some other guy?? then tells me that I am a slob??

I agree what ever happened to 50/50 and a marriage? My wife and I both work 40 hours each a week and balance our house work and neither are dating anyone else....but hey that is what I thought a marriage was working together, and sure we have quarrels about the laundry and dirty dishes, but hey, both working full time jobs with kids, is tough and a house will never be clean, unless you have a maid.

I think you are both to blame here and you both should move on woith out each other, The poor kids in this dysfunctional marriage.
 

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GAsoccer

You did not read it right. Her husband accuses her of having a boyfriend during his drunken rants. She states she does not so you are off base. As far as her calling him a slob I think she’s hit the nail on the head. There are always two sides to a story but if this is an accurate portrayal of him he’s pretty much a loser and she’d be better off getting him out of her life as well as the children’s lives.
 

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Sorry My bad...late at nigth reading, sometimes my brain is fried.

After reading.....Dump the loser and move on....your kids will thank you
 

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No man should act like that. He needs to tighten his belt, stand straight and act LIKE A MAN. Not a idiot. Either get VERY firm and get him in shape, or tell him how you feel and you're almost done with him...

That'd be angering to see someone doing that...
 
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