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Hold no grudges, she likely meant no harm, and likely is somewhat clueless, and not having etiquette.

Note: You do stand in you own light, and expect others to constantly acknowledge you.
You need those 'words of affirmation'.

She had no clue about that need of yours.

Its possible. Thats why Im asking.Maybe Ive made a big deal from small thing. Maybe they even told her what to show me on the coast. IDK. Im asking. What I know she hurts me very much and I felt totally ignored, like she wanted to hide we know each others. Also I thought we are going together.I havent titled that topic as "my ex is a bad woman"
No its over with her. I dont want back. I told her why. She still use swahili always, and Im not exist while there are other guys. And dont say bullshits I need 100% attention. For 75 minutes she didnt said anything to me, and didnt touched me. While we always walking and sitting holding hands.
Something was not right, but IDK what and why. I dont think they have asked about me or she said am her BF. They didnt looked at me even like I was not there.
I just wanted to know if Im overreacted or not. I dont know, maybe she shamed of me. And dont say its a normal to talk 75 minutes and ignoring a partner.It was never happened before. Why in that train only?
You are absolutely in the right here.
 

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Discussion Starter · #42 ·
So you really think she didnt knew she is hurting?
What are the others possibilites?
Let me tell you once again. Since morning we have been in good moods and happy we are going to mombasa. When entering to the train we still talked and smilled.
 

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So you really think she didnt knew she is hurting?
What are the others possibilites?
Let me tell you once again. Since morning we have been in good moods and happy we are going to mombasa. When entering to the train we still talked and smilled.
If you want to know, go talk to her.

Changing your mind about breaking up and calling her is a reasonable thing.

If you want to know what she is thinking, both now and on the train earlier, then ASK HER!
 

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Discussion Starter · #44 ·
I totally agree with Andy on this one. She ignored him in favour of speaking to total strangers for a frikkin 75 minutes in a language he could not understand and then says she "thought" he was busy on his phone!!!! Give me a break. OP on arrival at your destination I would have just gone on without her and left her on her own to make her own way - in short I would have dumped her right there and then. You my friend, will be the one who dodged the bullet. I really don't understand what other Tammers are reading here!?!?
I would leave the train but it wasnt stop, LOL. I swear that after 30 minutes I knew whatever gonna happened I will broke with her. I would just take my bag and leave without a word.
 

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For example she has more male than female friends. There was no day a guy havent call to her, but I wasnt angry or jealous. She asked me on one of our first days if Im a jealous type, coz she has male friends and I have to accept it. Ive said its okay, and I dont have anything against, but she just must remember differences between friend and boyfriend.
I just cant imagine such thing: Girl is coming from africa to me, we going to other city by train, and Im talking with two girls in foreign language totally ignoring her for whole trip :eek:
Okay so you are not sexist. But you could have handled the whole thing in a much more mature manner.

But what I highlighted above is a red flag. Women who have few or no female friends should be avoided in my opinion.
 

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You got your feelings hurt. She makes conversation you do n’t understand and doesn’t acknowledge you to strangers as her boyfriend.

ok

What YOU need to acknowledge is that you two aren’t a good match! You have certain needs and expectations and she will never fill your needs.

you just aren’t a good match! End it with her knowing this is who she is - and who she is hurts your feelings!
 

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SHE had the time and opportunity for 75 minutes to spend talking to YOU! You are there a very short period of time - and most people totally into a new guy would spend those 75 minutes being focused on the person they find fascinating!

she wasn’t so fascinated that she avoided others in order to connect with YOU.

that’s the heart of it. The complete strangers were more important TO HER - than you were.

Yes, you have every right to have your feelings hurt. But it shows that she isn’t your gal you want long term.
 

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I mean what were they talking about? Were they flirting? There has to be more then just talking right no one is this fragile. Why couldn't you just join the conversation?

Maybe she didn't forget you existed maybe she just thought you were secure enough in yourself that she could have an innocent conversation with two other people without you needing to be acknowledged more then once.

Obviously she was wrong. Oh well bullet dodged.
 
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My friend, you made the right move 100%. The point of dating early on like this is to establish whether or not someone is a good match for you long term. I'd have done exactly as you did. You gave her the freedom to choose, and she chose 2 random men on a train over you. It would have been OK if she just had a short, friendly chat with those guys and then turned her attention to you for the next 70 mins but she did not. I'd walk away and never look back.
 

