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Ive been dating one girl. We were dating for 3 months, she took me to the city Voi to introduce me to her family. Ive met her parents, grandma, siblinngs, cousins, aunts and uncles. We agreed to go to one place (mombasa) by a train and stay there for 5 days... So... We entered to train, I joined her little later, like 1-2 minutes coz Ive had bags. There were 4 places as usual. When I came and sit, she already spoke with two guys who sitted on their places across us. They spoke all the time in suahili so IDK what was about. She usually spoke with other people in matatu(bus) so I saw it as normal, but there were always short conversations like maybe 5 minutes. That conversation took whole 75 minutes of our trip. She only once asked me "is everything fine?" Ive been such shocked by that situation and couldnt believe it really happens, that I only said silent "YES" and didnt say even one more word.Its not abt jealous, seriously. I felt like a trash. She ignored me totally like I was invisible. She didnt touched me even, those 2 guys could think I dont know her I let them enjoy. Is that normal? I felt totally ignored and it was just.. sad...
Am I paranoid and made a big deal from small thing? Ive broke with her after we left the train coz I didnt wanted argue in train and stopping their conversation. Ofc she cried, sorry me, explained thought Ive been busy by my phone, didnt wanted to hurt me, that I should correct her at the moment etc
If she would kiss me, hug me or take my hand, I wont be angry even. I swear.
How do you see that ladies and gentlemans?
Ps-She never did to me any bad action, we have been in great moods in our way to train. I really couldnt believe it really happens. Plus using swahili she blocked me to join their conversation and also I couldnt understand them. No, they didnt knew each others, they were two totally stranger guys. I told her we are over cause every random strangers guys are more important than me. And to dont touch me, coz she should touch me at train, and to dont calle me honey, coz she should call me honey at train. But she treated me like I was not there.
 

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Wow. No I have no advice. So she asked if you were ok. You said yes. You made no attempt to talk to her but it’s all her fault?

It has nothing to do with you not having any confidence. Why did you not take her hand? Talk? Do anything?

You did the same exact thing as her but somehow she wrong and you are right?

You didn’t talk to her. You did take her hand. You didn’t ask her any questions.

I think being broke up is correct. Move on. You don’t have the strength to be with a woman who doesn’t lead.
 

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Ive been dating one girl. We were dating for 3 months, she took me to the city Voi to introduce me to her family. Ive met her parents, grandma, siblinngs, cousins, aunts and uncles. We agreed to go to one place (mombasa) by a train and stay there for 5 days... So... We entered to train, I joined her little later, like 1-2 minutes coz Ive had bags. There were 4 places as usual. When I came and sit, she already spoke with two guys who sitted on their places across us. They spoke all the time in suahili so IDK what was about. She usually spoke with other people in matatu(bus) so I saw it as normal, but there were always short conversations like maybe 5 minutes. That conversation took whole 75 minutes of our trip. She only once asked me "is everything fine?" Ive been such shocked by that situation and couldnt believe it really happens, that I only said silent "YES" and didnt say even one more word.Its not abt jealous, seriously. I felt like a trash. She ignored me totally like I was invisible. She didnt touched me even, those 2 guys could think I dont know her I let them enjoy. Is that normal? I felt totally ignored and it was just.. sad...
Am I paranoid and made a big deal from small thing? Ive broke with her after we left the train coz I didnt wanted argue in train and stopping their conversation. Ofc she cried, sorry me, explained thought Ive been busy by my phone, didnt wanted to hurt me, that I should correct her at the moment etc
If she would kiss me, hug me or take my hand, I wont be angry even. I swear.
How do you see that ladies and gentlemans?
Ps-She never did to me any bad action, we have been in great moods in our way to train. I really couldnt believe it really happens. Plus using swahili she blocked me to join their conversation and also I couldnt understand them. No, they didnt knew each others, they were two totally stranger guys. I told her we are over cause every random strangers guys are more important than me. And to dont touch me, coz she should touch me at train, and to dont calle me honey, coz she should call me honey at train. But she treated me like I was not there.
Ok, I understand if you were hurt because she was ignoring you and speaking in a language you didn't understand. You felt like she was choosing them over you. And to be honest that's a pretty nasty thing for a girlfriend to do.

But she can't read your mind. You have to let her know what's in your head. You have to show her that you want her attention.

