HALLOWEEN EXCITEMENT-

Wow, last night was full of excitement and action. It was trick or treat night in our town from 6-8pm. I got the girls fed, homework done, and started having them get their costumes on. STBXW comes home early from work and does their makeup and hair and out the door they go. We have alot of stairs leading up to the front door so I go down to the bottom to give out candy so the little tikes don't have to climb all the way up.

As I'm standing there in the driveway I keep getting wiffs of propane or natural gas. There is a slight breeze so it's intermittent. Ten then fifteen minutes go by and the smell is stronger. So now I'm getting worried. My gas grill is right inside the garage door so between herds of kids I rush inside, into the garage and double check the shutoff valve on the tank. It's tight as hell, no smell in the garage either. I go back outside and walk across my yard to the neighbors house to ask him if he's smelled anything. As I cross over, the smell of gas hits me strong, heavy enough to make me gasp alittle. So I turn to the side of my house where my gas meter is located and walk over, sniffing as I go. I can smell gas around the meter area and as I walk right up to it I hear a hissing sound. I kneel down and put my hands around the pipes and feel a stream of gas coming out!!! Holy Sh!t.

So I run inside, grab the phone and the gas bill to call in an emergency. The gas co. dispatches a technician. Meanwhile kids are running all over our development getting candy. It just so happens the local fire dept sets up a rescue truck to hand out candy right near our house each year. So I go over and inform them about the situation and all hell breaks loose. They call in the gas leak, fire dept responds with a tanker truck. They baracade off my street and evacuate the area. My house is lit up like a major league ball field. Fire hoses litter the street ready to put down any fire that might erupt.

My wife and kids come around the circle in our development and see all this going on. W comes over and asks me what's going on so I tell her. She freaks alittle telling me to go get the girl's pets out of the house. I tell her it's OK, the leak is outside, not inside. She says are you sure, what if the girls bunnies die, they would be devestated. I reassure her they are fine. So she takes the kids on up into town to trick or treat while I deal with the situation at the house.

It takes the gas tech about 30mins to arrive. He inspects the leak, then turns off the main valve at the street. Then he takes a meter into the house to check for gas. There is a very small concentration in the garage right next to where the meter is located on the outside wall. So we manually open the doors to air it out. The house and surrounding area is deemed safe now. The tech does a closer inspection and determines the riser pipe has cracked underground somewhere and needs to be replaced. Now here's the catch. In my county, the property owner is responsible for the gas line between the street valve and the house! And the type of work requires a state certified plumber of which there are only a handful in the area. So now I'm looking at a $3-4 repair on top of all the other stuff I'm dealing with (D, custody, 2nd household expenses).

The gas tech gives me a list of plumbers to contact so I start making calls and get answering machines of course- it's 8pm at night. My dad calls me to see how this situation is going (I called him at the beginning) and gives me two more names. One is highly recommended, does all my parents work. So I call to see if this guy meets the certification requirements to do the work expecting to get a machine and his wife answers the phone! I tell her the situation and she gets her husband on the line. Nice service! He says he can do the work and is the gas tech still around, he'd like to ask some questions. I tell him yes and get them on the phone together. Gas tech says hi, is this so and so? Plumber says yes. Gas tech says hey buddy how's it going? Turns out they know each other and worked several jobs recently. So the questions get answered and plumber is scheduled to come this morning and start repairs. From their talk it appears the damage is less than first expected and I only need the riser pipe repaired and not the whole gas line replaced. Thank god.

Now, about the STBXW. After the dust settled last night, we're sitting talking about what to do since we have no heat or hot water and she tells me "This is a sign." I ask her what she means. She says "This was a sign we are supposed to be together, to protect each other." Geesh, I guess it could be but who knows? She says "This is a sign from God telling me to get my freakin act together. Because I need you and the girls need you. If you weren't here this could have been real bad. It could have leaked into the house suffocating us overnight, or built up overnight and ignited by a spark." I tell her even if it was a 'sign' that it fixes nothing between us. She tells me she's ready to work on us. I tell her it's alittle too late at this point. I'm moving on emotionally (trying to anyway), filed for D, filed for custody, got my own place, etc. She tells me shes willing to do anything I ask, total transparency, give up her cell if necessary, email access (I told her I can't get access to her company email which concerns me greatly). I told her I think she's just acting out of desperation. She says she can understand why I would think that but it's not true. She says she's ready to work on us and knows it will be very hard work but she's ready to put in the effort.