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I think tammers are coming down pretty hard on this guy. His girlfriend didn’t just have a passing conversation with these two guys, she spoke to them for seventy five minutes in a language her boyfriend couldn’t understand. At the very least she’s extremely rude and disrespectful and I wouldn’t have been as polite as the op.
This was a **** test in my opinion and he’s right to be pissed.
Totally agree.
The OP`s girlfriend acted disrespectful towards him by talking to strange guys for 75 minutes in a language her boyfriend doesn`t understand, therefore excluding him completely as if he was invisible.
My wife is Thai and she`d never do that to me.
The OP was right to ditch that girl, he dodged a bullet there.
 

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Discussion Starter · #52 · (Edited)
I mean what were they talking about? Were they flirting? There has to be more then just talking right no one is this fragile. Why couldn't you just join the conversation?

Maybe she didn't forget you existed maybe she just thought you were secure enough in yourself that she could have an innocent conversation with two other people without you needing to be acknowledged more then once.

Obviously she was wrong. Oh well bullet dodged.
I couldnt join cause I dont know swahili she good knew about... and I told her she blocking me by that, so I cant join conversation and understand even what are they talking about. I told her not once I dont like when she use swahili. Same situation was when a guy came to her flat to repair shower, she used swahili. Ive started to speak to him english. Finish looks like that he enjoyed to try polish vodka I came with to kenya and we spoke about half of hour :) Also I known from him, he has a own little shop and after hours do small repairs like that, to get extra cash.
 

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Ive been dating one girl. We were dating for 3 months, she took me to the city Voi to introduce me to her family. Ive met her parents, grandma, siblinngs, cousins, aunts and uncles. We agreed to go to one place (mombasa) by a train and stay there for 5 days... So... We entered to train, I joined her little later, like 1-2 minutes coz Ive had bags. There were 4 places as usual. When I came and sit, she already spoke with two guys who sitted on their places across us. They spoke all the time in suahili so IDK what was about. She usually spoke with other people in matatu(bus) so I saw it as normal, but there were always short conversations like maybe 5 minutes. That conversation took whole 75 minutes of our trip. She only once asked me "is everything fine?" Ive been such shocked by that situation and couldnt believe it really happens, that I only said silent "YES" and didnt say even one more word.Its not abt jealous, seriously. I felt like a trash. She ignored me totally like I was invisible. She didnt touched me even, those 2 guys could think I dont know her I let them enjoy. Is that normal? I felt totally ignored and it was just.. sad...
Am I paranoid and made a big deal from small thing? Ive broke with her after we left the train coz I didnt wanted argue in train and stopping their conversation. Ofc she cried, sorry me, explained thought Ive been busy by my phone, didnt wanted to hurt me, that I should correct her at the moment etc
If she would kiss me, hug me or take my hand, I wont be angry even. I swear.
How do you see that ladies and gentlemans?
Ps-She never did to me any bad action, we have been in great moods in our way to train. I really couldnt believe it really happens. Plus using swahili she blocked me to join their conversation and also I couldnt understand them. No, they didnt knew each others, they were two totally stranger guys. I told her we are over cause every random strangers guys are more important than me. And to dont touch me, coz she should touch me at train, and to dont calle me honey, coz she should call me honey at train. But she treated me like I was not there.
she was right you should have told her to speak in a language you understand or translate for you .but whatever she should have included you in the conversation.but try to be a little understanding they may not have another language so a conversation with you mcould very well have taken ages.but she was wrong to exclude you but its a little thing not worthy of breaking the relationship,she must love you taking you for her family to see.
 

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Discussion Starter · #54 · (Edited)
Going to school in kenya is a MUST. Law is a law, everybody must go to the school. Learning is only in english. Only Swahili lessons are is swahili, so everybody knows english. Lets say that somehow they dont speak english, its not my problem. If they dont speak, she should choose me (english) not them (swahili) its about choosing language.
2-she spoke with them from 1st to last minute of trip
3-she TOTALLY ignored me. I will repeat again: if she would kiss me, hug me, or took my hand, it would be okay. Till she asked if im fine/okay they probably didnt knew we know eatch others, coz how? She didnt looked at me even. Like I was not there or be invisible. When she asked me if Im fine after 40 minutes since train moved I didnt cared cause after 30 minutes I knew its over whatever gonna happened.
Many people asked me why same like her, why dont I correct her at the moment? Because there is nothing bad by talking to other people, but not for WHOLE trip OVER ONE HOUR IN LANGUAGE I CANT UNDERSTAND and TOTALLY IGNORING ME.
 