It's too late now but for your next girl, learn to stand up for yourself.
Learn to talk to your girlfriend.
 

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You sound like you need to learn a lot about relationships.
The only thing that you have a legitimate beef about might be that she chose to speak in a language that you didn't converse in. I think that it might be valid to infer from that that she wanted to exclude you. However, more context would be necessary to determine if that was her objective.
You could even perhaps make a case that she was rude. However, you sat there and took it. I even agree with her that you should have called her on it then and there, so she could have the opportunity to adjust or correct her behavior.
However, to sit there and pout about it and then break it off was immature.
 

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You sound like you need to learn a lot about relationships.
The only thing that you have a legitimate beef about might be that she chose to speak in a language that you didn't converse in. I think that it might be valid to infer from that that she wanted to exclude you. However, more context would be necessary to determine if that was her objective.
You could even perhaps make a case that she was rude. However, you sat there and took it. I even agree with her that you should have called her on it then and there, so she could have the opportunity to adjust or correct her behavior.
However, to sit there and pout about it and then break it off was immature.
And if the others don't speak any language other than swahli? I assume she spoke that language because that is what the other spoke. Do you really think she was trying to exclude him from the conversation? Or he simply isn't equipped to speak to the others?
 

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I think tammers are coming down pretty hard on this guy. His girlfriend didn’t just have a passing conversation with these two guys, she spoke to them for seventy five minutes in a language her boyfriend couldn’t understand. At the very least she’s extremely rude and disrespectful and I wouldn’t have been as polite as the op.
This was a **** test in my opinion and he’s right to be pissed.
 

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Ive been dating one girl. We were dating for 3 months, she took me to the city Voi to introduce me to her family. Ive met her parents, grandma, siblinngs, cousins, aunts and uncles. We agreed to go to one place (mombasa) by a train and stay there for 5 days... So... We entered to train, I joined her little later, like 1-2 minutes coz Ive had bags. There were 4 places as usual. When I came and sit, she already spoke with two guys who sitted on their places across us. They spoke all the time in suahili so IDK what was about. She usually spoke with other people in matatu(bus) so I saw it as normal, but there were always short conversations like maybe 5 minutes. That conversation took whole 75 minutes of our trip. She only once asked me "is everything fine?" Ive been such shocked by that situation and couldnt believe it really happens, that I only said silent "YES" and didnt say even one more word.Its not abt jealous, seriously. I felt like a trash. She ignored me totally like I was invisible. She didnt touched me even, those 2 guys could think I dont know her I let them enjoy. Is that normal? I felt totally ignored and it was just.. sad...
Am I paranoid and made a big deal from small thing? Ive broke with her after we left the train coz I didnt wanted argue in train and stopping their conversation. Ofc she cried, sorry me, explained thought Ive been busy by my phone, didnt wanted to hurt me, that I should correct her at the moment etc
If she would kiss me, hug me or take my hand, I wont be angry even. I swear.
How do you see that ladies and gentlemans?
Ps-She never did to me any bad action, we have been in great moods in our way to train. I really couldnt believe it really happens. Plus using swahili she blocked me to join their conversation and also I couldnt understand them. No, they didnt knew each others, they were two totally stranger guys. I told her we are over cause every random strangers guys are more important than me. And to dont touch me, coz she should touch me at train, and to dont calle me honey, coz she should call me honey at train. But she treated me like I was not there.
I see you in the wrong here. She was right when she said you should have said something at that moment. She asked you if you were fine. Why would she do that? Don't you think she can't pick up on your body language? You have to learn to communicate with a woman or your relationships will be very short lived.
 