Our next door neighbor lent us a nice heater so we could stay at home last night. It's just easier with the girls and school and all instead of a hotel room. We agreed this morning that we need to request the 2nd conference tomorrow be rescheduled due to our circumstances. We can't make an 8:30am meeting and get the girls ready for school from a hotel room. So I will be calling my attorny at 9am to request a continuance into next week.

I'm going to be completely honest with myself here. I'm becoming very conflicted this last week since she started coming around. Love can be a very powerful drug. I keep trying to weigh the bad times, her outbursts, her betrayal, the broken trust and everything else negative from our past against the possibility of what could rise up from the ashes of this marriage. I think of the old saying "what doesn't kill you will make your stronger". I don't know. As you can see I'm struggling recently. I'm trying to keep a clear head about this, but her recent coming out of the fog seems to have rekindled a spark of hope within me that I guess never really died out. I'm not sure what direction I want to go anymore. My heart says "take a chance, try to make it work". My logic says "Don't let her fool you again and stomp on your heart. Get away now". If she had come out of the fog like this in May when I confronted her seriously with D, I believe we would be working on our marriage now. Assuming she didn't falter or break NC. Man this is really tough.

 

Maxter....in my opinion, nothing beats a failure, but a try. I would not be hard hearted even though your wife has created all these problems for the family. Now if I was you I would gage all things as they relate to the other. It would probably be cheaper to keep her as Johnnie Taylor (blues artist) says. Plus you get the benefit of security for your daughters. Now don't go in blind, cause she's got major issues and I don't think she has dealt with them honestly. But don't let pride get in the way of progress. Sometimes moving forward is a crooked street. I will be praying for your discernment on all the issues.

 

Thank you for the kind words and encouragement. I agree on the trying part. That's why I stayed through 3 1/2yrs of infidelity to try to make things work. I don't believe in just letting a failure happen on its own. I believe in doing everything humanly possible to prevent it. And yes, she's got many issues that need to be dealt with. I have my doubts about her ability to do that given that she was in therapy during the adulterous years but continued with the affair. I don't even know if that issue was part of her counseling. As I've said before, I didn't want to D. I felt I had no choice left after serious events unfolded in August. Events that said to me "There, take that. In your face!" Total disrespect that I and our children didn't deserve.

 

maxter, HiT's wife also had a "sign from God" to stay in the marriage- the feeling maybe lasted a day or two- just be careful

 

Yes, I remember that. Now her behavior has become very ugly. Hopefully God didn't tell her to try and run him and their son over

 

You should just carry on the divorce till you find out if she pregnant.

Think down the road. Have you decide if you can live with the fact she was with another man for 3.5 years?

 

Yeah, gas leak + her smoking = bad news

Demand she take the preg test today. While you ate both home and show it to you so you can see the results.

If the OM won't take her permanently, she may desperately be looking for you to support the kid?
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I used to work for emergency services (police/fire/ambulance) and spark from a phone (cordless) could even have set off explosion.
Make a list as to what wife has to do for you to stay in. No promises, no guarantees - just take it day by day. The future doesn't have to be decided today. I would lay it out on terms you need - you're in the driver's seat. I would go ahead with the formal legal separation, keep my place, and protect myself legally from her in regards to custody and debt. You don't have to decide today. You can decide to work on things with no promises until it's fixed or you can't do it anymore. Make it clear that working on it doesn't mean bailing her out financially. Let her do that on her own - it means working on the love.
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I think if she really wants to work on marriage then u should give it a try.

 

I agree.

 

It's good she realizes what she is going to miss. So there is some hope here. OTOH, it's very early in the R process.

So ... trust but verify. I would still get the voice recorder. All your other demands for counseling, transparency, accountability, responsibility, etc. stay on the table. I would keep the separate house, do the legal separation and get the custody arrangement through the court. And then move and get started with that lifestyle. Then she will know you are really really serious and she has to go *all in* to have any chance of getting you back. The D can be put on hold at that point while you figure it out with her.

One way to tell her about her conduct: tell her even the most loyal dog will stop coming back if it gets smacked over the head often enough. She needs to know first of all that the crap conduct has to stop. Now. One more outburst as happened at your home inspection and you are done considering R.

Good luck whatever you decide.

