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This is my first post on this site. I've never done this before. At any rate, i figured it wouldn't hurt to try. I have been married to my husband for 3 years. We have been through more heartbreak and damage and baggage than most newly weds should ever have to think of! We have been separated twice, and tried to work things out. He would be amazing for about a month and then BAM, back to being his selfish, insensitive, self. After we got back together the first time, we bought a house and started fresh. Not 4 months in, I was finding myself ignored and unhappy. I found solice in a friend of mine for the last ten years (which ended UGLIER than my marriage at the time!) I went out all the time, never stayed home, and my husband and I became 2 ships in the night. One day he did something that finally set me off...I said I wanted to be done with this. This charade that we were performing. He stayed with my brother while I found an apartment for me and my 2 girls from a previous marriage and he kept the house. He kept everything. He also drug my name through the mud to my own family. I became totally introverted and stayed away from everyone. At least till the dust settled. We had the papers drawn and everything. I started dating the friend of 10 years. Turns out he was insane so i went my separate ways. Thats neither here nor there. However, spending 10 years thinking this person hung the moon...and then having everything ripped from me? Slightly damaging. I've never been insecure...paranoid...or one that doesn't trust people. In fact i trust to easily and end up getting used. Story of my life. Until now. about 3 months later my husband called me...sent me flowers for Easter and we danced in the rain till5 am. I stayed in the apartment and he stayed in the house and we worked things out. I'm now back in the house and I find myself very insecure. I feel like I'm dragging him down. He has no children of his own and I can't give him any. So today I jumped online to look at something and his facebook was up. Of course...like an idiot..I read conversations he had with other girls/women. They were all before we got back together, but needless to say it still hurt to read what he thought about me. BUT, the one thing that I have struggled with since we first got married, he mentioned to some girl....it was about how much he wanted children. He always tried to tell me he wasn't bothered by the fact that I couldn't have anymore. My youngest still calls him Daddy and the girls look up to him. But I feel like I'm robbing him from the true experience. He was mad that I broke him trust by looking through his stuff. He also said that "I didn't think we would get back together, so I said i wanted kids". Still makes me feel like garbage. I don't like feeling this sick over it all. I've never been like this. I don't think I can stand feeling this much of an inconvenience to him.... :(
 

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3Libras,

I have read and re-read your post twice since yesterday and I have a few questions.

When you say " I found solice in a friend of mine for the last ten years" do you mean you had an affair with him?

What was it your husband did that "finally set you off"?
 
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