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Ive been dating one girl. We were dating for 3 months, she took me to the city Voi to introduce me to her family. Ive met her parents, grandma, siblinngs, cousins, aunts and uncles. We agreed to go to one place (mombasa) by a train and stay there for 5 days... So... We entered to train, I joined her little later, like 1-2 minutes coz Ive had bags. There were 4 places as usual. When I came and sit, she already spoke with two guys who sitted on their places across us. They spoke all the time in suahili so IDK what was about. She usually spoke with other people in matatu(bus) so I saw it as normal, but there were always short conversations like maybe 5 minutes. That conversation took whole 75 minutes of our trip. She only once asked me "is everything fine?" Ive been such shocked by that situation and couldnt believe it really happens, that I only said silent "YES" and didnt say even one more word.Its not abt jealous, seriously. I felt like a trash. She ignored me totally like I was invisible. She didnt touched me even, those 2 guys could think I dont know her I let them enjoy. Is that normal? I felt totally ignored and it was just.. sad...
Am I paranoid and made a big deal from small thing? Ive broke with her after we left the train coz I didnt wanted argue in train and stopping their conversation. Ofc she cried, sorry me, explained thought Ive been busy by my phone, didnt wanted to hurt me, that I should correct her at the moment etc
If she would kiss me, hug me or take my hand, I wont be angry even. I swear.
How do you see that ladies and gentlemans?
Ps-She never did to me any bad action, we have been in great moods in our way to train. I really couldnt believe it really happens. Plus using swahili she blocked me to join their conversation and also I couldnt understand them. No, they didnt knew each others, they were two totally stranger guys. I told her we are over cause every random strangers guys are more important than me. And to dont touch me, coz she should touch me at train, and to dont calle me honey, coz she should call me honey at train. But she treated me like I was not there.
IMO, you handled the situation poorly.

So far this was a one-off, and you didn't say anything in the moment. If she had a pattern of doing this or you brought the issue up and she ignored it, then my advice would be different.

Was her behavior rude? Absolutely. In a way, so was yours! You sat there on your phone for 75 minutes and didn't try to join the conversation.

I would love to be left alone for 75 minutes to scroll through my phone and tune the world out. My wife will talk to strangers if they initiate the conversation, I'd rather be left alone. It sounds like she assumed you didn't want to be bothered or were content as you were. If you weren't, you should have changed the situation.

My wife knows several languages and generally doesn't use English with our kids. Being multilingual is great but I like being part of the conversation as well and knowing what's going on, so I talked to her about it. She tries to remember to use English when I'm part of the conversation or we're in the car or something, but it's her third or fourth language so that doesn't always happen - especially if she's tired.

The point is, she didn't really think about it as rude until I talked to her. Then she started making an effort to involve me in the conversation. I don't expect perfection, I expect a genuine effort.

That's what you should have done - talked to your GF. If you cannot communicate and resolve issues, all of your relationships will fail or will be miserable. It sounds like a little communication would have gone a long way.
 

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IMO, you handled the situation poorly.

So far this was a one-off, and you didn't say anything in the moment. If she had a pattern of doing this or you brought the issue up and she ignored it, then my advice would be different.

Was her behavior rude? Absolutely. In a way, so was yours! You sat there on your phone for 75 minutes and didn't try to join the conversation.

I would love to be left alone for 75 minutes to scroll through my phone and tune the world out. My wife will talk to strangers if they initiate the conversation, I'd rather be left alone. It sounds like she assumed you didn't want to be bothered or were content as you were. If you weren't, you should have changed the situation.

My wife knows several languages and generally doesn't use English with our kids. Being multilingual is great but I like being part of the conversation as well and knowing what's going on, so I talked to her about it. She tries to remember to use English when I'm part of the conversation or we're in the car or something, but it's her third or fourth language so that doesn't always happen - especially if she's tired.

The point is, she didn't really think about it as rude until I talked to her. Then she started making an effort to involve me in the conversation. I don't expect perfection, I expect a genuine effort.

That's what you should have done - talked to your GF. If you cannot communicate and resolve issues, all of your relationships will fail or will be miserable. It sounds like a little communication would have gone a long way.
The difference between you and the op is his is a three month relationship when people are supposed to be on their best behaviour.
I might not have dumped her in this situation but I would have left her in no doubt about my thoughts on her behaviour.
 

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Wow. No I have no advice. So she asked if you were ok. You said yes. You made no attempt to talk to her but it’s all her fault?

It has nothing to do with you not having any confidence. Why did you not take her hand? Talk? Do anything?

You did the same exact thing as her but somehow she wrong and you are right?

You didn’t talk to her. You did take her hand. You didn’t ask her any questions.

I think being broke up is correct. Move on. You don’t have the strength to be with a woman who doesn’t lead.
You were too passive. You should have immediately told her that speaking in a language that YOU didn't understand is rude, as is ignoring you completely.
Her reaction to THAT would have told you a lot.
 