 

Maxter, crazy story! As to W having her sign and saying she is willing to do anything... firstly has she expressed any actual remorse for her actions? Acknowledged she has been making the wrong choices and caused you and your daughters all kinds of cruel suffering?

 

Yes, she has shown some remorse. The most recent was Friday the 28th later in the evening after the fiasco at my new place. See post #325, excerpt below. This time showed the most sincerity so far. Before this she has only said "I've made some big mistakes." a few times which acknowledges her poor judgment but doesn't connect it with the huge amount of damage she's done to me emotionally. I don't think she's to the point of grasping the severity of it. I still get the sense from her that she only wants R now out of desperation so she doesn't have to share custody, deal with the financial fallout, and be on her own. I get the feeling she wants me to say "Ok honey, let's give us another chance. I'll stay here and not move out or fight you for custody". It sort of feels like rugsweeping in that she wouldn't have to fight for me as hard if I just back off the D and custody.

After a bunch of cigs, she sits on the bed, crying & sobbing uncontrollably. Eventually when she can catch her breath, she apologizes to me! She tells me she's sorry for hurting me so badly. She doesn't want to loose her family, her children, her life. She wants me to stay. She wants to try to save our marriage. She wants to start very slow, with dinner date or movie. No pressure- just take it slowly. She tells me she wants to fall in love with me again like she felt before everything went to hell, before I drank, before I neglected her and pushed her away emotionally.

 

Has she ended all contact with OM?

 

I'll never really know for sure. And that could be my achilles heal. I may forever wonder if they are talking or texting or whatever behind my back.

I don't think they are in contact but I have no email access (her work or gmail account). I have no cell phone account access. All I do know is she has not called him from her car since that Monday in Sept she skipped work to go see him. She's told me several times the last couple weeks I can check her phone anytime. She has been leaving it lay around in the open, unlocked too.

She's been asking to slowly graduate into R, but I've been blowing her off. So I haven't made any requests for access to email or cell. I want this to come from her rather than me dictating conditions. I did that back in May, layed out all the requirements for R and she didn't do them. So I'm looking for effort from her to show her sincerity and willingness to put in the effort. But at the same time, If I repeatedly slam the door in her face she might give up.

 

Forgot to mention something. My wife went to see my landlord to apologize for her behavior Friday night during the fiasco at my new place. Although she didn't apologize to me for the same behavior.

 

Family spent the night in a hotel due to our gas line issue at the marital home. Hopefully it should be fixed by end of today. The girls had a blast swimming in the indoor pool and jacuzi as did I. STBXW brought mexican take out for the two of us. We ate in silence watching the kids splash and swim. After swimming we went up to the room and everyone got showers before bedtime then we watched a disney movie till 10pm before lights out.

This morning I called my attorney to see if the custody conference was rescheduled since neither the W or I ever got a confirmation back about it. It was moved out to Nov 21, 11am. Great! Right before Thanksgiving.

STBXW called this morning after dropping kids off at school and driving by the house to check on the repair progress. It's going well. Now we're just at the mercy of the gas company to send someone out to inspect and turn it back on.

I told her about the new custody conference date. She felt the same way about it being right before Thanksgiving. She commented that getting a trial date before next year is probably not likely and I agree. She says that's good because it won't disrupt the girls holidays. I tell her we shouldn't even need to go Nov 21. She agrees then says what, wait- did I mean I'm not moving out. I tell her no, I mean we should be able to come to an agreement as adults for shared custody without the courts. She sighs, saying she thought I was agreeing to stay put and work on the marriage. I tell her I still want to separate and share custody, but will consider working on us concurrently. She doesn't like that idea. Says how can we work on things if you're not here? I agree to a point. I just don't want to take my options off the table too soon. I don't want to appear too weak or like I'm giving in to her because I've done that so many times in the past for the kids sake.

I tell her that due to the court schedules and such it will be January till we even get into a hearing. And that is past all the concerns she had about moving the kids around, disturbing their holidays, etc. So I asked her what will be her excuse come 2012? She didn't understand at first. I asked her again, what will be your excuse for not sharing custody with me come next year? She only said hopefully it won't matter because I will stay and we can work on our problems together. She reminds me we both have made huge mistakes and hurt each other in many different ways. She says it's now time to learn from those mistakes and put our life back together.