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I mean what were they talking about? Were they flirting? There has to be more then just talking right no one is this fragile. Why couldn't you just join the conversation?

Maybe she didn't forget you existed maybe she just thought you were secure enough in yourself that she could have an innocent conversation with two other people without you needing to be acknowledged more then once.

Obviously she was wrong. Oh well bullet dodged.
They were talking in a language he does not know, so he really has no idea what was said and couldn't join the conversation.
 

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Going to school in kenya is a MUST. Law is a law, everybody must go to the school. Learning is only in english. Only Swahili lessons are is swahili, so everybody knows english. Lets say that somehow they dont speak english, its not my problem. If they dont speak, she should choose me (english) not them (swahili) its about choosing language.
2-she spoke with them from 1st to last minute of trip
3-she TOTALLY ignored me. I will repeat again: if she would kiss me, hug me, or took my hand, it would be okay. Till she asked if im fine/okay they probably didnt knew we know eatch others, coz how? She didnt looked at me even. Like I was not there or be invisible. When she asked me if Im fine after 40 minutes since train moved I didnt cared cause after 30 minutes I knew its over whatever gonna happened.
Many people asked me why same like her, why dont I correct her at the moment? Because there is nothing bad by talking to other people, but not for WHOLE trip OVER ONE HOUR IN LANGUAGE I CANT UNDERSTAND and TOTALLY IGNORING ME.
Yeah. She needs to grow up. Ii can't imagine treating my girlfriend or wife that way and I wouldn't tolerate being treated that way either.
 

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Discussion Starter · #57 ·
Yeah. She needs to grow up. Ii can't imagine treating my girlfriend or wife that way and I wouldn't tolerate being treated that way either.
You mean I treated her in bad way? You are wrong friend. In kenya every girl wants white bf. Girls adore me dailly when we were together, I totally ignored them all the time and asking if she is fine. If I am with someone Im seriously taking care.
 

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You mean I treated her in bad way? You are wrong friend. In kenya every girl wants white bf. Girls adore me dailly when we were together, I totally ignored them all the time and asking if she is fine. If I am with someone Im seriously taking care.
No. I think she treated you poorly and I wouldn't tolerate it.

I was saying I wouldn't treat my wife or girlfriend like your girlfriend did either.

Ignoring your lover while rudely excluding them from a long conversation is a poor way to behave.

You could have been more dominant or forceful but you are not wrong to be angry with her.
 

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Discussion Starter · #59 ·
No. I think she treated you poorly and I wouldn't tolerate it.

I was saying I wouldn't treat my wife or girlfriend like your girlfriend did either.

Ignoring your lover while rudely excluding them from a long conversation is a poor way to behave.

You could have been more dominant or forceful but you are not wrong to be angry with her.
You could have been more dominant or forceful but you are not wrong to be angry with her
I agree my friend, but Im giving a free will. Like, if you gonna be more happy with other one guy, go ahead,doors are there... Something like that. If I would suppose they flirting or talk abt s*x I would do action immediatly to her and to them.

I wanted to thank all people for answers, even those ones who criticise me
 

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OP,
You did right. Instead of her attention being on YOU when you were taking a trip together, it was on other guys. You rightly noticed you were cut out of even being in in the conversations WITH OTHER MEN.

Yes, I would have quickly let her know I wasn’t taking a 75 min ride with my gf and being ignored while she spoke with other guys in a language I don’t speak, but it doesn’t really matter. You shouldn’t have had to.

what I feel is important is that you dumped her. Bravo! Having enough self confidence to not accept obvious bad behavior from your lady will serve you well in the future.

The o my thing I see that you did wrong was say you were fine when she asked, and let her ignore you and give other men her attention while passively on your phone.

I’m sure has you said, “hey, I’m here, do you have any time to chat me up like these other dudes?” You’d be described as a controlling jerk by some of the people here.

But I personally feel you did the right thing by dumping her. Get A woman that has her attention on YOU because she likes YOUR conversation.

Being willing to end a relationship that doesn’t bring you happiness is a strength, not a weakness.
 
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