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The difference between you and the op is his is a three month relationship when people are supposed to be on their best behaviour.
I might not have dumped her in this situation but I would have left her in no doubt about my thoughts on her behaviour.
You're assuming she didn't speak in other languages to other people when we were dating. She used to have a male friend who was from some French-speaking African country. Prior to us dating they spent two years flirting and always spoke in French to each other. I didn't like it, I expressed it, it stopped (for the most part).

Anyway, it doesn't change the fact that he needs to communicate if he's unhappy. Not sit around seething for 75 minutes because he "didn't want to make a scene". The situation could have been handled without making a scene, and depending on her reaction could have avoided a breakup.
 

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Comon' guys. He said he was shocked by her behaviour. I don't think he didn't say anything because he was playing victim. He was overchallenged.

I can understand this. Her behaviour was really off. Espescially since those were guys and most likely at least one had interest in her.

She is either naive or she loves the attention of men. I tell you OP this is the type of woman that cheats. If I was with my new boyfriend I wouldn't be ibterested in talking 75 minutes to strange guys.
She obviously felt comfortable with them. Well, she should have given them her number.
She is an attention seeker.
Yes, you yould have toöd her, but it doesn't change what you've seen she's capable of and I think you simpmy made the decision that you don't want to be with such a woman with such low boundaries.

And there is also some sort of emasculation that went on. There were two other guys and ypur girlfriend was adapting to what they clearly wanted. They dominated you and she let them dominate you and you let them dominate you.

At the end, this woman isn't your match. One of the other guys might.

Next time speak up and then later break up with such a woman.
 

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And if the others don't speak any language other than swahli? I assume she spoke that language because that is what the other spoke. Do you really think she was trying to exclude him from the conversation? Or he simply isn't equipped to speak to the others?
It could be a possibility. I don't know.
I wasn't there.
You weren't there.
Like I said in my post, more context is necessary.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 · (Edited)
Guys-every kenyans speaks english because learining at school is in english, not swahili. I told her few times that I dont like when she use swahili, and why she use it while every kenyans knows english. By use swahili with them she blocked me: 1st-I couldnt understand them. 2-I couldnt join the conversation
Why dont I correct her to stop? Because she is a person who likes to talk, she usually talked with someone at shop, market, matatu (bus) but for a few minutes. I wanted to wait when she stops.She never did something like that before.
Why I didnt kiss her or took her hand? Coz she was very busy by talking with them. She didnt looked at me. For the first 15 minutes Ive looked at her many times, then I just took my phone from pocket.
When after 40 minutes she asked are you allright or are you okay, I almost cried (lol)
Ps-she good knew I dont like when she use swahili cause I dont understand even a word, and I cant understand why use it while every kenyans knows english. Ive even asked her a day before if in my party we planned (to meet my with all her friends) she gonna use swahili too. Like she cant understand its uncomfortable
They learn at school everything in eglish, only swahili is in swahili.
Anyway guys I dont think that were talking about s*x or flirting. But they talking all the time from 1st to last minute. Ive been alone in other continent, other country, onther city in a train, and only from her depeneded if Im gonna feel comfortable or not. If am gonna feel bored or not, if Im gonna have anyone to talk or not.
Who knows-maybe our four would have a great conversation and pretty fun?
Why dont I kiss her or something? Coz she was VERY VERY into talking, doesnt looked at me even when I seated etc. Wanted to know when she stops and remind herself that Im also here and we going TOGETHER to mombasa. I dont blame only her... Coz seriously Ive started thinking that maybe something is wrong with me, and should visit a psychiatry.
When Ive said its over she cried and sweared she wont use any other language than english anymore. Also asked if there is anything more that made me mad or sad? Like ignoring me was normal :eek: She said she didnt wanted to bother me coz I was on my phone, but I took a phone from pocket after 15 minutes of looking on them. ONE MORE THING-my roaming didnt work and she knew that-so to have internet I needed to ask her to make a router. Yes I was sitting on my phone without internet!
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
You were too passive. You should have immediately told her that speaking in a language that YOU didn't understand is rude, as is ignoring you completely.
Her reaction to THAT would have told you a lot.
Yeah I should, but I thought that conversation will take no more than few minutes, like always. Also few times I made it. For example when we met one of her friends by accident Ive asked "hey Lucy, why do you use swahili? forgot that I dont understand it?"
 
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