I think moving out w/shared custody puts the most pressure on her to work extremely hard on fixing things. It sends a serious message that I'm willing and ready to move on without her. Second best would be keeping my rental place (have to really, lease is signed) as backup while living at home, working on marriage and leave the D in progress. Not sure what to do about custody part of this though if I remain in the marital home. I may have to discuss options with my lawyer about this scenario.

 

I tell her that due to the court schedules and such it will be January till we even get into a hearing. And that is past all the concerns she had about moving the kids around, disturbing their holidays, etc. So I asked her what will be her excuse come 2012? She didn't understand at first. I asked her again, what will be your excuse for not sharing custody with me come next year? She only said hopefully it won't matter because I will stay and we can work on our problems together. She reminds me we both have made huge mistakes and hurt each other in many different ways. She says it's now time to learn from those mistakes and put our life back together.

I would rank infidelity way above alcoholism.

 

Weird question, but instead of springing for hotel, why didn't you stay in your rental with wife and kids?
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A couple of reasons. First, we haven't talked with the girls yet. They don't know about the custody action or that I have a place of my own. Second, I only have two beds ready to go. Third child's bed is still at marital home. It's just wasn't the appropriate time to hit the kids with all this. They were upset enough about the hazard at home and perceived danger to their pets.

 

She's not there yet. She's wanting to be rescued. If her goal was to save marriage, she'd take any glimmer of hope and run with it.
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:iagree:


Has she actually done anything to "try to save your marriage" other than reminding you of all these many, many ways that you made her do all this stuff and wishing that she could maybe love you like she used to...oh wait....before you did all those hurtful and neglectful things?

I do think it would be wonderful if this were a big wake-up call for a sincere reconciliation attempt, but as someone on the outside that doesn't have the same emotional investment that you do (and should!) have--this sounds like a great deal of lip service and enlightened self-interest on her part, with a lot more entitlement behind it all than action.

 

STBXW just emailed me asking for a date this weekend- movie or dinner. I told her no thanks. I can't afford it and not ready emotionally to start doing that, if ever.

This invite comes right after an email spat between us about bills and expenses and how she has no money, I make more than her and she still has to pay bills (her cell, her gas, her cc) plus the kids activities. I reminded her she is not having to pay more than her 25% of the expenses and while she is paying the incidentals I'm covering the large bills & expenses like mortgage, 2nd mortgage, utilities, groceries, my rent, etc.

I have appointments with my IC and Med doctor this week. They can't come fast enough!

 

This invite comes right after an email spat between us about bills and expenses and how she has no money

So, why does she finally have a change of heart again?

 

Honest question:
Do you think she throws the drinking in your face to excuse her disgusting behavior or could it be that she doesn't feel that you get the magnitude of the hurt you caused her?
There's stuff my H has apologized for that he thinks I should just be over and I don't think he understands how what he said or did almost changed me as a person.
Do you think she feels that you get it?
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Honestly, I will still go along with the divorce proceedings and custody hearing, I hate to say it but she still sounds to me she is trying to get her way and not really listening to HOW YOU FEEL I feel that she is trying to do what she wants or what she feels is best. The next time she brings up her and your past mistakes you should say "Well this is why were here now something needs to change and moving out for me is something I need to do for myself.
You have to work on yourselves before you can take care of each other. Besides in the long run I think it is more cruel for you to stay in the house with the girls because the longer you stay in there the longer they think that everything is ok which also makes things a bit more confusing, (Although they are still kids and have no idea what is going on) And she keeps throwing things in your face about the girls (which is tacky).

 

If you still want to put the divorce on hold I would understand, but you still need to seperate yourself from her you need to know 100 percent what you truly want not being pressured to stay because of obligations. I hope I make sense but sometime you have to take a step back in order to take a step forward. It is hard to seperate yourself from your family I understand that. But lets say for example 6 months from now you play nice and you find out that she continued to talk to OM, or started a new affair? I would not want you to go through that it is so much harder if and when you find out that she was not that sorry and has not really learned her lesson. All this time you have been talking about everyone else, her your girls etc but what about your needs? Think about that.

 

UPDATE-

STBXW told her lawyer about the incident at my place last Friday. Right after the event she told me she would not tell her and begged me not to tell my attorney as well. So much for that. What's worse is she lied to her lawyer about what happened. She told her she was in a huff and accidentally brushed against the frig, knocking the pictures off. Then she said she followed me outside because I left to call the police and the pictures dropped out of her hand. WTF?! This woman has no integrity or morals. She's just out for herself and will do anything out of desperation to get the most custody she can get or block me from my rightful access to my kids. She told her lawyer I overreacted and that we have had major blowouts in the past, much bigger than this one, and no cops were called. So what? We weren't in the middle of D and custody.

