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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My H and I have been married for 11 years, together for 13. I am 46 and he is 39. The beginning years were mostly perfect. Love, affection, healthy sex life, attention etc. At the 7 yr. itch mark it happened, a brief "emotional affair" with his 20 yr. old secretary and I was prepared to end the marriage. Going in to our marriage I had been previously married to someone who cheated on me with his receptionist and my H swore he would never repeat my pain.
He is a lawyer and likes attention...ALOT of attention...his ego is huge. Not to mention the strain of trust issues at this point, but he also has what I call an un-healthy "bro-mance" issue. Instead of spending time with me to help repair our marriage, he focuses all of his extra time on his young associate @work ie. working out, hunting, constant texting etc. or with one of his other buddies. I spend most evenings alone or if he is there he is texting them. I feel like he is back in high school or college.
If we go out somewhere, he is in constant contact with them telling everything we are doing. I feel very jealous. Sounds weird I know, but I feel like the low man on the totem pole. Our sex life is now almost non-existent...maybe once every couple of months if I'm lucky. (sex is very good when we have it) I am attractive and out-going...but this has driven me into a state of depression and on medication/counseling. I don't understand why he would say he wants to stay married when he doesn't participate in the marriage.
He is perceived as the perfect husband to everyone else and shuts me out when we are alone. It is very frustrating and I have even questioned him about being gay. He is not.
When we fight he is very cruel with his words and has convinced me that everything is my fault. Whenever I bring up an emotion that I am feeling his response is always that I am criticizing him. I am really lost about what to do and have proposed separation and divorce many times but he says he loves me.
Actions speak louder than words and I am confused and hurting.
I need advice or insight....PLEASE HELP ME!!!!
THANKS SO MUCH....God Bless.:confused:
 

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Are you sure it's a man he's talking to?
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Positive...it is really making me uncomfortable too because if one of his guy friends is on vacation he picks up with a different one for the week. I get zero attention. I guess they feed his ego more than I do.
 

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Weird. I have not been through this...I would suspect him to be gay or something.
 

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With respect, I don't think it means he's gay or anything like that. I think it's that he wants to go out and do guy centric things like hunting and golfing, etc without having to feel the pressure of having to bring along his wife to "spoil the fun".

Now don't get me wrong, I think this is a very bad thing to do to a marriage and wouldn't do it myself. But I do see what he is doing. It's just something a guy who is single would be more likely to do than a married man. I can see the occasional trip to a baseball game with the guys, but on the whole he should be including you in his activities.
 

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Marital counseling, on the double! If he doesn't want to divorce you and you both don't want you to be miserable then you need help. This isn't a bad thing - if your husband won't listen to you, maybe he'll listen to someone else about you. You know, like a second opinion. Also, maybe counseling will give him some of the attention he craves while also doing something positive for your guys's relationship.
 

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With respect, I don't think it means he's gay or anything like that. I think it's that he wants to go out and do guy centric things like hunting and golfing, etc without having to feel the pressure of having to bring along his wife to "spoil the fun".

Now don't get me wrong, I think this is a very bad thing to do to a marriage and wouldn't do it myself. But I do see what he is doing. It's just something a guy who is single would be more likely to do than a married man. I can see the occasional trip to a baseball game with the guys, but on the whole he should be including you in his activities.
:iagree:

Yes. This is likely it. A lot of men go through this. Some spend their life in this mode.

This type of thing is actually encouraged on this forum for guys who are too focused on their wives. It is healthy to a point. What is being described in this thread seems beyond healthy though.
 
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