She did tell her lawyer it was a nice place, had all appliances, was mostly furnished and was pretty much ready to go. Her only complaint (and it's not valid) is the place is "close to the road". It's no closer to the street than our marital home. It's a sparsly traveled country road. I mean, come on! Be realistic. she did not mention the barn cats from across the street.

She also told her lawyer she told me she would do anything I asked like give me her cell phone or give it up if I would stay. Seems like maybe lawyer encouraged her to try to reconcile to prevent a court battle. Why would that be? Maybe her case isn't strong enough to block me or prevent me from getting primary? Who knows. In any event my gut is telling me she is NOT sincere and is only desperate at this point. Same question arises about these requests for dates from her. Why? If she wants to talk, I'm home every night and available.

She told her lawyer that I'm just trying to get her back for the affair, to punish her. And she has examples of this from the past. She pondererd if the judge would be able to see that. Honestly, I can't think of any times I was vindictive. Although I can remember several time she was.

The thing is once again, I feel trapped and controlled by her. I can't move out. Custody dates have been postponed and in all likelyhood we won't have a hearing until Jan next year!!! In the meantime she gets to cake-eat with me staying there, providing financial support, domestic support, child care and all. It just sucks!

I'm seriously thinking about telling the girls about my place. To warm them up to the idea. I would attempt to include STBXW in the conversation first. But if she balks, then I just go ahead and talk to them myself. Then once they know and think about it for awhile, maybe take them over to see it. Then perhaps a few weeks down the road have them stay overnight- like a sleepover. Of course that event would definitely bring out the B!tch in her. Technically she couldn't do anything legally to prevent it. The only issue would be emotional trauma caused by her showing up, attempting to remove the girls, having the police come again and all that. That end scenario is what's holding me back right now. I'm just so tired of all this I'm thinking of forcing the issue from my side. But then I think of my kids and what they would be going through and I back off. It's better for me to endure the suffering than inflict new trauma on them because I'm loosing my patience with the process.

 

Don't ever trust her. Get your lawyer to get copy of police report.
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GM Maxter,now this is not sounding like the repentant wife of a few days ago, the issues are glaring right now. She will say and do whatever to better her position. Protect yourself at all times. In the stupid game of marriage/divorce/? it is a back and forth type deal. Unless your W is like mine...clean cut, just give me my freedom LOLOL Take your time and go ahead and maker your plans to live your life. Kids are resilient and will be fine knowing and sharing in the new place.

 

Maxter, I'm kinda curious how you know all the details of what she is telling her lawyer... that is privileged information is it not? Is she the one telling you what she is telling her lawyer? If so just stop even thinking about it, her own account has shown to be completely innacurate and unreliable. Follow through with your own legal plans, this one will get messy but you have the composition to deal with it she doesn't.

 

DESPERATION & SIGNS OF REMORSE?

This weekend I started to pack up my personal things around the house. I started in the utility room, then family room, then kitchen, living room and so on. Just my things like knick-knacks, pictures, trinkets, decorations, movies, CD's, wedding dishes, pots & pans, etc. etc. I went through closets & cabinets looking for my things to collect and take over to my place. I made a couple trips over to my place, but all in all it was probably only one car load combined.

Well, this activity really affected STBXW. She kept talking about saving the marriage. She asked me to go to marriage counseling, even after I move out. She pleaded and begged me to give her another chance to prove herself. She said she would do anything I asked of her. She apologized several times, cried alot, said she was sorry for hurting me. She says she now realizes what is important to her. She says she lost her way (just like I did) but now knows her family, kids, and husband are the most important things in her life. She says she was a fool for getting tangled up in the affair. She says it was a huge mistake and she realizes it wasn't worth breaking up our family and wrecking our life.

I continued to rebuff her all weekend. I Tried to explain my position and where my heart is at right now. I told her she doesn't fully understand the depth of the hurt and pain she's caused me, although I can see a glimmer that she might be starting to. She keeps going back to what I've done to her in the past. There is always this equivelancy she makes between my drinking and her affair. And on some levels I can understand it. The difference for me is when things were bad for her she made a horrible, immoral choice. When it switched around and things were bad for me I chose to correct my mistakes, improve myself, and when all hope was crushed this summer, I decided to end the relationship with divorce.

She keeps saying she has until June to turn things around because that's when my lease renews and she feels that if that happens, her chances are gone forever. She says she will continue to fight for us. She's been behaving nicer, no sarcasm or flippant remarks for about 5 days now. She called and asked if I wanted something from McDonald's yesterday. She bought me a laptop cradle as a gift because I always use a plastic service tray to support my computer when I work from home. I rejected the gift. She gave it back to me later in the day so I threw it in the trash. Yesterday she removed it from the trash and I haven't seen it since.

She's been searching the internet lately looking for help in saving our marriage. She came across a self-help type of marriage rebuilder program by Mort Fertel and was giving me information about it and some printouts from the website. Kinda weird since I was doing the same thing throughout the summer without any perceived effect on her part.

I asked her why now? Why this drastic change of heart now after I've been trying for so very long? She reminds me she tried for many years to get through to me while I was drinking heavily but I didn't respond and eventually she gave up. She says it's hard to explain, but that facing the destruction of her family, loosing her kids, loosing me has made her realize how important these things are to her. Again, my concern is this is rooted in desperation and fear of abandonment and not a sincere desire to reconcile.

I have to say, that fear of loosing everything was what did it for me although my epiphany was instantaneous. The day I found the email between STBXW and the other man, I new instantly, in a flash, that I had lost her and my world was about to come apart at the seams. I felt that it was already too late, that I had done such serious damage to our marriage, but I also knew I had to try no matter what the perceived outcome. I had to do it for our daughters and for me because despite the quicksand of negative emotions, thoughts and behaviors that I had sunk into over the years, I still loved her and wanted her.

At least I felt that way until this August when she dealt the final death blow to our marriage and that last thread of hope I had been carrying finally snapped. At that point, as the hope slipped away, so did my feelings for her and my love for her. They just faded away like fog in the morning sun. And all that is left is a single minded determination to end the marriage, separate, and move on with my life. She says she can see that in me now and it scares the sh!t out of her. She says I'm throwing away one last chance to make things work and we should both try to make it through this extremely difficult time in our life for our daughters' sake. She says she married 'for better and for worse'. Funny how that part is important now, but 'forsake all others' didn't hold any weight.

I told her I wouldn't know how to proceed with an attempt at reconciliation at this point. My heart isn't into it anymore, the hope has vanished, the love has faded away. I still care about her, as the mother of my children. But the want, the desire, the love for her has evaporated. At this point I would consider separating and then seeing if we can rekindle something. But that hinges completely on custody and she won't budge. So for me to move out, I will have to tear her down in court, get ugly, drag the girls into it plus all the witnesses and crap. I think after that, we will have just reinforced the animosity between us so much that neither one will want to even look at the other, let alone attempt to reconcile. If we could only come to a mutual custody agreement on our own, without the trauma of a hearing, it would provide the best possibility of future R under the current difficult circumstances.

 

not having walked in your shoes----I do not feel I can judge you but.....
She is really trying! Why not sit down with her and talk? See if there can be "something". If "R" really is something you may ever consider I see that opportunity as "NOW".
And throwing away the gift..?..just say thanks. Be gracious. I know you hurt! I know she has been a cruel jerk! She is your wife; she is your kids Mom; I just think if ever there is an opportunity for her to get "IT" with you it is now. Otherwise---just do battle and Divorce.
And even if it seems like I do not----I understand. But living with someone who drinks is hell--- and is extremely difficult, lonely and destructive! Do not under estimate this!
You are justified in whatever you decide to do.
Good luck.

 

The problem is that maxter tried for more than 3 years.

After all this time of trying, something eventually broke in him and reconciliation between 2 broken people may be impossible.

Besides, she was still seeing the OM about 2 months ago. And, she might be pregnant with the OM's baby (no period since).

 

I think you are doing the right thing, Max. She acts like this today but if you agreed to an R she could turn cold again in a second once she thinks she has you. She hasn't had enough time to really experience loss to say she has really changed.

Time will tell, she will either become more determined to win you back or if its just a knee-jerk reaction to you leaving will go quiet. She needs to live in the mess she created for a while to truly see what she has lost.